Chrisner- great advice. I am going to try to Plan A harder. It is so hard to do right now. Like Saralynn, I am pretty quick to throw out sarcastic comments. This has been driving him nuts.
Wonderin and My1stlove- How sad that I really am not alone in what I am going through. The STD thing really scares me. I am glad I am getting my cultures done next week. I don't know why it is so hard for me to break off sexual contact, knowing he has hurt me so bad. It has been a big part of our relationship for 8 years. It is hard to stop- especially when that is one of the only times I feel close to him right now. How pathetic that sounds!
Last night went well. After I ended our unproductive conversation on the phone, I felt horrible for a few minutes. He almost made me think I was being irrational. Then I came to my senses- especially after reading Saralynn's post last night. I realized I was so relieved he was coming home, even if he was just going to be angry with me.
When he walked through the door he looked so mad. I was trying to keep things light. He told me he knew I was trying to make nice, but he wanted to be left alone. I told him I would leave then. He told me I didn't have to. I decided to run to the store for a little while. When I returned, I just gave him his space.
After I went to bed, he kept coming in the room. That is pretty unusual for him these days. He laid down with me for a minute and returned to the couch. A few minutes later he came back again and slept in our bed last night. I really would prefer it if he slept in our bed. At least I know he wouldn't be sitting up late talking to his "friend".
Snooping is hard to do right now. I feel like I will get caught grabbing his blackberry in the middle of the night, like I was the 1st night. My gut is kind of telling me maybe he did break off contact with her. I am sure it will not take me long to figure it out if he has not.
Thank you all for listening- this place is wonderful!
