This is going to be a huge stretch because I am not in Plan B YET.

As I understand things, that is exactly what happens. He is testing you to see if you are truly going to do what you say you are. Be prepared for him to weasel himself back in over time again. Your job is to stay completely DARK no matter what, to NOT GIVE in until your conditions are set.

Vets, if I am wrong, please let me and Hope know.

I have nothing to lose now.I have to stay strong in order to deal with this divorce.

WH really expected me to remain friends with him..I can't believe it!!

He now realises when we are divorced his not going to be part of this family unit ever.He can't have his cake and eat it!!

DS15 wants absolutely nothing to do with him and its stressing WH out..I can see.Now I tell him to stay away from house and hoot when he fetches kids....I think my timing was perfect even though I only realized that now!

I took the boys to see a South African band WATERSHED this evening with friends.It was in Kirstenbosch gardens which is a beautiful setting under the mountains.I told them not to tell WH as I didn't want him pitching up there.We always used to go with our bunch of friends.The festival runs from Dec to April,the bands play every sunday.Thats going to be our family outing.The boys really love it as all their friends are normaly there too.Its hard to find things to do with teenage boys thats cool!!Their friends think I'm cool so its ok!!

You ARE COOL.....

Remember, WW think CRAZY. Just take care of yourself and create a new life.

I HAVE TO KEEP saying that OVER and OVER.

I know you're right but every so often the fear of the unknown and of being alone gets the better of me and I sink emotionally.Thinking is stinking is so true..

Now that I'm single I notice couples so much more and really envy them.Its so weird!!

Hey hopenpray and skinsgal,

I went to church this morning and my Pastor was talking about God's favor.

Ask and pray for God's favor. Tell and ask God what you want and be specific.

I was in the middle of vaccuming and felt my spirit telling me to share it with the both of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow My1st,

Thank you. I will do that, but then I also have to release it and let him work his favor in his time. NOT MINE.

I find myself triggered when I am out with couples. It's ok Hope, you are going through such a difficult time that you didn't ask for. The feelings you have are SO NORMAL and hard. Stop beating yourself up.

Own the feelings, ask G-d to help you with them, sit with them, and pray until the feeling is gone. Feelings are just that, they can't hurt you, they just feel like it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks My1st for that insight.I said a prayer straight away...

I wish I had found MB at the start of the affair..I hardly ever use to go on the computer now its my life-line to all you wonderful people...

Do you really think waywards are addicted to OP.Why is it called addiction in an affair and love when its in a normal relationship?Is addiction not just another word for infatuation which in time turns to love?

I think this is where my WH is..they have settled into a relationship.

Oh {{{{{{{{{HOPE}}}}}}}}}

Yes, it is an addiction. Do you know anything about an addiction? If not, you should read up on it.

Because addictions are DESTRUCTIVE AS ARE AFFAIRS. Love in a M or love before M is pure, G-d given. ADDICTIONS ARE SELFISH, SELFCENTERED AND SICK.

They may think it's love, but it's NOT. LOVE DOESN'T HURT PEOPLE ON PURPOSE and that's what they have CHOSEN TO DO.

Remember what Believer says, all affairs end. Mimi says that I needed to get a wall of protection for this, so do you. Pray for the ability to be still.... And to focus on yourself becoming the very best person you can be? Do you know what I mean?

you're welcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

patience...

keep the faith and practice patience.

I know it's hard to not think of what your WH and OW is doing...try not to focus on them.

When I found out I was so friggin' obsessed with the status of their relationship. I was using my energy on them, and not on myself and my kids!

About your other question, I am not experiences like the Vets on MB, but I don't believe these affairs all turn into real "love"...I mean the affair/s started out with a lie or deception from one side or both sides.

I know mine WH's did...told OW he's divorced.

I'm to this point where I'm going to be prepared either way. What the devil meant for harm God will turn into good and I believe that goes for all BWs and BHs.

Hang in there. Keep praying..ask for peace <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He'll give it to you...be open to receive it.

I'm also thankful for MB and the people here.

I am determined to do a DARK plan B this time,for ME.
I can't handle the effect WH has on me when we're together. He talks as though his never coming back anyway.He has nothing positive to say so theres no point talking to him either.

I am still shocked at how angry he was when I said not to come in the house anymore...
Skingal I know what you saying about ADDICTIONS but this is our OPINION on their feelings.(just playing devils advocate here!)
I want to believe the affair will end eventually but I'm also trying not to to be naive.I'm trying to be open-minded and prepare myself for the worst.

Up until he served the D papers I wanted to believe he was foggy and that he would snap out of it!Now it looks like he will be one of the 3% that don't come back..I'm not looking for kind words here..just preparing myself mentally...if you know what I mean?

My brain is reading what you are writing, but I am so tired now sure how to say it. I will be back in a few hours after I sleep.

When I told WH not to come in the house I also said "you have decided to stay with OP and you want a divorce..if you change your mind phone me and we can talk..otherwise don't contact me ever..I was assertive and to the point.I turned and walked away..WH screeched off down the driveway!!I felt quite powerful for the first time in a while!!!
This happened yesterday.

Anyway WH phoned me on my cell at work today and I pressed red without answering...he rang back 15mins later...I did the same thing..he would have known I was cutting him off and it felt good to have MY POWER back!!
I just realized how much control he has had over me if something so small makes me feel so good!!

My lawyer is ruthless and she has sent his lawyer a letter saying WH has 1 week to clear out his stuff also his not to "abuse alcohol" when with kids or he will have supervised visits.

He is going to explode!!Lawyer said I must let her know if he gets verbaly abusive and she will sort him out!!

Going to bed now..its 11pm here.This is a real rollercoaster ride!!Felt better today lets see what tomorrow brings!!

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape
- But a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything
- But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her
- But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future
- But a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly
- But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face
- But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey
- But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.


I forgot where I got that from.

I am going to print that and keep it with my prayers.Its so true!

I have been praying and fasting today..I feel more peaceful today.WH smsed me to say he had put money in my account for DS15 school payment.I was strong and never replied.

My very good friend at work,who is spiritual although not christian,(she is Indian) says WH's pride and ego is stopping him from coming home.She knows him well and was very disappointed when she heard about affair.

From the start she said he was "dukumed" possessed by a evil spirit.She really believes that OP has cast a spell of some sort on him...especially as OP is into tarot cards,aura readings etc...She has said all along that I must pray over my kids before they go there.She said they would start getting ill.strangely they always come home with an upset stomach when they have been with WH.My friend says they must pray over their food...the kids don't believe me!!...Told them to do it anyway..

how often do you fast..if you do?

I love that My1st.

I am printing that one out as well.

Morning Hope,

There is a website, marriagerejoices.org or .com. I think that's it. Anyways, it talks about taking one meal and fasting for all the people who are suffering as a result of infidelity. You don't need to fast the whole day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Remember, your WH is an ALIEN AND YOU DON'T KNOW HIM OR WHAT HE WILL DO. Everything you believe to be true is NOTHING. So don't count on anything from him but the mean, ugly and ucky.

Are you taking care of yourself today? What are you doing for yourself?

Hey ladies,

good morning. hopenpray I think your friend is also talking about "soul-ties". There are healthy and unhealthy ones.

I'm going back to school today! I have a BA but wanted to go back for nursing and I'm doing it. It seems tough right now, but I remind myself that I'm doing this for me and my babies.

I hope you ladies are doing well.

I actually am feeling a little like my old self in terms of functions and multi tasking at work.

Could you please explain soul-ties? My friend hasn't heard the expression before?

At work at the moment can't really chat.Feeling better but OP drove past me this morning on my way to work.She was driving WH car!!

Taking 1 day at a time