so powerful LA!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

yes there are times when it does feel like grief.

not sure what you mean by grieve with awareness...

you doing good?

i don't read or post as much anymore.

Don't read???? What??? Off with her head.

LOL

We can hide anything from ourselves...even when we're mourning...can feel like frustration, instead...powerfully wishing what is isn't and vice versa...so when we grieve with awareness...we get to acceptance...

because we begin with accepting we're grieving...and then we can mourn all the way through to acceptance.

To accept our past choices, frees our choices today. See our previous patterns (which I think you excel at) and choose differently. Learn what we crave, often, we are least giving. And what we crave from others, we aren't giving to ourselves.

Signals...not sentences...we aren't sentenced to do anything we did before...nor what we didn't. New today, FLTH...

Would you consider when you reach then you can be reached?

Totally understand it's not safe to post here...look at me...post, anyway. So we know we're already safe, eh?

LA

Hey FLT2H! See, I knew there were others that could do a much better job than I've done in trying to explain what I was trying to say!!! (((LA & LC)))

I'll say it again FL - You are NOT the woman you were then so don't define yourself by the past.

Focus on the facts and look forward to the future and how you can make things better for your family... You are doing great!

Semper Fi,

RIF

So my emotional struggles just would not quit. in my first post i listed the one specific thing but that was just something concrete to focus on.

the emotional turmoil was really due to having too much stuff bottled up in me that i wanted to talk about with DH but just couldn't, due to fear. my own fear to own.

anyway, tonight i let all me recent thoughts and feelings out, i told him how i was fearful to share and why, i told him feelings that i was not sure he would understand, i told him feelings that i was not sure he would want me to share with him. i just let it all out anyway.

really there was no in dept talking done.

but just the same i feel so much better.

having stuff in my head that i want to share but don't makes me feel like i am hiding something and the feeling of hiding something from DH is just terrible. i don't want to have anything hidden. and yes, i told him that too.

honestly, it would be even better if we talked in depth, if he would share back, i'm not sure if that will happen or not.

but just the act of me sharing helped me so much. and that is all i can control

anyway, i just wanted to share that here.

looking back at my first post as i changed the title, i did have the over all true problem listed...

"he wants the marriage but doesn't really seem to want to recover."

really, what a terrible DJ that is!! he has never said this to me.

i was stopping myself from sharing, due to my own fear. i need to work on that...

Hey FLT2H!

Good for you!!! It's important for you to share your TRUE feelings with your DH. I know that you were hoping for a more in-depth conversation, but I'm proud of you for sharing with him.

Hopefully your DH will think about some of the things that you shared with him and will approach you later on to discuss one or more topics with you. He may not, but at least you were honest with him and that's a HUGE start!

Good for you FLT2H!!! Keep it up!!!

Semper Fi,

RIF

FLTH,

Good job examining yourself. That is so much a part of all of this.

I can't recall if you ever mentioned this before, have you or are you going to IC?

IC counseling would help with the "pity party" stuff we talked about the other day.

For me it cleared my head and taught me how to think about myself differently.

LC

i was reading the thread by wondering, "Is it best to NOT look back after an affair, or should a couple disect what went wrong?". i didn't want to threadjack so i'm going to post my thoughts here instead....

As I was reading, I was thinking... in our case it is the exact opposite. it seems to be me, the FWS, looking back too much. being stuck on not feeling like I understand enough and fearing we, as a couple, did not process it all together. while DH (the BS) is the one that wants us to move on and just look at present and future.

RIF in your first reply, you said: "Rebuilding is VERY hard work and each couple must find the method that works best for them. For me, I had to work through my pain and anger before I could start applying the MB prinicples... "

i honestly think that for DH, his method is just different. he is very introverted.

after i posted, as we went to bed, he told me that me sharing was not helpful for him. and that he feels like i'm looking for him to help me heal as an individual and that it seems to him that is something i need to do for myself. he said he doesn't think i understand his perspective otherwise i would already know that showing him my struggles hurt him.

and ya know what... i'm going to have to trust him on this, i mean, we have made great strides so far.

LC, you asked me about IC. i was in IC for a while but after approaching my brother about childhood sexual abuse I stopped. that all seemed successful and maybe i wasn't sure what to tackle next or had enough energy to tackle the next thing.

i need to overcome my internal struggles on my own and become a healthier person.

and i need to protect DH from it all while i do it.

i don't mean hide it all from him, he says he wants to support me, but i can't drag him in too deep.

now someone want to dial the phone for me cuz i'm too scared to do it myself!!! (that's just my way of trying to unknot the big knot in my stomach as i think about going to IC again)