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Re: Is my marriage recoverable at all, or I'm in my own fog thinking I'm in recovery...
snow_white #2012784 01/24/08 05:00 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
S
silentlucidity Offline
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silentlucidity
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S Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
It sounds like you have some work of your own to do, like you said, to get past this. PWC has said things about OW, in the past, about her innocence, and how he's hurt HER. I remember them well. I CAN believe a man in the depths of FOG and ATTACHMENT to that drug could say those things. YUPPERDOODY, you betcha. I can also imagine that person (WS) fearing that they are going to continue to hurt you by saying something that you cannot stomach, or that may still be foggy, so they CLAM UP.

I can't imagine the shame he carries having been the one to say those things. Burying it is probably not the answer, but you can't make him do anything about that. You can make requests that he answer your questions.

You will feel better as you learn more about yourself.

Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
Re: Is my marriage recoverable at all, or I'm in my own fog thinking I'm in recovery...
snow_white #2012785 01/24/08 05:07 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
P
Pepperband Offline
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Pepperband
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P Offline
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
Quote
I have the hardest time validating his feelings in that.

Then don't. Leave his feelings to him.

Quote
I just can't face the fact that he truly loved OW. It just hurts so bad whenever I think about it.

I'm certain this is true. (I remember)

If you are trying to recover without a plan, you need a plan.

And the plan cannot be about all the hurt feelings, yours or his.

Try and take a behavioral approach to recovery.

Decide what are recovery-positive behaviors (for you) and them do them. Do the behaviors you target for yourself consistently ... make your focus your own behaviors. If you do this you will be surprised how much better you feel !

feelings follow behaviors - and behaviors you can choose 100% of the time

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: Is my marriage recoverable at all, or I'm in my own fog thinking I'm in recovery...
Pepperband #2012786 01/25/08 05:30 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,516
M
mvg Offline
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mvg
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M Offline
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,516
Maybe I just need to search inside me to know what my reactions will be if he puts on his ugly mask and pulls out his "suicidal thoughts" tactics again and flat out refuses to do anything about it.

Another maniplative tactic? My H tried the same thing in the very beginning,his efforts to make ME stop questioning him, venting (LBed every where that was before MB), emotionally falling apart. The last time he tried that I stepped up and said ENOUGH, I'm not being bullied, if that's what you're going to do it's not because of ME, it's because of YOU. Now I'm not telling you to try that tactic, but I haven't had to deal with that particular issue since.

If your H is having suicidal thoughts tho he really does need to talk to someone, family doc, counselor, someone.

Snow you are a strong lady in a difficult sitch, I keep you and your family in my prayers.

EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
ME 47 WH 48
Married 30 yrs.
2 DD,4 GC
Found out
Learning
Re: Is my marriage recoverable at all, or I'm in my own fog thinking I'm in recovery...
_Ace_ #2012787 01/25/08 08:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 22
midwest
M
mortally_wounded Offline
Junior Member
mortally_wounded
Junior Member
M Offline
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 22
midwest
Smiles/Trials Recovery thread - where is that, can you post a link?
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