OMG. He is so full of chit. He has serious issues and he is hiding a bunch.

That is very wayward.

GROW UP WINDSTOPPED

That was my gut feeling too BK.

What I have been living with is bonafide crazymaking.

I cannot even trust my own instincts. That is the worst part.

Well he's gaslighting you. Big surprise you don't trust yourself

OK, so I just got caught up on this. Sorry I was gone all evening!

Mopey, these are the exact same things I was saying to DH a few weeks ago. Until the true realization of the pain that he has cause happens, you are spinning your wheels--PERIOD! Tell him at least TWO members of your freakin cheerleading squad has spouted the same crap-fountain and we know the difference. Tell him they're women, so what's it say that a MAN can't handle it (OK, maybe that's a LB). Sorry. It just makes me mad to hear this stuff. Especially your list from above. That really got me worked up b/c I know that language, hon, and it ain't the language of RECOVERY. He probably thinks he was a hero for coming on here ther other night and saying that stuff.

Do NOT doubt your gut feelings on this...you don't deserve that, because it makes you question your sanity in a way, ya know. You will know when it FELLS REAL, just like W2S did. And he refused to settle for less. He told me that he would not fake this M. That he wanted true, passionate love and that co-existing in semi-peace was NOT gonna cut it.

I am so sorry you are in this place. As if the pain of mutiple A's is not enough to deal with and try to forgive. To then deal with insincerity is too much to ask.

Yes, and that's the scary part to me. Not to mention it was the bare minimum. He acted like he wanted to break through to me and then when I was starting to, WHAM, see ya!

When I asked him why he didn't stick around on the thread, he said it was because he was emotionally drained from his counseling appt and that it was just a fun thread anyway. He played his computer game instead. "It helps him escape like me being on MB".



And THIS is the bottom line for me.

Thanks so much for checking in here even while you're so upset. That was very compassionate of you. Thank you.

And I SINCERILY appreciate you guys helping me to learn to trust myself again. I hope that you will call me out if I step out of line as well. That will help me too.

I honestly think my husband wants this marriage, but on his terms.

And just so you know, Windstopped definitely knew I was posting away and stayed far, far, far away from the computer.

I didn't ask him to get on here. I know he will read it very soon. I am almost positive he would not have posted if I would have asked.

He was busy washing his clothes for his departure tommorow I presume.

I feel so, so sad right now. This is where I get conflicted so bad every time.

He can be so wonderful, patient and kind in other areas.

He keeps telling me he is working with the counselors so he can be there for me emotionally.

But is it that he can't or he won't!

It is tearing me up inside.

He's almost perfect in other ways!

Just shoot me now.

I know I'm coming in LATE and IGNORANT..but how long has your RECOVERY been...

You have ONE thing POSITIVE going on at least...

MY H WOULD ABSOLUTELY NEVER, EVER POST ON THIS FORUM..

and we are HAPPILY RECOVERED...

I know I may be way off base..but I thought I'd throw that out..

and especially EARLY in RECOVERY..

he was IN WITHDRAWAL for 6 months..still foggy after a year..

Hi MiMi.....

I suppose if I felt supported emotionally in other ways I wouldn't need him to post here. I think the reason it became important to me was because our conversations, all of them never turn out well. I felt like maybe he could share his stuff on here and then maybe I could get inside of his head some. And also because certain things don't feel right to me but he doesn't listen to me. Maybe he would listen to you guys. And also if he had a beef, which he does, he could work it out here and I might learn a thing or two.

I guess I am just starving for any kind of emotional support when it comes to dealing with my husband who has been cheating on me since before we were married. It's kinda screwed me up, ya know?

There should be NO RELATIONSHIP talk during early recovery. That's why I was wondering how long it has been.

Maybe your situation is different than ours.

We had to just learn to be together...

15 Hours of Recreation according to the HARLEYS...

Sounds like you are wanting TURBO RECOVERY...

Sorry MiMi, forgot the other question.

My first big d-day was 9/06. He lied to me about several more affairs until 8/07. The last lies regarding the affairs, that I know of, were about 3 months ago. When do you feel like we started recovery? Or have we?

(((((mopey)))))

There is good in just about everyone. Just because he is a good husband/father in many ways, isn't really the point. I was, too. I was pretty good at even being a mom when I was a wayward B! But, when you get down to it...that's not enough. It is still appeasement as opposed to remorse. Do not sell yourself short on what you deserve. I know you are scared, but he has to do the work, mopers. There is no other way except to settle for what he offers. And from what you are saying here, settling is not an option.

Here is what concerns me, though. When he has (if he has) made the effort to open up to you, are you keeping still and then thanking him for sharing? Or are you LB-ing? I am not criticizing you, please understand, I just want to be sure he feels safe enough to share. If he worries about you getting angry, you have to put yourself out there and convince him that you won't...and then stick to it every time. That is really the only way to get the truth and re-build. Once he reaches the point I am at, you will get everything you need from him to recover. You guys are just stuck in a really awful place.

And on and on with the roller-coaster....

Hang in there!!

MiMI.....

Are you saying that 16 months into recovery is me wanting a turbo recovery?

And it's kinda hard just learning to be together when you know you are being lied to constantly.

I have bitten my tongue and pushed back my feelings to spend time with him A LOT.

I'm just wanting the recovery to actually start. It feels like it starts over with every lie.

My husband is already impatient with me to "get over it" and it has only been 5 months since he told me of several more affairs.

Am I doing something wrong here?

I told you I was IGNORANT about your history...

Forget everything I said....

I WAS WRONG...

Talk to you tomorrow..

That's what it feels like LaLa. I can't help that that is the way it feels.

And yes LaLa. I have LB'd many times. It's because I always had to pull teeth and I knew I was being lied to. I didn't feel safe either. It doesn't make it right but we'll be going in circles here. I cannot be "still" when I know I am being lied to to my face. I also cannot be still when I have to beg him to open up. I am literally starving emotionally from him. My fault? I think that's why maybe I need to separate? To see if it's really me?

I have thanked him for opening up to me even when I had to pull teeth. Our conversations were never healing. They always turned out like tonight or when I started this whole withdrawal of mine.

You are NOT doing anything wrong!! You are just trying to get the TRUTH that you DESERVE!

Please don't second guess your feelings. Multiple A's are a BIG thing to handle, especially when you are being spoon fed info at his discretion. He probably thinks he is sparing your feelings by doing this. Have you explained to him why you need all of the truth? That you don't need mutiple D-days on top of everything else?

Thanks for stopping in MiMi. It means a lot to me.

Now just so you guys know, I do have anger issues of my own. And I don't know what God was thinking when he put me with my anger with a serial adulterer! You think he's popping popcorn right now?