yes, i thought i would pop in and say hi.
i've been lurking on and off to see how everyone in the dating world here has been doing. glad to see there really has not been much drama.

i've been taking my respite and enjoying it. work has been very busy but it is a perfect fit for me. (the new job in social work i started in september) i begin my new college term in march as i am continuing to work towards my bachelors.
kids and i are doing well and don't really have too much drama to deal with my ex although sometimes he and ow still do try to cause a stir. unfortunately, it will probably always be that way and i have just learned to pick my battles. most things i ignore, and some i fight head on. wouldn't it be nice to have a life void of exes? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

during my respite i did start a dialogue with gekko again. but it was different for me. after so so many ends and beginnings, being pulled in a pushed away, i was now indifferent. history did continue to repeat itself as my therapist said it would and this last time contact has been ended for good. if someone is not bringing positive to my life, it is time to let them go. i am such a different place now concerning that whole situation. i do hope he can find happiness one day, but don't believe he will until he can find it on his own and can resolve some patterns that he has.

that being said, i am moving on. and am very ready to. i am slowly getting to know someone new now, someone i have had an established friendship with for a while now. no rushing, just enjoying the friendship and where it might possibly lead.

hope everyone is well and will at least stop by my thread here to say a quick hi!

mlhb

Hello.
Enjoy life!

mlhb....

Good to hear from you.

You sound VERY different regarding the Gekko situation.
Before, I don't think you were ready to let go. Now it sounds like you have. You sound....peaceful.

Sometimes it just takes that extra time to see someone for what they really are...instead of what you want them to be.

You sound great!

mlhb,
I can't believe how similar our situations are/were. My XBF/Fiance made a general contact via email a week or so ago...before I would've responded in a heart beat - as I had so many times before. This time, I know that I am no longer weak in that regard and I'm now 100% sure I'm on the path that I'm supposed to be on...

I've realized that certain issues should never have been issues...it's like I'm looking at the situation at a different level...looking down and saying "what was I thinking?" lol.

I feel so much stronger and ready myself to move on...I'm glad that you are able to move on...and from your post, you've gotten stronger also!

I too have met someone that I knew as an acquaintance back about 15 years ago...I too am taking things one day at a time and just enjoying my new-found freedom (freedom from dwelling on what might have been) and it feels great!

Take care and I hope that things continue to improve!

Diamond

Hi newly, lexxy, and diamond! thanks for stopping by.

newly, i will enjoy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

lexxy: i am in a VERY different place now. it took all of the back and forth, and a few months of no contact for me to FINALLY see the picture as it was, meaning, "this is never going to happen, this pattern will continue, he is not a bad guy, but i NEED to move on" at that point i became indifferent. not in a bad way, but in a truthful way. i had my answers and my closure long before he ever contacted me again. you just get numb eventually when the same things keep happening over and over again. it's over, i am fine with it, and am moving on.

diamond: thank you for the kind words. i am enjoying getting to expand on this friendship. we are definitely on the same page on many things and that really helps.

mlhb,
I had to do something I didn't want to do yesterday...another email was sent from XBF. I created a "rule" in my Outlook, that basically automatically zaps an email back to him stating that I am no longer accepting his mail...a few months back, this would've killed me...but I feel so much better...and know now that this needed to happen...NC needs to be established.

Also, within that "rule" is my new signature line...it's amazing with time, how far we can come and progress. I am truly looking forward to 2008!

Here's to 2008 mlhb!

Diamond -- I love your signature line!

mlhb -- I've also been through some extended break-ups. I tend to see potential...and its hard for me to let go of that sometimes, even in the face of reality.
And I think what you said "he's not a bad guy" makes it harder. Sometimes nobody is the bad guy, but its just not right.

Lexxxy, mlhb,
I think we just need to realize that there are 2 very different people in the relationship. Sometimes we can mesh with each other and sometimes we just want different things and different results as our lives play out...nothing wrong with that.

I have to keep reminding myself that I didn't find him "under a rock" and there has got to be someone else out there whom I'm just as compatible with...I just thought I had found it, but am grateful that we had not married and then the realization hit!

I'm now at a place that I'm happy to be on the journey I'm on...just ready for company! lol.

knew you loved us too much to stay away....**HUGGLES**

hi sihw! i kind will just do drive bys here most likely... i am really too busy to do much more. how have ya been?

yes, diamond, i do like your sig line, but i can say that i smile over MOST of it, NOT ALL of it.. there were some things that were pretty hurtful. but yes, i do not cry that it is over anymore, and am glad, for the most part, that the time we had did happen. we are definitely on 2 different pages and on 2 different levels of recovery, and that does not work. period. and that's ok. but, as td jakes says in his book, you gotta "let it go!" you can't continue to beat a dead horse, and i feel that is what we were doing. and he probably felt that way too but just never said it.

i am very ready to move on and very happy with the friendship i have that continues to grow.

and yes, i do believe no contact is just the way to go. i think it is the only way to let go completely. and my personal feelings are that when you start to get to know someone new, you really shouldn't be chatting with old bf/gfs. that has always been my stance and always will be my stance. and that was one area that gekko definitely did NOT agree with me on especially considering that he would still talk to on the phone, go to dinner or lunch with, and stay in contact with women he had once dated while dating me. absolutely do not agree with that nor am i ok with it either. that is a boundary i WILL enforce in future relationships.

it is a continual learning process i am seeing!

mlhb

Hey Blondie!

Long time no talk! It's good to hear to from you and in a good way too. Can't talk much, work sucks and my computer is down at home. I'll catch up with you soon.

This process we are all going thru has many parts to it from what I have learned. We all have been thru a lot and we've changed. Some more than others, but I think it's safe to say that anyone whose been thru an A has been changed forever. Learning to deal with that alone is a challenge. Add someone new to the picture and you have turmoil to say the least!

The good part is we are still out there trying and not giving up on either ourselves or our belief that there are others out there worth getting to know.

Talk soon!

duk

duk, no way it is you! now, if we could just find sturgis we could have a reunion!

good to hear from you! wish you would keep in touch. any new prospects your way?? when is your dd's wedding?? i never did get an invite you bad man!

yes, this is a process. i really thought i had found THE one. and boy did it hurt that i didn't. my summer pretty much sucked as i spent most of it crying. but that is over and done now and a new year has dawned. i am enjoying having a new friend, well a new old friend. moving a friendship into a new direction i guess is what i am trying to say! lol
we are on the same page on so many things and there is absolutely no pressure. just slowly getting to know each other better and nothing more. he is older than i am, about 12 years, but you know i don't even realize it? AND, i think i like the fact that, due to age, he is established in his life, has his own new home, and is more or less set ya know? that feels good to me. so we shall see what happens. i am in no rush to jump into another relationship since this last one really took me awhile to heal from as you know. but i like the idea that down the line there could be someone really great there.

tell me how you are when you get the chance.

mlhb

man this weather stinks! freezing rain for 2 days and snow and ice and... YUCK! i am so sick of this. when will it end i ask? WHEN?!

i didn't even dare to take my son to his out of town hockey game this morning. when i called the state troopers they were like "if you don't need to be on the roads do NOT go on them" so we didn't.

how is everyone's weekend thus far? since we are snowed and iced in, we have been cleaning and watching some tv. dd has a friend over so i have giggly girls here streaking their hair with hannah montana hair color! and my poor son is hiding in his room from them haha

i am planning on tomorrow being more of the same.

hope you all are having a fab weekend!

mlhb

I am "stealing" this list from another forum on here. It is a list that a fws does for his w to show her that he is responsible to his w for these things. As I read this list I am thinking that this is how it should be as soon as we are in a committed relationship with someone. I feel like this list explains what my boundaries are and what I expect from someone who is exclusively committed to me and how I would be with them as well. I have never had anything even close to this list in any of my relationships and after reading this I believe in the future that definitely has to change. I think it is just a matter of mutual respect. I guess I know if someone is not willing to be this open, then they are not ready for a certain level of commitment. What do you all think? here is the post:

Extraordinary Precautions:

a) I am responsible to protect my wife at all times.
b) I will give full access of all my business records to my wife.
c) I will agree to give all passwords, account codes business and personal to my wife.
d) I will not put myself in an advice giver role with another woman, unless my wife is present and has given her prior approval.
e) I will defer to my wife as the advice giver when it involves another woman, unless she specifically calls on me.
f) I will not spend any time with another woman that my wife is not present.
g) I will allow only my wife to hear my problems or concerns.
h) I will not share my infirmities with another woman.
i) I will allow my wife to be my exclusive care giver, unless she specifically calls on someone else to help her.
j) I will defer to my wife in all matters of charity and outreach, with her being the sole point of contact when caring for women.
k) I will not teach martial arts to another woman without my wife being present and having enthusiastic agreement about such training in advance.
l) I will openly share my daily business schedule with my wife.
m) At any time she requests, I will trade cell phones with my wife for the time she deems necessary.
n) I will allow only men to provide essential care, such as Doctors appointments, hair cuts, massages, individual counseling, etc.
o) I will always defer to my wife regarding any outside activity and will agree to eliminate any activity she feels is interfering in our relationship or the relationships of our children.

This list is to let xyz see that "I Get It" and I am responsible to protect her at all times.....



An old friend used to say to me all the time "if you go into the shoe store often enough, sonner or later you will walk out with a new pair of shoes". The "extraordinary precautions" are not "general precautions" to keep me from buying shoes in the store. They are a road map designed to keep me completely away from the shoe store to begin with.

some of the things on the list may or may not pertain to everyone (like the business stuff or the martial arts stuff) and women could just substitute husband/bf in there,
but i do think this list has a lot of great stuff in it and is one i think should be thought about once a relationship gets to that exclusive and seriously looking at a future stage. I just think it is a great showing of boundaries and how important they are to keeping things safe.

For me, I have had boundaries crossed that I did not enforce in every single relationship I have had. I can't let that happen anymore period. It always end up biting me. And I know I need someone in my life who totally gets that.

mlhb

i am feeling pretty good today.
life is going really well and i am so thankful for that.
my job is going well and my boss paid me a huge compliment the other day. i have to say, where i work is a perfect fit for me.
last year i started a retirement account that has many different stock options that i participate it. i find it very exciting every month when i open my mail and get my portfolio. how cool is that?
i am pretty excited that my job offers me a second retirement account as well.
my classes start back up in march and i am well on my way to being done with my bachelors.
i did REALLY well on my taxes this year and plan some great remodeling projects.
i continue to enjoy a wonderful friendship with someone pretty awesome.
guess i am just happy and thankful that 2008 is going so well thus far. a big thank you to the man upstairs for being so faithful!

mlhb

I like to see a post of thanks and appreciation.

Yeah! We all have so much for which to be thankful.
I too look forward to tax time where I get "paid back" for the cost of the divorce, and don't need to deal with X's business taxes.
And, the IRS clarified their standing on the Childcare tax credit (which Turbotax had wrong last year). So I hope to be able to file electronically.

For those who don't know what this is, I can claim only one of my children on my taxes, but as the residential parent, I get to claim the Childcare tax credit on both kids (whether I actually laid out the money or not (according to accountant)). So, a benefit for residential parents (who typically incur most of the cost anyway.

Oh! I'm thankful that X is finally stepping up to the plate lately. Took the kids while I was on a business trip. And, . . . . He's taking them to the Father/Daughter Dance this year! TADA. First time for both things. This is great for the girls.

great news on all fronts newly!

mlhb

I just got permission at work to run a weight loss/ get healthy challenge! Our executive director ok'd it yesterday. So, we will meet once a week for weigh in, support, recipe exchange, etc... We will base it on weight loss and making healthy changes. It will be a points system. We will run in 6 month intervals. I started this to give me a kick in the butt and to give me support. AND IT WORKED! I am going to do mine raw, but people can do whatever type of diet they want. If anyone has any cool topics we could discuss let me know. We will be having 1 hour meetings once a week.

How cool is this! I am printing off the flyers for work right now :-) This will be fun.

How is everyone doing?

mlhb

Hey again! I enjoyed seeing your homepage btw! Glad your job is going wonderfully!

thank you! nice to see you back.

mlhb