The wonderful thing about marriagebuilders is that you will be happy no matter what happens. With the help of you wonderful posters, I learned what I needed to improve my life.

Either the WS will come back, and you go on the have a better marriage, or you will get tired of it and move on to a nice life for yourself.

Anyway, ex did stop by tonight, and gave me the same sad old story that he is sorry, regrets everything, its all his fault, why don't I take him back.........

Hang in there, guys, things can only go up.

Believer,

If you really believe in MB principles then you know you could be in love with your ex again. Just interested in why you don't see it that way? Do you doubt his motives?

No I don't doubt his motives. He has been too consistent, and says all the right things.

I'm sure I could love him again, but don't think I could respect him. I just lost all of that.

Anyway, I ignored the MB advice about not dating for 2 years after the divorce, and I have another man.

Good for you. You deserve it.

Thanks - just goes to show that the MB advice is right - no dating for a good while.

But I can look back and know that I tried. I won't want to be in my ex's shoes. He is depressed and miserable.

I truly hope that I can get to where you are. You are really an inspiration and proof that we can move beyond the A and have a good life.

Doesn't look like XMr.Believer is going to give up anytime soon. And I agree with you - it would be possible to love them again, but to respect? well, that would be tough. Just to trust again would be a challenge.

You go Goddess!!!

Hang in there and believe. They almost always come back to the marriage. Guard your heart so that you will still want him.

Hi Believer!!
Glad to hear all is well with you. I remember our ex's were quite similar. My ex has also been sorry and would like to get back together, etc. We were divorced 12/05. I guess what I would want all the suffering to know is this:

I was soooo afraid of losing him that I did exactly that. I hung on his coatails hoping for scraps. Finally I sent him a letter, this is it, last chance, etc. I think that was 11/06. I'm not sure if he responded. This was after the divorce and we had made awkard attempts to reconnect and I knew on some level he was not completely over me. He didn't treat me well, but didn't want to completely cut the cord. I met someone in January 07 (rebound relationship) and never looked back. It didn't last but it gave me my self esteem and ME back.

Now it is he who writes me speaking of "last chance to get back together". I must have received about 6 of those. But not until I could walk away. IF I had known then what I know now (listen up PLAN B on the fence people). Humans have a sixth sense about these things. The sad thing is he never should have left in the first place. He regrets it, has not been with OW for probably about a year, and is living in a hovel. We get along very well and talk frequently. People don't undertsand. He tells me whoever I wind up with is very lucky to have me. It is kind of sad actually. I know he is right. And he was lucky to have me.

Like you said, it all boils down to respect. It is not a lack of respect for him that prevents me from getting together again, it is the lack of respect he had for me that does.

Anyway, I am sooo very happy for you.
All the best-
Shattered

Well, you can forgive, but can't forget. Especially a lack of respect.

I'm glad you found some sort of happiness anyway, believer.

B....

Ya crack me up....and thank you for showing us BS how MB truly does work. YOu are in such a good place right now, and such a great friend....and all because of HIS mistake... I guess the WS are pretty much text book, right up to the end....

not2fun

Shattered - Good to see you posting. We have to be the ones to show the others here the way to happiness. And I agree, the whole affair was for nothing. Too bad for him.

Bellafleur- I think I might have forgiven and gotten back with him if I hadn't found someone else. Who knows?

Not2 - Feeling better yet? Yes, the MB plans work. My ex was so determined to get rid of me that he almost ran over me with his Harley on the way out of here. He was cold to me all through his affair. He was just done with me.

After the affair ended, he turned back into the guy I married.

Take this for what it's worth Believer but I really don't believe you are truely done with your Ex-Husband. I think your continual threads on this subject are evidence you are NOT done.


And similar posted by you countless times.

Just sayin......

umm Big K...I've been thinking the same thing. Of course, I don't know B whole story, just the summarized version, and I do know her feelings on her new man, but then again you never know....

I don't think a person ever really lets go of a relationship that has involved the raising of children so if B still has feelings for her ex, then that's perfectly understandable. How does your new boyfriend feel B about your ex wanting you back? Does he know?

I love Believer's testimony. I remember you saying that whie you're in plan B it can cause you to lose your love for your WS. I thought about that today..surprisingly scary. It's like you work on you and focus on you to make a better life for yourself..then you might or will forget...

Yes, you do because there are so many of us who are quite there yet and believe that there is happiness on the other side.

Please keep posting and knowing that our turn to help is coming.

That I believe....

I have thought for a while Believer that we should also list "plan Be" on here, alongside "plan b".

"Plan Be" is personal recovery 101: an investment in self and a retention of personal integrity regardless of the actions of our wayward spouse.

I'm proud of you, and inspired by you, lady !

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I think you'd be ODD if you did not have some interest in your wayward's behaviour towards you now. It is at least a vindication that there was not something intrinsically "wrong" with you as a spouse that caused his A, although I suspect you know this already.

And I think your H has been so disrespectable in his behaviour towards you and his family that it is unhealthy to consider restoring a relationship with him.

I think you'd be buying yourself a seized up old Indian, that s been buried in mud for forty years as a restoration project there if you took him back.

For that to make sense you don;t just have to like motorcycles , or ever Indians , but you have to like RESTORATION.

I have learned I don't. And I suspect, with your shiny, leak-free Harley evo out back, you won't want to either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

all blessings

Believer,

I know what the others are saying. I've also thought that you might want him back, but on the other hand I sometimes think that you just needed him to come back for validation, vindication, whatever.

I think that it is every BS's dream to have the WS crawl back, whether we allow them back in or not. Of course you have feelings for him. Heck, you can't have 8 kids with someone and not, but I do agree with Shatterd in that the WS lack of respect for us is maybe what prevents R.

I think after she said it, it made me realize that is my issue too. Most WS's lie, but from what I have seen here, it seems that most of them eventually fess up, say the found their tru love, and leave. In my case, my WH really led a double life - living with OP behind my back for over a year (telling her he was D). Then continued to lie for another year while he pretended recovery. That's hard to swallow.

And like BP says, the restoration project is even harder. Not sure about your WH, but mine wouldn't put in the effort. He thinks it should be automatic. Duh.

They just don't get it. Anyway, YOU have the luxury of deciding what YOU want to do at this point.

What does your X think of your new love interest? Now he knows how you felt hopefully....

While this is SO TRUE, for me this was a place I had to come to. I didn't know instinctively or even believe that I could or would recover in spite of whether my M was restored or not. I am not totally there yet, but today I walk in FAITH that G-d is making it happen and I just need to follow his comfort and footsteps.

Thanks, BP, some wise words.

I totally agree with you Chai. BTW, I miss talking to you...

Hey Believer,

Just checking in to see how it's going. A few of us wanted to know if XMr. Believer knows about your new man and what he thinks. Also if the new man knows that X is back and bugging you.

Ahhh...being wanted by two...dang, you are a Goddess!!!