Heh. Like that idea.

Maybe you need to just start saying 'you are not my father' and leave the room every time he does something like that.

When I met my H, we worked together, and he was the star salesman, but the other guys kept stealing his sales because he's a wimp. He'd whine about it, day after day after day. I'd give him advice, he'd ignore it and come back to whine again. I finally told him (back then I had cajones) to just stuff it if he wasn't going to listen to me and use the advice. Last night, he calls from his business trip, whining about how the guy he's with keeps ditching him to do selfish stuff, leaving H stranded, etc. Admittedly, I'd had some wine, but I finally got tired after 20 minutes of it and just snapped 'why don't you just man up and stop letting him run all over you?' I wish I could talk to him like that more often.

Seriously, seems like the best thing you can do is just politely point out to him, every time he does one of these things, the clinical definition of what he's doing. That's logic, and he can't argue it as well. If you keep doing it, he'll eventually realize you're keeping tabs and are not willing to give in. 'You're not making this a negotiation, since I have already said no, so I will not do it.' 'This is often seen as an attempt to control the other person, since the other person has no say.' 'When one person makes a derogatory comment about the other, it is about the first person and his own feelings of inadequacy and need to control.' Stuff like that.

Good luck.

I have to say, my patience is so thin that I simply did not hear him. When I woke up, I made no mention of 'trip.' I wasn't going to have any part of it. He hasn't brought it up either.

I was in a pretty bad mood. He was singing Elton John in the tub, I couldn't be near that. So took bath after his. He cranked up Elton John on the stereo -- knowing that stresses me out. I screamed, SCREAMED, get me my ear plugs, it was so loud. He turned it down and said, "But I had the door closed."

@#(&#!

So the muscles in my neck and back all twisted up like a gnarled tree, and I was left in intense pain from the stress. (The Fibro kicking up.) I had to take a vicodin -- which takes a while to kick in.

Because he started the kitchen floor project without me, he started going into hysterics about my share. He said it was 'just empty the pantry.' I said, "Get real! You know my share includes the sweeping and mopping and etc. etc." AO for sure because my patience was so thin. He had the nerve to say, "I'm not yelling!"

I said, "But I know where you are headed."

Even though I was angry with him trying to rush me and push me around, I still ultimately was going to get a new floor, so I did what needed to be done. Because he had another argument about his controlling nature this morning, he knew better than to even attempt to steal credit. Of course, I must go in when he's done and and reload the pantry etc etc. What will he say I contributed to the project? Nothing.

A big fat nothing. That's another thing getting under my skin lately. How he is saying I never contribute, I never help. I've gone to that da** gas station to get his cigarettes, latest craving, etc., over a 100 times since I met him. I clean the house. I do a lot of the errands. I give him sex whenever he wants it. I clean out the car, take it to the car wash, get the oil changed, get it repaired.

What ELSE does he want me to do? Yes, his jobs around. (He even asked me why I wasn't driving the trash down -- to illegally dump it at the factory where HE works. Um, let's see, I'd get a ticket, you wouldn't?) Yes, wipe his fanny.


We are supposed to be so supportive, not have AOs, but where does it lead? I think sometimes it just leads to us painting ourselves into the corner so that we become their whipping boys.

I wish my husband would be supportive of me. It just doesn't happen. In fact, I am learning now that the only way I can feel good about myself is to leave the room when he starts degrading me. He thinks all those put-downs are so funny; it's how he and his friends conduct themselves at the factory.

I am a woman; I am his wife. It's not working for me. It's making me dread being around him.


I lose my head, get emotional, and lose my sense of logic too frequently. So I am going to keep doing more reading. One thing I did get out this morning is that, "You like to be in control, and I am a person who does not like to be controlled." He laughed, but I think he knew I was being straight-up.

I tried borrowing the book about the Minds of Controlling Men from the library. There were too many holds for me to even request it! That says something, doesn't it?

I was able to request Dance of Anger and Soft Addictions. I'm not sure how long it will take for them to arrive, but I found several other books on the shelf.

One was about divorce in my state. DH doesn't know this, but I own half of everything he owns right now. Doesn't matter in this state if only his name is on the mortgage. I actually have to sign OFF if I am willing to forfeit MY half of the home.

OMG! I seriously had no idea. Makes divorce a little less financially scary for me. But I don't dare tell him; he will freak.

Even applies in an annulment!

An affair can change the financial outcome of the divorce, so the book strongly advised not to have an affair -- or even date while the divorce was in proceedings. Hmm, DH threatened to have an affair, attempted to use an exit affair in his last relationship....

Obviously, I didn't bring that book home.

I did bring home the book, "It's my Life Now," that was written for women who left an abusive relationship. I figured since it had a past tense title -- and DH knows my ex hit me once -- it was okay to bring home.

I was very surprised to learn that my domestic partner from way back -- from my early twenties -- had sexually-abused me. I figured I was consenting. But in truth, he kept asking and asking and asking until I thought he would leave me if I didn't. He convinced me to once have sex with his best friend -- and another time have an affair with my platonic male friend. (He found this erotic.)

This sexual abuse seriously messed me up; I know it now. I had nightmares about this man weekly for many years. I still have a nightmare about him at least once a month. They say that this sort of thing can be at the root of CFS/Fibromyalgia. (Not to mention my mother had Borderline Personality Disorder and insulted/criticized/ridiculed me everyday of my childhood.)

As I unpeel these layers of abuse, I can see why I am so sick. My startle reflex is intense. I am nervous. I am shaky. I can't feel safe anywhere. I ask DH to make sure the door is locked every morning because I am so afraid of getting raped. (It's strange to me that I still love sex so much; but, I really only love it in a monogamous setting.)

I have a really big mess under all of this. I really don't want IC right now -- even though I probably need it -- because I'm certain they'd recommend leaving my DH -- and I am not ready to give up yet.

Though I have to say I'm much less afraid than I once was. It's his threatening and EAs that are breaking my heart, breaking my faith. I'm even afraid to tell him what I learned about the sexual abuse -- because when he accidentally found out about the threesome thing -- even though I explained it was against my will, only after months of coercion -- he extremely jealous of it and very by intimidated it.

I just keep trying to bury it, but that's not working anymore. And my pain flairs are getting worse and worse lately. This is serious stuff I need to work on -- all the while attempting to Plan A. Some days it's just too much.

VS, I know it may not seem like from your side of the glass, but you seriously need some help. Not the 'you're crazy' kind of help, but the 'let me help you find a sense of peace' help. I'm serious. With your FOO, and past abuse, and current abuse, and medical, and money...you're scaring me. ICs don't just naturally tell you to leave, if you tell them that's not what you want. Mine has only mentioned divorce once, as an aside, a potential outcome if nothing else works, mainly just so I can tell myself I have a way out if everything else doesn't work. Please find someone and go.

Regarding your stress, I have a great book for you. I ordered it online used for a few bucks, after someone referred it on my thread. It's called Emotional Alchemy, and it talks about how you can observe what you're experiencing, but learn to detach yourself from it so that you can work on it but not let it tear you apart in the meantime. Stuff about meditation, observation, neat stuff. I highly recommend it. It might help with all the anger and fear you're going through.

I'd like to make another suggestion. Try telling your H that you are going to take care of yourself for a week. That you need it so that you don't have a nervous breakdown, whatever applies. But tell him that you'll be unavailable to 'support' him for the next week, while you're doing this maintenance work. For the next week, do what you need to do for you. Do what you WANT to do for you. Act as if you aren't married, and make your decisions based on that. Want to go out to eat? Go out. Want to rent a movie you like? Do it. Want to take an all-day drive? Tell him you'll be back by 10pm and go.

I really think you need to reconfirm who you are, before you lose it altogether, like I have. I'm so numb most of the time I can't remember who I used to be, when I made decisions just for me, when I said no, when I didn't give up everything I am to keep the peace. If I hadn't made myself numb, I'd be doing exactly what you're doing. So please consider taking this drastic measure so that you don't jump that gap and turn into me.

I guess that is something to consider. H is obviously not someone I can talk to you. He wants me to be done talking the very moment a word comes out of my mouth. He does not like talking about any of our issues.

If we divorce, I will lose health insurance. (Here H would interject and say, "She thinks she has problems! If I lose my job, etc., etc." I am not permitted to have genuine problems.

So I'll have to go now or never. Since we'd have to sell in the house in divorce (I decided no way am I forfeiting my share after the way H treated me last night; that was his nail in the coffin.) It would take 1-2 years to sell.

I guess I would have insurance through that time frame? I take the warnings about dating/affairs seriously, would not indulge. If H tries to hide assets (I see that coming next,) that would hurt him in court too. I could walk away a well-set woman. (However, in this market, with two mortgages and the prices houses go for around here, I could walk out in debt.)


I'll look into this one too. For some reason's the books you recommend are always checked out, lol. The stress is tearing me apart. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm losing weight in the not good way. He seems fine. A little stressed out about work, but he makes it clear he couldn't care less about me.


That is sort of what this last week was supposed to be. He was supposed to back off, stop judging me, stop bossing me and let me be me. But he would not. He would not respect boundaries.

One day, he had me running around town getting him things. Because I took ten minutes too long, he said forget about it. I already had the stuff. I wanted to destroy it and throw it in the trash (except the library book, I wanted to throw that in the book return.)

That is a prime example of how he treats me, and how he treated me again yesterday with the floor. You didn't do this the very SECOND the thought came into my head, therefore I have the RIGHT to treat you like dirt the rest of the day. And he did. No, I am wrong, he treated me like dirt from the get go. Maybe because he knew in his heart I wasn't planning to participate in his test?

So last night, he did let me know where he was going (just barely, I barely heard him,) and he took off -- to run the stupid errands he wanted me to run for him. NO kiss good-bye, NO I love you. Just took off.

Whenever I leave the house, I tell him where I am going, when I will be back, and I ask him if I can get anything for him. Then I usually kiss him and say good-bye.

But if HE has to do something? Oh, no. He's never supposed to have to do ANYTHING. So treat wife like sh**.

(I wish I could say this was a rare thing, but it is not.)


I do to. He is systematically erasing my personality by keeping in a state of constant stress, of walking on eggshells, of never knowing what little tiny thing is going to set him off to get me a cold shoulder day. My startle reflex is off the charts. I'm either crying all the time -- even in public -- or I am too numb to even think straight.

Today is the day I am supposed to write the letter to him, and of course, I got no sleep again. (I even took four Melatonin, still barely any sleep.) He was snoring away last night. (We had another fight via text -- albeit one-sided, me angry that he took off in that manner. I told him exactly what I needed: flowers, an apology, a big hug, passionate kiss.

What did I get? The cold shoulder. He didn't speak a word to me. Rolled over in bed and would not come near me. (I think he is that bad word that I sometimes refer to as a
fanny vent.)

I want to write the letter and attach a copy of the ENs questionnaire. It uses up a lot of ink, so I bought more just in case. Have no idea what to put in the letter right now because I am so full of DJs and AOs in my head right now.

As for getting him to comply to really giving me a week off? For real, not just saying he will? I don't think he could do it.

He could not even go a single, solitary day without degrading me about my business.

"As you know, I am very unhappy in this relationship. I have asked you to read the book "Fall in Love, Stay in Love," so you could understand my needs, but you refused.

So I am taking the questionnaires from those books, printing them out and completing them. There is a blank copy for you to complete if you decide to.

You will soon learn that my top 5 emotional needs are:

1. Openness & Honesty -- this means being open about everything that is going on in your life and being completely honest. I am very unhappy with how things are in this category.

2. Sexual Fulfillment -- this means in order to be happy, I need sex on a regular basis. It is a priority for me. I am happy with everything that happens below the waist, but I am very unhappy with lack of kissing and foreplay. I have said it before. I do not feel as if I exist above the waist when we make love.

3. Affection -- this is hugging, holding and touching that does not need to lead to sex. I am very unhappy with the amount of affection I am getting. (Lack.)

4. Admiration -- this means saying true and positive things about me. I am very unhappy with the amount of admiration I am getting; in fact, I feel I am in a perpetual state of *dis*admiration.

5. Financial support -- this means the husband is the primary breadwinner, willing to pay the major bills, etc. I am very happy in this area.

I hope that you can see the irony. In the areas where it is perfectly free for you to make me happy, you choose not to. This is hurting me a lot. It wouldn't cost you one red cent to bring me all kinds of happiness, but you purposefully choose not to.

I am living in a vicious cycle. You do something to make me unhappy. I cannot sleep. I get up the next morning in physical pain. I cannot deal with my day. You get upset with me. I cannot sleep. I get up the next morning in physical pain. I cannot deal with my day. I get ticked off at you....

I am like a hamster stuck in a wheel, and this is NOT how I will continue to live. I'm losing a lot of weight because I am too stressed out to eat. We have one or two nice days, I get hopeful, but then we are right back where we started.

I have been trying to meet your needs for a long time. So far, it appears to me that it just is impossible to do it. To meet your needs, I must be perfect, solve all your problems, do everything perfectly, be perfect. I can't do it. If you complete the form, maybe I will have a more accurate idea of what you expect of me. But you should keep in mind that I will only focus on the top five needs. It is not possible for one person to meet all needs perfectly. (There is more information on this in the book.)

You say you don't complain, but you complain daily. With sacarsm. With snide remarks. By giving me the cold shoulder. By not touching me in bed. By not apologizing when you are mean or rude to me. By purposefully trying to harm my possessions. By rejecting me. By criticizing me. By making fun of me."

That's what I have so far.

continued.... "I have decided to also include the Lovebusters Questionnaire since I have that book too. It would make more sense to you if you read the book. (Lovebusters is condensed within the book Fall in Love, Stay in Love.) But it isn't necessary to read the book in order to complete the form.

If you decide it just isn't worth it to you take make this effort, let's move forward on the divorce. I cannot live a life of sitting on the fence, wondering when you will come at me with your ax. I cannot live this way."

Haven't read the next post, but wanted to respond to this one first.
Here is where you HAVE to change your thinking, for your sake. You are placing the onus on HIM. This should be about YOU doing what YOU need, not him LETTING you! I say a week because if you only do it for a day, it will not help you. If you do it for a week, your H will recognize what you are not contributing to his comfort level for that week, and may become more compassionate about how good you are for him.

It is YOUR boundary, not his. If you have to do battle with him every day by leaving the room every single time he gets in your face, do it. If it becomes a real battle, just pack up and leave. A few days by yourself will do you wonders, and you know it. I'm serious. Don't let him determine how your boundaries operate just by him being louder, stronger, and more obnoxious. That is how abusers get what they want, and they know it.

And this?
is a perfect example of how you say one thing, but crumble and give in, and he knows you will. You have to steel yourself to be just as rude, strong, and obnoxious as him, at least for this one week. He will respect nothing less, and will trample you otherwise.

Do you see how you are giving him all the power?

And by giving him a questionnaire, when you know damm well he has no intention of filling it out is you self-sabotaging. You know he won't, you will use his not filling it out to throw in his face, and the R will get even worse. I would reconsider.

Just work on yourself. Ignore him if you have to. Pretend he's not there, he's certainly capable of pretending you're not there!

Do you have any friends or other support who can help you get through this week? If you can't go away somewhere, can you find something to do away from home, and turn off your cell phone, for most of the time?

I went away for two days a few years ago, and it completely freaked my H out. He actually brought D17 and showed up where I was staying, he got so nervous about me going off on my own.

Ok, I read the rest. I'm sorry you've gotten to this point (although I don't blame you, based on your description of him). He actually reminds me of my abusive ex-fiance. I'm sure I would have killed myself if I had married him. And you might as well go ahead and give him the questionnaires, if you're willing to walk now. You never know.

I can't tell you not to move forward with this, because he clearly is unwilling - at least at this stage - to be there for you. It is possible that, by doing this, it may jumpstart his concern and willingness.

I think you're a very capable person, and can do fine with or without him. In fact, I'd bet that a big chunk of your medical problems will disappear if you were away from him.

Good luck.

I totally understand what you are saying here, and certainly this is what I was steeling myself to do. But where I fail is that he says, "Do XYZ!" that I was going to do anyway, for myself, and I say, "When you tell me what to do, I don't want to do it all because I can't stand being told what to do," to that he says, "Prove me wrong!"

So I guess you could say he is stealing my thunder and causing me to withdraw. If I accomplish what I want to do -- for myself -- it is HIM that walks around like Tarzan, beating his chest, acting so triumphant. It makes me cringe and not want to please him -- by doing the very things that please me. (In particular, earning money.)

I want to know how to work around that situation. I work from home, so he's got his nose right up my fanny. (So sorry, but it's true.) He tracks what I am doing. Except when he is at work, I can't get free of his watching/judging, and no, I can't relocate, way to expensive. I've got to learn to work in this lock-down situation DESPITE him, DESPITE his gloating. I do believe that if I could get some decent sleep, I would have the strength to do just that.


I have thought of doing this so many times, but he would empty the house. Hide his assets.

I found myself cowing to his requests because of my mindset, "I'm going there anyway." But in a true week off, I was the weak one for giving in. I have switched to a Plan B thread. If I had gone dark, not let him know my whereabouts, he never would have been able to make such requests.


Good point. He is not respecting me at all right now. I have nothing to lose at this point. Where do LBs fall when you move to Plan B I wonder? I guess if you are not speaking with the person, you don't have to worry about LBs?


Yes, I do see. It is not a real concern to me if he answers or not. I pretty much know his top five -- or at least top 3. DS is super-high, unrealistically high, and dominates all of his thoughts. SF is an afterthought, but if he didn't get it, he would not like it, so it's up there. Admiration, very high. It is hard to be attracted to someone who is being cruel.

So, honestly, I'm only giving him copies as a courtesy. I think the fact that he refused to read the book, etc., proves that he doesn't care to work at the marriage. I think my taking these steps might make my side of a divorce case go easier for me -- at least I made the effort.

H hit the med cabinet twice this morning. I'd better check. I'm assuming he is trying to get me to worry him harming himself. I read about that warning in a book yesterday.


So true!


My mom's on vacation; I don't want to spoil. My dad would insist I leave him immediately. I can call one other friend, but she is insanely busy, never has time.


I would leave, but I am really certain he'd use the opportunity to conceal assets. I believe if he does that though, the court can subpoena his friends that might be hiding his stuff? I didn't read that, but I assume it could happen.

"You told me recently that I have to decide if I can stay with a man who is cold and closed off. My answer is no. Either you will have to change that, or, no, I can't stay.

A relationship is not meant to make one party lonely and isolated while the other hides their thoughts.

You need to decide: Can I be with a woman who needs steady love, not just love for a day or when I want her to do something for me? Can I be completely open and honest with her? Help her be prepared for our life together instead of pulling the rug out from under with hidden surprises? Can I confide my marital problems with my wife rather than another women? Can I live without non-platonic (emotional affair) relationships with other women? Can I realize and fully comprehend this will help my wife's physical health as well as help her love me?

Can I shower her with affection? Can I give her the foreplay she needs? Can I kiss her with passion at least once a week? Can I be kind to her? Can I respect her? Can I realize and fully comprehend this will help my wife's physical health as well as help her love me?

Can I admire her? Can I stop so being sarcastic and demeaning? Can I stop judging her to the point of hurting her over and over? Can I start being genuinely supportive? Can I realize and fully comprehend this will help my wife's physical health as well as help her love me?

Can I be more patient? Can I ask for advice then accept it? Can I be a husband instead of a friends/enemy-with-benefits? Can I be proud to be married?

Can I handle the good days and the bad? Can I stop punishing my wife when she isn't perfect, when things go wrong? Can I stop asking her to fulfill me every little whim? Can I stop trying to control her with my text messages and selfish demands?

Can I love her? Can I really be there for her? Can I hear what she says when she has problems? Will I let her hear and help when I have problems?

Those are my questions for you."

I completed the letter. I made a few grammatical changes, but the substance was the same. I filled out the questionnaires, attached them, attached the blank forms.

Put it under H's XBox controller with READ ME -- XBOX CHEATS written at the top. I just don't want him to miss it.

Does that mean today I am officially asking for a divorce?

He is busy working on the kitchen floor. It does affect me that I know he rushed this project to please me. But DS is not at the top of my needs. I do like projects to get done, don't get me wrong, but I haven't been hugged in days. Barely kissed. Except for that shopping trip, barely acknowledged.

If he is breaking his back to please me in the wrong area, then the letter is still relevant. I appreciate what he is doing, but why is he doing it? And at the same time neglecting me in so many other areas? That part I don't get.

He asked me to reload the pantry. Hmmm, I don't feel like it.

Men often get very frustrated because they cannot see things from a 'female' perspective, and when they do what they THINK will fix a problem, and we don't appreciate it, they feel cheated or hurt. I kind of think it's a childish thing, this ability to not empathize, but I suppose they really can't help it; they're just not programmed that way.

Hopefully you can talk about that, once he reads the letter. 'I really understand that your fixing the floor is your way of fixing the marriage, and I love you for that, but it's like me asking you to pick up shampoo and you bring home toothpaste ; it's a great gesture, but I still can't wash my hair.' I agree the letter is still relevant. Any communication is relevant, IMO.

I feel bad because when I answered you earlier, I didn't realize you were that close to walking. I hope I didn't say the wrong thing.

Valentine, I only have a moment right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you, for healing and comfort and peace and discernment for you. Do you have someone you can go visit today, to get some badly needed connection and serenity? Who makes you feel so good, so much like yourself again, to be around? Can you explain you're having a fibro episode and ask to relax there?

Let go of your H for today, VS. He'll be okay. Put him in God's hands. Breathe.

(((VS)))

He did read the letter. We did have a chance to talk about this a little -- how household projects mattered to me, but the other things were more important. He had trouble wrapping his mind around that. I will have to keep trying. You see, I don't want to discourage him from doing household projects -- he was really poorly motivated and (let's face it) lazy about them when we first met -- but I do want him to know he can slow down. I won't be leaving him because he didn't fix the mailbox.


I can tell you what motivated me. It was discovering I was sexually abused. And knowing that I could not talk to my husband about it. And knowing that he would be continuing all of the verbal abuse while I tried to deal on my own. So please don't feel guilty. Not one bit. You've been great.

Thank you for your note EO. I had a weird feeling, like I should not leave the house, but I did crawl into bed and pile the covers high. I didn't know when DH read the letter exactly, but I heard him sniffling for quite a long while. I felt badly and in the past might have run to him. But it was time for him to come to me.

DH did read the letter. As I posted above, I heard sniffling for a long time. I was buried under a pile of covers and pillows in the bed, but I could hear him doing mysterious things.

When I came out of the bedroom for water, I saw he had refilled the pantry himself. He had cleaned up the living room. That was a strange feeling for me.

At one point, he came into the bedroom and said, "We are both miserable in this relationship, and I think that's our problem. Get a lawyer."

I was prepared for his response either way, so I rolled over thinking my half of the tax return money would have to go to legal expenses.

But later he asked me where I planned to sleep through the divorce. I said our bed, I can't sleep on my son's bed or the couch. Are you okay with me sleeping here? You've slept there plenty without touching me, you could probably do it again.

Then later, what about our financial court thing? We still have follow-up. How will that affect our divorce? We'll probably have to wait to we get official notice. We've waited before.

Then later, asked something, I started getting a little impatient. He said, "I don't know whether I should be asking you questions or not." I said, "I have told you many times you can ask me any questions you want. I am an open book, always have been, always will be."

I said, "If you want to talk, we need to sit down." I was plain dizzy from fatigue and lack of food. So we sat down.

We talked a long time about my needs. He was afraid he couldn't meet them, especially affection. He thought we could not trust each other (me, Eas; him, money.) He brought up several false things about me, which I countered.

I had three ideas in mind a) I was not going to let him off the hook, 2) I was not going to lower my boundaries and c) I was not going to have a conversation where I was the only one willing to work on the relationship.

I said one reason he tells himself those lies about me is so that he can label me and write me off -- and not treat me with compassion as one would toward any human being.

That took him by surprise. It was dead on. He excused the way he has treated me by labeling me 'sick' or a 'child' or a 'liar.' Who could blame him for being awful to a defective woman who misrepresented herself?

At some point, he mentioned that whole Big City trip that I was supposed to make for him. I said, "NO, you will not make me drive somewhere I am not comfortable driving. That is why I was talking about getting a tarantula -- and putting it in your bed! You don't decide for me how I treat my phobia."

He dropped that quick.

He said he didn't want a divorce, he loved me, I took him by surprise. I said remember last week? The text that I was unhapy, I needed a week off, then we would talk? I said this was not a surprise. I let him know well in advance.

He claimed he only threatened me with divorce once. I remembered four times and told him the circumstances of each so he could remember. I told him it was cruel and affected me for weeks and months after each threat. He was very sincere that he was sorry about those. He said he would not do that anymore.

So the conversation was long, convoluted. I was not going to argue AGAINST a divorce as he first thought. I needed him to commit to working on the things I'd written in the letter, and he is going to do so. He is pretty much over the EAs, doesn't even want to go there any more, but I said trust with me is built over time. He can't just expect me to let it go because he has. However, I am working on forgiving him.

After that, we went for a drive. I kept falling asleep. Then my stomach started growling. I slept like a charm last night.

{{{VS}}} You are truly an inspiration for me. I'm so glad you were able to achieve this. Just like I keep saying (and never following for myself), communication is king.

Thank you! You have been an inspiration to me too. I really look forward to reading the books you've recommended as soon as they come in on my library request.

Here is my recovery thread. I gave myself a ribbon icon! Hope the IC goes well.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3410540