foglights,

You are going to stay in Plan A. The list is to help you to do the loving detachment that works well with wives who are acting like yours. Plan B is about writing a letter designed to separate lovingly....and then ending all contact. Plan B is a MUCH higher risk strategy....so stick with Plan A as long as you aren't lovebusting and losing too much love for her. The detachment should help with some of that.

PMs have never been enabled on MB because the board is full of emotionally vulnerable people, and it might facilitate affairs. I'm not sure what ironic statement you're referring to....but I'm up for a good laugh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

give me a little time to see if I can get WW to come here sometime. Lets just say that moving in with a japanese farmer gave me goosebumps like somebody here knew me, my wife, or our situation!!!

I just read ILA's situation and we do have some similarities in our situations. Also, I am not supposed to spy, but how would I gather evidence to be able to bust up a manager where she works if I don't? I have communicated with the HR director already, I told him the reason for my call was to advise that she needed counseling, and lets just say that I was aware of the situation and coverup, met the guy at the christmas party, referred to my "documentation", told him I am going to stay unofficial as long as possible for my wifes sake, but warned that "he better get out of town because I will ruin him publicly and financially, and if I feel HR doesn't do their job properly, I will schedule an appointment with the president."

What think?

What I think is that you need to stop making threats so that you don't get in trouble. The "guy" is not married to you....your wife is. You worry about your wife....let HR worry about the guy. When your wife is really ready to reconcile....it won't take a bunch of spying to know it.

RGR. I guess I just need to follow your list completely for now.

I think a lot of the stuff we have been through since right before christmas is all fallout from the exposure at work anyways. But I did find out that my first attempts to bust her at work happened in november, HR guy had a university psychologist buddy come to her work, spent 1 1/2 hours with her, she basically refused further follow-up, then led up to the holiday party fiasco. But, who knows if he is truthful or not. He even used the term cake eater in our second conversation a week ago. I think he just wants me to D to save any hassles at work?

Hey! I saw my wife driving on the highway yesterday. I was going home after getting mail. She passed other direction, I exited to try to catch up in an attempt to just give her her mail. She turned around as well! I knew we couldn't keep circling, and I needed to not seem like I was "spying". Plus, after not being able to drive the nice "present" car due to crunched and donut tire, I am driving my horrid 12 mpg truck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />, and I am short on dough due to 100% bills on me now. so I just went home. I don't know how to view her turning around as well as positive, or she was just trying to get the ****** away if she was up to something, or to actually follow or catch up to me.

I am trying to implement this new plan starfish. Wish me luck!!! I am thinking it may do the trick, or maybe the time apart has cut the resentment fog?

Well, wanted to quick update. Things SEEM to be moving differently now. I sent her an email updating her on tax plans, upcoming changes where I may need her to take care of pets in an emergency, etc. She called me after she got off work. I conveyed the info. She got angry and resentful, but I did not give in to it. SHe hung up 3 times total I called her back once, she called me back twice. Good? She called me later in the evening. We had a nice pleasant talk. She started to get slightly angry, but I calmly told her it wasn't the time to discuss those things, and I know she could hear that I was calm, lonely without her, and I told her I was not bitter or angry at her, but that we needed to take it easy and that under emotional strains is not the time to make lifelong decisions. I think she is aware how much I have learned in the past few months about all the MB stuff. Our conversations are much different than they used to be, so I hope she is truly seeing the "new me". She seemed very receptive to my communications for a change. Wohoo!

Coming in to work, I noticed an unusual ph# from right during the time I was talking to her on the phone records at around 10pm last night. I checked it, it is a F at least Whew! I just don't know if it is a wrong # or something. Possibly a new buddy? Then, she called in to work an hour late today. I know she doesn't have an alarm at her new place. I am just hoping this is a false alarm, it is a wrong #, and that she is sincere in her receptiveness now.

Also, she told me last night she is tired, and on her period. I am almost thinking this is a lie, would it be normal to be 1/2 week early for a 37 year old? I thought age slowed it down over time? I am just curious as I know her "SF times" regularly and don't know if she is throwing me some bull. I think she lied by saying it speeds up. Any F members want to clarify? I am trying to figure out if there may be another OM after her workplace exposure. She does sound genuinely depressed when we talk, so I was hoping she is just in withdrawal.

Wish me luck!

I almost had the urge to call this mystery F, and ask if she were try to reach Mr. foglights or Mrs. Foglights, and I may do it at some point or not, but thanks to starfish, I refrained because I think that would fall under the do not spy on the list he provided. I only have this info from things I had already set up. I am not actively doing things that she could bust me doing while spying. If it truly was a wrong #, I would be relieved, but if it wasn't, it could have been a good thing if the F was receptive to what I am doing. I just don't want any fallout that could occur to happen, and that is why I refrained. Lets just say that now I am still stealthy, but at least remaining informed for now. I already know their name, address, age, high school class at what high school, etc, etc, etc. Lol Thanks to MB spying101.

Thanks again starfish, these little tips may bring her around sooner I hope.

After some input from other members, and having five days to research, I think I have a clue as to what I am up against. Luckily, thats half the battle, right? Needless to say, it seems very ominous unless I approach the situation properly. I may not be able to save my marriage unless she gets "tricked" into counseling since she is perfect, and I am the "flawed one".

Narcissistic, borderline, and histrionic personality disorders seem somehow combined or something seems to hit the bullseye of what I think I am up against. All seem to fit the criteria in different ways, but I don't think they are very severe.

I can't think of a worst case scenario. To get started I called the local, large university psychology dept. and have made an appointment for Feb. 6th. Hopefully, they can give me some specifics on how to interact with, and possibly help diagnose what I am up against. Anybody have experience with someone like this? I am going to try some interaction information for people in a relationship with these types of issues this this evening, and if my hypothesis is correct, may see some positive interactions with the WW. Then, I may know how to at least keep things from getting worse.