hi,

H has been calling the girls more but doesn't ask to speak to me either he is avoiding or just doesn't care. He may be coming home for a visit next month because he has a TDY down south.

I need more info on setting boundaries...any advice? Also, I am not sure if he just plans on picking the girls up for a few days or plans on hanging out here. Thanks!

I suggest you see an attorney and get some financial protection in writing. He might blow tons of money on the OW. You need to protect your family.

But whatever happens, be sure to stay married for the full 20 years.

Does he have another 18 months to go there?

How old are your children?

Hello Believer,

He was pushing for the Separate Maintenance agreement (legally binding document) but hasn't brought it up recently. If we do that, everything will be in writing and then we could wait 2 years to hit our 20 yr. He has to come up with the retainer fee though and that is $2500. Once he does that I fear that D is inevitable.

He has 10 months left and is planning on visiting here a few more times. He is suppose to be deciding where he wants to go next but he hasn't mentioned it to me. He may try to extend there and that would stink.

We have a 15 and a 12 year old. They still don't understand what is going on but either do I and they talk about missing him all the time. My oldest has dreams about him often.

This A has done so much damage. Whether we stay together or not, I do hope that one day he realizes what he has done and has some regrets. It will be nice when I can get past caring about how he feels, what he is thinking, and what he is doing.....

peg10,

I just came across this thread today or I would have posted to it before.

I am an Army officer with more than 30 years service and I have seen this before.

First and foremost, your WH is treading on dangerous ground with his career. What he doesn't realize is that even if you do not expose (and you absolutely should) if the wrong person finds out he will suffer the consequences.

You have indicated that the OW is a local woman so I am assuming that you mean a local national rather than a US citizen who works at the Embassy.

You may not realize this, but his involvement with her will probably cause him to lose his security clearance. I have seen this happen to a full Colonel who was married and had an affair with a local woman.



Perhaps, but it won't be you telling that causes this, it will be his having an affair. Besides what if he does end up divorcing you, OW could reap the benefits of his promotion.


No way the military will allow him to stop supporting his family. If he fails to do so, they can take UCMJ action against him and/or force him to have an allotment taken directly out of his pay and sent to you.




Too bad, they are not walking in your shoes. You are fighting for your marriage, not their approval.


Maybe, but even he/she has a superior that you can bump this up to. I am surmising that if he works in the Embassy and is in uniform that his supervisor right now is the Defense Attache who is also military and that they are both assigned to Defense Intelligence Agengy. If you want contact information at DIA, email me direct, I used to work for a former Director of DIA.




Do you think him possibly divorcing you and marrying OW will bring him closer to the kids?

In a word, you need to use the powerful tool you have in exposing to his superior.

Best,

Who

Hello Who,

Thank you for your comments and support. If it is okay with you, I will e-mail you directly soon. I do have a few questions for you. Thanks again

Peg

Listen to WhoMe.

I really do think you need to expose the affair. That is the quickest way to end it. Yes, hubby will be furious and may not get promoted. But it doesn't do his family any good if the two of you end up divorced and the OW ends up marrying him.

Affairs almost always end. But you don't have a good chance to save yours. He may extend and just avoid you. And add to that the fact that she is from a poorer country, and may be looking for a ticket out. She is apt to hold on to him for dear life.

Hi Peg,

I'll be around and be able to check email until next Tuesday and will then be out of the loop. I have to go back to MN to handle some issues with my Mom and will be gone for a week.

Who