No problem valentinespice. I'm sure I took some of your comments the wrong way and I think you're right, this is indeed a 'classic' debate which is exactly why I posted here because I know for sure that I'm not alone.

Thanks again for your advice and input. I really do appreciate it!

If that were the case I certainly wouldn't be criticizing you.


Very.


Agreed.


If it needs to be critiqued then I see no problem with that. My wife has absolutely no problem critiquing my work (around the house) and regularly does. But I can't? lol


Please point to where I ever said I was doing my wife a favor by taking care of my children. Yes, I am well aware that my children are, well, mine. Thank you for clarifying that.


Could have fooled me.


Again, I've never said that and I never, ever would.

You seem to be very angry with me and angry with me about things I never once said. I hope you are enjoying using the caps lock. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This is fairly obvious. Since this is a 'classic' issue, you say you have been married 20 years, and you have had many arguments about the division of household labor with your husband I would expect a response of wisdom and kindness instead of one of anger. I can assure you no man will listen to a word you say if approached in this manner. I'm sure you probably already know this.


Just as my wife could handle working and earning the income if she had to I could also handle raising the children if I had to. Not that I would want to or that I am more suited for this role (I certainly am not), but if it had to be done I'm quite confident I could do it just fine.


Great. You are better than me. You get a star.

You know what, rhindle? I've tried to be as respectful as possible, couching my feelings in as respectful tones as I could. But you obviously aren't hearing much of what we have to offer. So let me make it a little clearer, in case you are able to absorb what we're saying this way.

One, you have a communication problem. Yes, you both need to work on speaking to each other respectfully without DJs, and meet each others' ENs and avoid each others' LBs.

BUT.

Based on everything you've said, you seem to have an incredibly strong 'male' view of life. One that your wife is obviously having a problem with. As would 90% of all the women I've ever come in contact with. No one is disrespecting what you contribute in your family, but you seem to have an immense chip on your shoulder, of what you think people should be doing.

Which is fine, if your wife is willing to go along with your world view. If she isn't, though, you may find yourself enjoying your strong opinions of how your life should be - alone.

Go ahead and believe that you are right and your wife is wrong. But remember what we all tried to tell you, when you find your wife moving out in a few years, having given up on you reaching a lasting compromise in humility.

"See, this is what mom does for us every day."

I can't wait to use this line. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I would prefer this as well, but if there are no duties assigned specifically it creates resentment if one person is doing more than the other person for a prolonged period of time. If we have 'chores' then we know what we are responsible for doing and like I just learned I need to relax my expectations depending on the health and load my wife is carrying at the time.



I believe catperson was the first to use this term in this thread so I went with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I agree with what you have said here. Communication is key.

I understand the numbers and appreciate the research it took to find this. I certainly appreciate the work my wife does and I will be the first to admit I would rather her do it than me! Women are naturally more nurturing and we wanted to follow the model God laid out in the Bible. I know it is hard work. But am I worth a few bucks as well for the time I spend taking care of the children as well or does this only apply to her? I certainly would not try to say, "hey, I took care of the children today/tonight while you were out, how much would that be worth in the real world?" But if it applies to her wouldn't it apply to me as well?


This is the one that drives us men crazy. How on earth can you say you don't get paid when you wake up in the morning in your nice, temperature controlled home, throw some comfy clothes on, go downstairs and get the kids and yourself some breakfast, get in your car and take the kids to a playgroup, go to the symphony Saturday night, eat dinner and put it on the credit card that automagically gets paid every month, take pictures with your nice D-SLR camera as this is a favorite hobby of yours and load the pictures up on your nice, fast computer... so my question is if you don't get paid how can you 'afford' a home, clothes, food, car, and entertainment? If you work for 'free' then I don't see how you could have any of this. suamico, you have been extremely reasonable and kind in your responses, but this one puzzles me. Please explain how you do not get 'paid'. You may not get a paycheck with a specific amount direct deposited into your bank account, but why would you need one if you already have everything mentioned above? Sure seems like are you getting some pretty decent compensation for your work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[/quote]Trust me on this one, this issue will come up again. Not because you both won’t be able to iron it out but because you both are humans and sometimes we just need to have a pitty party for ourselves every once in a while.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> [/quote]

I am counting on it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for your kind words.

I could say the same thing to my wife and tell her that if she were to be the sole financial provider for the family that she may get the idea in a few months, but she'd never be able to 'grasp the full picture' until she did it 'day in and day out for years with no end in site...', but I will not. I can see nothing productive happening if I were to make that statement to her. Would you simply nod your head in agreement if you husband told you that? She may not be able to earn even half of my current income, but I can promise you she would do whatever it took to provide for our family financially if she had to. She would also agree that even though I am far less suited to raising the children than she is I would do whatever I had to do to make sure it was done and done right.

Wow, who TT'd in your Cheerios? I have repeatedly thanked probably every woman here for their input and taking the time to respond to me. I've tirelessly responded to every single post and have already taken some the advice from this thread. I have even specifically thanked you for your advice several times:

Thank you. I'm sure you are being heartfelt and honest and I appreciate it.

I'm going to take you at your word and try this. After all, you are a woman and so is my wife and you must think the same because you sure sound the same hehe.

Thank you catlover for taking the time to reply. I'm really going to try to take your advice.

Sounds like you're just here to pick a fight and look foolish. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

As I've mentioned my wife and I have talked and have worked out the issue for now and things are going well. We know this is an issue we will have to address in more detail, but we are committed to resolving our problems. What do you want? Blood? Is B positive ok?


Tell me something I don't already know or haven't admitted several times in this thread. I'm well aware that I have a communication problem. I am a man, she is a woman. Having a communication problem is the default setting here. What are you gaining by pointing it out after I've already acknowledged the issue? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Nice BIG BUT after you mention any possible deficiency that my wife might need to work on... and then go on to tell me it's all my fault. <sigh> I see a pattern here.


I didn't think this one would slip by you... I am a MAN. You have an incredibly strong 'female' view of life. Notice that I never pointed this out. Why? Because you are a WOMAN. I'm aware of this as is every other person reading this thread so there is no need to point out the obvious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


Notice you don't say that my wife has an incredibly strong 'female' view of life that I am obviously having a problem with. Why? Because you are a WOMAN. Apparently I'm the only man on these forums, but if any men have read any of this thread that are in my situation I would bet a years pay that 90% or more are reading this nodding their heads empathizing with my perspective. And they probably all have communication problems too that I've repeatedly admitted to, plus me and my wife have moved past this isuse. So what does your comment accomplish? Nothing except you trying to attack my character.



Not surprisingly a big BUT here after giving me any sort of credit just to make sure everyone knows that any positive attribute is conditional. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if my wife were posting here about how she thinks I should help more with the housework with her being a SAHM you would not be telling her that she has a chip on her shoulder of what she thinks people should be doing. You are so amazingly biased and one sided I cannot imagine taking any advice from you.


<gasp> Oh the drama. Thanks for the encouragement. Sounds like you've been there before.


Another comment that sounds like it came from experience. Thanks for the heads up. You are certainly one for drama, aren't you? Have you read any of my recent posts or are you only focusing on what you can use to try to attack me with? Again, my wife and I have made up. I fell on my sword and told her how sorry I was for totally not properly communicating my feelings to her about the house work, took and used some of the advice from this thread and have committed to her that I will try much harder in the future to communicate my feelings in a productive way.... and you say these things to me? And you think my wife is going to move out in a few years and give up on me now? I know you're just some woman in Houston (hey I live in Sugar Land, wanna have lunch? NOT.) that thinks they are being useful, but to say things like this seems inexcusable and irresponsible. Are you just bored? Maybe you should focus your attention to your own problems. I'm sure you have a model marriage.

We are COMMITTED to our marriage, we promised God, man, and everyone in that room that we will be together until DEATH DO US PART. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Just going by the statistics I'd say you've been married more than once and by your personality I'm sure of it, but this is my first marriage and will be my last. Until death do us part. My mother has already taught me this lesson. Please do not try to predict the failure of my marriage. From the sounds of it you may have given up in the past, but no matter how difficult it gets we never will. My wife will proudly stand by my side in agreement.

Thanks again for the encouragement.

Again, my wife and I have made up. I fell on my sword and told her how sorry I was for totally not properly communicating my feelings to her about the house work, took and used some of the advice from this thread and have committed to her that I will try much harder in the future to communicate my feelings in a productive way..

Rhindle GOOD! Very positive step. I hope she agreed she'd do the same. I know this won't specifically help with the housework issue, but I'd suggestion reading His needs/Her needs if you haven't. It's a good read on ALL emotional needs, including domestic support. Maybe your wife would read it also, maybe together? Spending time with your W with no distractions will also help foster meeting each other's needs.

I'm going to put a call out for some of our men folks here to give you some input, ok?

We have quite a few online and they are most helpful.

catperson, I am with you.

Rhindle, you came on here looking for someone who is female to agree with you. Whether or not you agree with that, that is exactly what your posts say to me, and other people on here.

O.K. you wanna get real honest?

From a womans perspective, who has raised a family, and has over 30 years experience with family and marriage issues, this is what I read in what you type:

Arrogant, egotistical, and judgemental.

You have a VERY HIGH OPINION OF YOURSELF, AND A VERY LOW OPINION OF YOUR WIFE.

Reading the post that started this thread, I pictured you this way:

Like a big ape, pounding his chest and roaring....LOL

Like somehow you are worth more than your wife. that you are more important than your wife. The line that proves that attitude is the "show me where you can make 70 grand doing housework"...blah blah blah.

Now, your are angry with what I just said.

O.K. I am married to a man who USED TO think just like you do.

I picture you as a suit and tie man, getting your hair cut every 3 weeks, coming into your office and having an ego that is stroked and then re-inforced by this superiority complex.

People come on here and start out polite, trying to be politically correct...and then their REAL personality ends up coming through. (just like mine is)

You want a cleaner neater home. You think that your wife should feel the same way, and do what you want, and follow your orders.

I feel sorry for her. I bet she has low self esteem.My H had to fill in for me for 2 months, after that, he told me he was ashamed of himself and his arrogant attitude.
The most important job in the world is being a parent. Loving and being loved. enjoying our lives.

Unless you are personally responsible for world peace, or curing cancer, raising your family and creating a home is more important in the end than your 70 thousand dollar salary.

Get off your throne, and try some EMPATHY.

I apologize for sounding rude. I was trying to more 'loudly' point out that, while you agreed about the communication, you seem unwilling to consider that it may be your beliefs/opinions/actions that are exasperating your wife, and not just the other way around. You point out what she's not doing, and how much you do, and what you expect from her, but it all seems wrapped up in a sense that you...have the right to determine how things shape up in your household because you're the man. I may be completely wrong, but that's how I read it based on the way you write and the comments you have made. I was just trying to say that if that is the case, it may be affecting how your W feels; she may be bristling at your vision of division of authority in your home, and acting out against it in the only way she has any control, since she doesn't work outside the house and has no money of her own.

Our best friends go to a church where the women are not allowed to hold any positions except child care and domestic work. The men absolutely love it; they get to have male bonding all the time, away from the women, as the women have to stay in the kitchen and child care areas when they're not having service. But how do the women feel? For some reason, your marriage reminds me of that. That's all I was trying to point out.

You said that she has had depression in the past, right? Has she been checked lately for it? It's not the kind of thing that comes and goes just once, typically.

And fwiw, I've been with my H for 30 years this year.

So the men that read your post would, what , nod in agreement with you?

You once again are looking for complete strangers to validate your beliefs.

Get some counseling for you and your wife. Spend less time trying to validate your feeligs on a website, and more time validating your marriage. Because that is what counts. Not us. I understand this is a fantastic sounding board, and a good place to obtain different opinions.

I hate the "me tarzan, you jane" POV. You do not see this in yourself. From your wifes perspective, (and this is all from what you have typed) this is how she gets back at you. By ignoring your requests. daily. This issue will not go away.

One of you needs to make the decision to be the first to step up to the plate and facilitate change.

Lets pursue the difference in how woman and men look at this..

When I truely feel loved, respected, and appreciated, my H never has to got to great lengths to get me to:
1. See his "side"

2. Change my behavior to make him happy, or meet him half way and comprise so we BOTH feel like one isn't the loser, and the other the winner. The policy of joint agreement is a very good procedure.

Whats in it for your wife, to digress to you? To change for you?

I agree...the house shouldn't be a mess. I agree that a spouse who does not hold a job outside of the job at home should WANT and be WILLING to handle the larger % of the household responsibilities.

Find out why your W doesn't feel this way. That is the place to start.

Oh boy, I was really pulling for you but this comment is screaming what has she got to complain about she has it good. Yes she doesn't get paid as in an actual paycheck you can touch. A paycheck that shows how much your hard work is worth.

Did you miss what I posted earlier?

Every once in a while I felt unappreciated and I would talk to my husband about this. This is how I explained it to him. He goes to work and get a paycheck (validation). When he does something for his co-workers he gets an atta boy (validation). He does well and gets a yearly raving written review (validation) and a raise (validation) and a bonus (validation). I have no co-works, no boss, no paycheck no review. I just have to know I am doing a good job. Do you see my point? You are the only one that can give her feedback that will truly mean anything to her. If it is mostly negative then why should she bother?

The key here is she just has to know she is doing a good job.

You have no idea how much faith and trust your wife has in you. You want to talk about a leap of faith; she gave up a career trusting that you will follow through on your commitment to her. She trusts that you will not leave her high and dry some day. DH and I talked about this just last year. There was a couple we knew that was getting a divorce. The plan was for her to be a SAHM. He promised her when they moved down here he would get a good paying job, even 2 so that she could stay home with their son. It never happened. She worked part time then full time. It’s a good thing she did because they were here for 3 years when the marriage broke up. She would have had to start all over. I also put all my faith in my husband. My leap of faith has been a good one but in today’s society it is a BIG gamble. Your wife must have a lot of faith in you and that says a lot about the both of you. Do you realize that she is in a submissive role? She has to count on you for the income. I know for me there were times where I felt useless because I didn’t financially contribute to the family.

Thank you mvg. This is the kind of feedback I was hoping to receive here and not a bunch of head nodding that I am right and my wife is wrong. I've followed much of the advice given to me here, but yet most of the others want to paint me as 'Tarzan' which is so not the kind of person I am at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


I'm here to hear all opinions. That's why I'm here. Again, me and my wife have moved past this issue. This morning I made sure and let her know that I noticed and appreciate how she has put more effort into the housework the last couple of days. I know it will come up again as most common issues do in most marriages, but when it does I'll be more prepared and will have better tools to deal with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just a little feedback from a SAHM on this comment. I don't know if you actually said this or are just paraphrasing so this is only if this is actually how you said it.

I would take this as a negative. By saying she is putting more effort it reads she wasn't putting in enough effort before. Instead it would be more helpful to just say "Honey you are doing a great job, thanks for making my life easier."


Also I wanted to say something else. Many years ago when the kids were young my husband gave me a framed picture and poem for mother's day. It is a famous poem.

One hundred years from now

It will not matter what kind of car I drove,

What kind of house I lived in,

How much money I had in my bank account,

Nor what my clothes looked like.

But one hundred years from now

The world may be a little better

Because I was important

In the life of a child.
~Dr. Forest E. Witcraft

(Yes, feel free to take this idea and use it this mother’s day. Put it with a picture of the kids in a frame. She will LOVE it!)

At the time I thought it was a wonderful gift and showed me he appreciated my mothering skills and what I did for the kids. Now with a child in high school that is about to turn 15 I can start to see what impact my mothering had. I am the main caregiver but couldn’t do such a good job without my husband. We are a team.

Yes it is stressful coming home to a messy house. I get frustrated when I can't get things done. I just have to keep reminding myself that my most important job is raising 4 children to make sure they are good, responsible self sufficient adults. Unfortunately you won't know how good of a job you have done until they are adults! When we look back to the early years we don't remember what the house looked like or how much I got done. We remember what the kids did, what we did as a family etc. We have an advantage that some people don't. We have a 5 year old and we realize how fast the other 3 grew up. No sweating the small stuff, they grow up so fast we don't want to miss a thing.

BTW you said something about studying, are you in school? We did that too. When we were where you are now I stayed home, DH worked full time, commuted over an hour each way and went to school 2 nights a week. It was very stressful for both of us but we made it.

As for your wife working on the school yearbook; GREAT! It is also great that you are so supportive. She needs something outside the kids to exercise her brain. SAHM mush brain is sometimes frustrating. You forget things you used to know. Gotta stretch the brain.

Go watch Oprah or something instead of trying to figure me out. You are so off the mark here it's ridiculous. I wear a suit and tie to interviews and funerals. I get my hair cut once every couple of months. I'm a causal, laid back network engineer that is wearing jeans today and an untucked shirt. I'm an average joe. It's entertaining how some of you lonely people get off on attempting to bash someone's character in a public forum when you don't know the first thing about them. I don't have any enemies and if we worked in the same office we would probably get a long great. I love talking to other women at work about these types of issues. I know I have a lot to learn and I'm learning every day which is why I'm here asking questions, but if you're actually trying to be productive and hopefully pass on some words of wisdom in your 30 years of experience to any men that happen to read your post you will be disappointed to know that no man will listen to this kind of tripe.

It doesn't matter how many times I keep saying that my wife and I made up, I sincerely apologized, I'll try harder in the future... it will never be good enough for some of you who just want to do battle. mvg so far is the only one that has paid attention to this fact. The fact that I took the advice from you all and apologized to my wife for my poor communication. But again, it isn't good enough. I honestly think for some of you the only way you will stop attacking me is if I completely and totally agree with every thing said by every woman here. The likelihood of that happening is about the same as you agreeing with everything I've said. Ain't gonna happen.

Thank you catperson. This is the kind of response that will get a positive reaction from a man. You are telling your impression of my situation based on my posts here without being rude. I do also apologize for my comments last night. I became angry and frustrated and did not respond in a very godly way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Neither have I responded in a godly way already this morning to sledbabe. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> As my former pastor used to say, "it's that ooooooold sin nature."

I think I have mentioned several times in this forum how much I appreciate the work my wife does. I've told her countless times how tough her job is and how I would never want to trade with her. That I appreciate that she is sacrificing so we can raise our own children. She thanks me for carrying the burden of being the sole financial provider. We have a very balanced relationship as far as 'power' goes. I'm from Texas and she is from California. We were raised very differently on what roles a husband and wife should have in marriage and it has created a nice balance, although with some challenges along the way.


Ha! My marriage is about as far from that as possible. She is a SAHM and I earn the money, but that's where the similarities end. My wife is a very strong person and has a strong personality. If anyone 'runs' the house it's my wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> As I've said many times here the 'power balance' is extremely equal in our marriage. Neither of us dominate the other.. ever. I think the problem with the negative reactions I've gotten here have to do with the way I write. If you knew me chances are we'd get along great and you'd think me and my wife are doing a great job in our marriage and that we have the right attitude. We have our problems obviously, but are attitude is to NEVER GIVE UP! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


No, but she doesn't seem to be depressed or upset or anything. I'm not sure why everyone thinks she has a problem. The reason she stopped cleaning up recently was due to her being sick, my kids being sick and some crazy deadlines with the yearbook team. The problem was communication. I wasn't really aware of all of this. I mean, I knew, but I didn't appreciate the impact this would have and for how long it would have an impact (over a week).


I'm truly sorry for my rude comment(s) last night. I am an @ss for saying what I said. I'm sure you are a sweet woman with loads of good advice for a young man like myself that has only been married for 6 years. We both got a little fiesty, but hopefully we both have a better idea now where the other is coming from. Again, I do appreciate the time and the heart you put into your comments. This takes a lot of time to do!!!

I can't believe you are letting a little clutter rent all this space in your head...let alone put this kind of stress on a marriage. It's clutter, for goodness sakes, not infidelity or a brain tumor.

Clutter bugs you? Maybe your wife gets off on it...maybe she has better orgasms when she is not getting all bent over a pile of junk mail sitting on the kitchen counter. Who is to say your way is the way to be? If your aversion to clutter on a 1-10 scale is a 9...maybe she has an aversion to your being anal-nit-picky over something as benign to her as junk mail on a desk or counter top and her aversion ranks in at 107!!!

You know, clutter bugs me too and my H is like your wife when it comes to clutter-build up. So what? I find the time to take care it (20 minutes) and I probably work more hours than you do.

All you have to do is say, "Honey this clutter is frustrating me so I am going to deal with it now. Would you make my supper or do one of my other chores while I organize?" You do other chores around the house--just trade one off.

They would nod in EMPATHY with me. Just as you are empathizing with my wife. Just as now I am empathizing with my wife and she is with me after we have discussed this matter.


I am looking for input from anyone that takes the time to read all of what I wrote. Do you really think on a forum like this I expected a bunch of men to respond? I asked for the fellas to jump in, but I correctly predicted this would not be the case. I really wanted to see what other women thought anyway as I'm pretty sure I know how the men think. This forum is clearly the woman's domain and my original intention was to see what other women would say about my situation. Needless to say I was surprised by the hostility by some of you.


You clearly haven't read about anything I've said to my wife about this. You simply focus on the negative and attack. Not very helpful.


Again, you only read what you want to read that fits your agenda of making me into a caveman. My 'requests' for her to do a better job at cleaning the house are maybe every few months if that. Daily? You just don't want to listen and enjoy exaggeration. Like I've said ad nauseam I rarely make 'requests' of her. She makes many, many more requests of me than I do of her. She's not 'getting back at me' like it seems would be your plan. What good would that do? What good would it do if my wife made a request to me and I simply ignore her request to get back at her.. for making a request? This makes no sense as you make no sense.


Wow. How many times do I have to repeat what my wife and I discussed?


So where do you mention how a man looks at this as you said you would pursue? Nada. As usual, the woman's needs come first THEN you'll be agreeable to him and see his side. Notice how you didn't say 'when my husband truly feels loved, respected and appreciated...'

If mama's happy then everyone's happy. There is a reason that phrase rings true and you just demonstrated it.


<sigh> She knew she had been slacking off her agreed upon duties, but I didn't communicate well enough with her to realize how heavy her load was that week. Geez.


This was all I was hoping to see when I originally posted
in this forum. This summarizes exactly how I feel. Most of you tend to agree, but for whatever reason it is not ok for me to feel this way. It's ok for a woman so make this statement, but not for me. <shrug>


She feels this way to a point, but not as much as I would like <gasp>. Just as she doesn't feel I do enough in some areas to her liking. This is normal and we are working through our differences and finding a balance. We are trying to follow the model set by our former paster. She is responsible for the home 100% of the time I'm at work. I'm responsible for my work as a provider 100% of the time I'm at work. We divide the load evenly when I get home. I always put one child down to bed and regularly bathe them at night as well. I play with them as soon as I get home after they finish dinner until it's time to go to bed. He said her responsibility should be to care for the children, prepare dinner and keep the home in order while I'm at work. My responsibility is of course to be a good provider and bring home enough money to keep the home running smoothly. The question is what exactly is meant by 'keeping the home in order'? That is what we have to work out and we are making good progress.

Incorrect. This comment is merely countering your claim that a SAHM doesn't get paid. If you want to twist my true intention to attack me I understand as you have a lot of company here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />



So having someone else pay for all of your worldly needs doesn't? You're saying it means nothing? When me and my wife get in a heated discussion about these types of issues and in anger I say that I pay for everything she quickly quiets me and tells me that she works too and that her work also 'pays' half of everything. And she is absolutely correct. So someone actually disagrees with my wife? First time for everything I suppose.


Actually I did miss that post somehow. It's hard responding to everyone in detail so I apologize for missing this. Yes, I do totally see what you're saying here. I agree with you and just mentioned to my wife this week that I'd do a better job of acknowledging her hard work that she does. I have no disagreements here. However, to stretch this and say this means a SAHM doens't get paid? That is simply not true. Ask my wife. She'll be the first to tell me that although she didn't deposit the check to enable me to pay a bill, she paid for half of that bill through her work in the home and I totally agree. I bet you would feel unappreciated if you thought you did not get paid, although I don't know how you could look around and not realize it. Is your H paying for your food, clothing, shelter and entertainment as a favor to you? It's payment, plain and simple... in my eyes anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



I agree with what you have said here and this puts a lot of pressure on the H to be a good provider. I want to be appreciated and respected for taking on this challenge and not letting my family down. Just as my wife wants to be appreciated and respected for taking on the challenge of being a SAHM. I don't have any argument with this.