[The first thing I would do is write him a proper PLAN B LETTER. This letter is essential becuase the mind of WS is fogged out and mixed up. Waywards report that they read those letters over and over again. A good plan B letter tells him how hurt you are, that you love him, that you are ending all contact with him and the conditions he must meet in order for you consider reconciliation. You lay out 2-3 KEY conditions that he must meet. In your case it will be: a) LEAVE THE JOB and b) end all contact with OW.

I did send the letter (right out of the book) but did not say leave the job. Doesn't that shoot me in the foot? We desperately need his insurance for my medically compromised son. (yes the jerk is leaving me with a son with serious needs)



But remember to expose your husband's affair to the light of day. Don't hide it from anyone, including your children. Transparency is like chemotherapy. Hopefully, there is someone who is talking to your husband about the tragic decisions he's making, and can influence him to change course

All of our friends and family know. Many of told him what a tragic mistake he would make. How in the world do I get the OW mother's name and number?

You will have to make up the list, but I see 3 good opportunities here, the OWH, Human Resources at their worplace, and HER parents. Add any other KEY ppl you can think of


[I would start by sending a letter to the Director of Human Resources l]

On your letter, cc their bosses and a KEY Vice President in the company. It is important they all are informed and each knows about the other so no one is tempted to throw the letter away.

Again...I don't work since I homeschool my child with special needs, he is almost 9. Older brother 11. They have already been through so much....20 surgeries. I need his salary.
:
Thank you so much for your information and thoughtfulness

Do I wait for him to actually decide that he is choosing her over us? Or just assume since he is on the fence that he has?



Kelly

Then put it like this: make changes necessary to stop working at the same place as the OW. He will then have to either find another job or she will have to leave. She may quit when you expose to her H and her parents.

You have to understand that you are sacrificing your marriage to an AFFAIR if he does not leave that job. [or the OW leaves]

What is wrong with your boy?


Check the sources I posted on your other thread. Where is she from? Do you know? I would move HEAVEN AND EARTH to get this information because it will greatly harm any notions your H of integrating into her family. What kind of ppl would welcome a MARRIED MAN who abandoned his WIFE and medically compromised son??


You can stay in Plan B for up to 2 years. If his affair has not ended in 2 years, it probably won't end.

Kelly, this is not about his choices anymore, but YOURS. You have decided on what terms you will condider taking him back. YOU are in control, not him.

It looks like I will need a PI. OW's H is now unlisted. NO idea where her family is. Should I go local or does it matter?

Should I stay in good standing with in-laws? For some reason I am really mad at them.

Have to ask your status <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Kelly

Are you SURE they don't live together NOW?


What do you mean "go local?"


Why are you mad at them?


I am the betrayed spouse and we have been in recovery for 8 years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I actually feel pretty confident about telling my boys tomorrow about our separation. Husband is already out, they think he is on business. He wants to tell them together but I am going with Steve's advice to tell them myself. Husband still in a fog, wants another week to figure out if he wants us or her. Have implemented plan B all week and feel pretty good about it.

Does anyone ever decide who needs him anyhow?

Kelly