How do you know?

Actually, I don't. All I can do is take her word for it, which you probably know, is not that easy.

I would not take her word for anything. If he is still around like you say he is the affair is likely still going on.

Extreme cautions need to be taken. The affair must end for you to have any shot at recovery if that is what you want.

Have you read up on plan A?

All I can do is hope, I work 12hr days so I'm never home. I have to support my son no matter what is going on. She seems sincerely remorseful and willing to learn more about what it has done to me and our family. I did also make it known to just about everyone we know that she had an affair.

Has the affair been exposed?

Affairs thrive on secrecy. Once exposed to the light of day it spoils the fantasy for all.

The day I discovered it , it was exposed.

Ham,

Sorry to say but hope does not work with affairs.

Dr. Harley say a person in an affair is like and addict. I believe this and I'm sure all here do as well.

It is a truly difficult situation that can only be overcome when the proper steps are followed.

It's really weird how 1 minute I'm fine the next I'm almost in a fit of rage. I feel like I'm menstrating.

This is normal. I went through the exact same thing. Take care of yourself and use your support system. You need it.

The first step is to end the affair and establish no contact.

Don't trust her until she has proven herself and don't trust your friend either.

Also, trust your intelligence not your emotions.

She's preparing a letter for me with everything in it, I need closure so I can move on to recovery. I had called her from work while she was typing it and she was almost in histerics, crying and saying it was much harder than she thought. It was easy to do it but it seemed almost impossible to relive it.

You've lived in the SAME apartment complex for 32 years of your life???

It's about time you moved anyway. When is your lease up? What is the cost of breaking the lease early? You really MUST move.


Also you asked if the fact you aren't married was a problem for us. Not really, what you've done or not done is no skin off my back, however, I think it's more a problem for you. If you can you should order up Dr. Harley's book regarding Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. In such book you'll figure out how cheating was bound to happen in your relationship by one of you eventually. There is a difference between cheating and marital adultery. IMO, not all cheaters will become adulterers, however, if you didn't have a child together I'd be advising you strongly to tuck tail and end this relationship. Maybe you are both either "renters" or most likely just "freeloaders" (relationally per the book I mentioned) unable to commit, for whatever the next stupid reason is, to a permanent marital commitment. Fix that in say a year, after working the MB principles and you may have a great relationship as you've have endured and overcome, premarriage, what most of us failed to learn premarriage.

Anyway...I'm glad you posted and the main website has lots of relationship information that you and your fiance can utilize to make an attempt to rebuild your relationship into a fulfilling one of extraordinary care.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Why can't I be happy and smiling like she does. She goes out with her friends and has a great time, I go out and I'm miserable. It's not fair that she can be happy and I cant, it's total BS!!