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Joined: Jun 2002
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I cheated on my fiance in a moment of weakness. Justification. And it was with someone he‘s friends with. With friends like that, who needs enemies. I never cheated before There's always a first time. and am totally not like this. Apparently you are. I was just weak one time. Justification. Does he deserve to know? What do you think? Take your time...(cue Jeopardy music) He would certainly break up with me. Smart man. Or is there any I can forget about it, pretend it didnt happen Ya think? Yeah...pretend your STD that you are about to share with your fiance didn't happen too. and treat it like a one time thing and a learning experience. What have you learned? I was feeling vulnerable and the guy seduced me. Justification. I still feel like a scanc. *edit* I can say on my behalf is that this was just ONE slip up. I doubt it. *edit* It's far from a habit. You disqualify yourself from even predicting this. Your fiance has a friend that screwed his bride to be behind his back. Your fiance has a bride to be that screwed his friend behind his back. *edit* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by crayola_mb; 03/03/08 11:11 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
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i agree with mimi, i think something else is going on here. i think you are getting cold feet about getting married. i think you were down right pissed off at your fiance for not going to your families for xmas. well, you sure showed him didn't you?
you are NOT ready to get married, maturity-wise or emotionally.
tell him, expect the sh*t to hit the fan, expect him to be po'd at his now ex-best friend and learn that you don't get back at your boyfriend by screwing his best friend. no no no.
take a long look at this situation and i think you will find you sabotaged yourself for a reason.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
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This was not a "slipup". It was not a "weak moment". It was not him taking advantage of you.
This was you making a decision to CHEAT.
Anything less is you still cheating.
And as long as you continue to try to rationalize and minimalize what you did, you let yourself off the hook for taking full responsibility for a very very poor immature and damaging decision you consciously made that will hurt your fiancee beyond words.
The ONLY way to redeem yourself is be a stand-up person and admit to the wrong doing.
God Bless,
Jo
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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I've been thinking about this today...
What BZ and his "FRIEND" did was AWFULLY CRUEL...
We're not getting the WHOLE STORY...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 71
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BZ, I cheated on my H with his best friend since childhood. Their mothers were pregnant at the same time. They go back that far. They have known each other their whole 30 years of existance. If I did not come to this board I might have taken that secret to my grave. There was a post by a poster named schoolbus that had a real impact on me. After I read it I realized he deserved to hear the truth from me because he has a right to make decisions about his life with all the facts. I could not play God with his life and decide for him. I am reposting the post by school bus. Brooke,
My husband and my "friend" had an affair.
They decided not to tell me, because they didn't want to hurt me.
They decided they didn't want me to know, and that it would be okay for me to live the rest of my life never knowing their secret.
They decided they would have the affair.
They decided I couldn't handle the truth.
They decided I would be hurt by the truth, and crushed, and might leave my husband.
They decided that they needed to keep it a secret to "protect others".
They decided EVERYTHING.
Who the he// do they think they are?
Because where in there do I get to make the choices for my life?
They treated me like I had no brain. No dignity. No ability to handle the truth of my own life, my own marriage, my own relationship.
[email]B@stards.[/email]
You bet I was angry. I was angry about the LYING.
My husband was pretty much content to LIE to me about our relationship until the day he died.
DO YOU DEFINE THAT AS A LOVING BEHAVIOR?
I sure don't.
DO YOU DEFINE THAT AS RESPECT?
I don't.
I deserved to know the truth about my marriage and my life.
Why?
Because MUCH TO THEIR SURPRISE, the decision
I MADE ABOUT MY OWN LIFE
when they were not involved
was not what they had decided at all.
Because I decided I DID want the marriage to be recovered.
You see, YOU are not even giving him a chance to figure out what HE wants.
You might be very surprised, Brooke.
He might want something very different from what you think he wants. He has already had an affair, and he has learned something - the very same thing YOU JUST LEARNED.
The grass is NOT greener.
Now go tell him. Stop taking his decisions out of his hands. He is a big boy, and he can handle it.
While you might not like what he decides, you actually might end up liking it. You don't know - because he hasn't even been given the chance to decide.
And regarding all the other people who might get hurt? You aren't giving them any credit at all. How much do you want to bet at least one of the two couples have had infidelity in their lives??????? Odds are, they have. They may never tell YOU - but believe me, when they hear this news, it won't be such a huge surprise, Brooke. At least one of them have been there, done that, and have burned the t-shirt.
SB
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,416
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i don't see how i can add much more except to say, i cheated on my fiance while engaged and did not confess.
I'm now 44. I would do anything to turn back the clocks and confess before the marriage. even though that most likely would mean we would not have married. the amount of pain i have caused him now after all these years is just terrible.
i hope perhaps you can learn from my mistake, it's too late for either of us to turn back the hands and not cheat. it's too late for me to turn back the hands and confess before the wedding, but it is not too late for you.
God Bless.
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