Tiger - your attitude permeates your every word

Anger

Are you saying yopur wife is giving you a big FU?

Frustration?

WHat have you done to try and repair the damage?

You do realise your infidelity to your wife is as bad as rape?

What is your plan to recover your marriage?

What do you think MB can offer you?

What do you hope to achieve by being here other than placating your wife? What does she hope you will get here?

What are you hoping people will say to you?

no bigk, i feel like others on here are. MrsW, as for the name calling, i'm sorry, i feel like and idiot because we're not the first married couple she's wrecked, and i listened to her lies instead of my wife's truths about the 'ol pastor's daughter. lol, himbo, haven't heard that one before. so, it's wrong to be p-offed at myself? i'm supposed to accept it? i'm confused

No one here is telling you to FU at all.

You just jumped ahead 3 posts - take a look back abd see if you can reply OK?

Your tone has now changed a lot. Maybe we can work on that now.

You will get a lot of help here. (As well as getting called on your BS)

You should be PO'ed at yourself.

this is kind of scattered isn't it, these posts. We go to councling when we can (a licenced christian woman, a good one), and my wife has explained that affairs are described as worse than as if i were to die. I'm not trying to placate her, i ask her what she wants me to do and i do it. I don't know what people will say to me, i don't have any expectations, i'm just here. i'm broken

How about asking your wife to register and post here as well?

Have you read the infidelity FAQ's?

How do you feel about using MB concepts to re-build your marriage?

Have you done the EN questionaires?

The General Questions II forum is much busier too BTW - in case you would like more responses.

You're starting to sound a bit more reasonable....

As BigK said - no one here is going to tell you to F Off, but you've got to be real. Real with yourself, your wife and everyone on this message board. It's the only way your going to be able to get help.

This site has done amazing things for my marriage. I'm working on some intense personal growth and figuring out how to save the marriage that I've infected, at the same time.

Listen to BigK. From what I hear, he's a smart guy.

look man, i've done the things you've questioned me on. before i even looked at your profile i could tell that unfortunatly you were the one that got burned and i'm sorry. I have a co-worker (male) that i work with every day and spend more time with than i do with my family, and that's simply because it's work, you know, you spend more time at work than you do at home, anyways, he's divorced because he caught his wife having an affair on him twice with 2 different men. the thing i'm trying to say is, i think i need someone who's in my shoes, who's regretful, who's repented, who can give me advice knowing how i feel because all around me all i hear is how the offended person feels and it's not helping because i don't know what it's like, i don't know what it's like to be you, or my wife, or my co-worker/friend, i think i need help from someone who's as broken as i am. I greatly appreciate your help. and as part of my effort in not hiding anything from my wife, i asked her to read all of this and she said she'd take your advice and register and post on here as well. thank you bigk

Tigerripper,

How long have you had these passive aggressive tendencies?

Do you want to fix your broken marriage or do you want to remain defensive until it is too late and your wife has kicked your punk a$$ out?

The victim part that comes through, loud and clear, BTW, is from the attitude you are projecting. You don't need to be Mr Tuff Guy here. Nobody cares anyway. But most of us do care a great deal about marriages in general as well as caring greatly about our own. We don't just hang out here to get our jollies by tormenting the newbies. Many here recovered their marriage and could have left long ago, but wanted to return some of what they learned.

And where, might I ask is your Christ like attitude of humility?

Any way...

Welcome to Marriage Builders. You will find this a no bovine excrement kind of place, but a good one as well to learn how to make your marriage one you and your wife can both be proud of and happy with the rest of your days.

If you haven't done so as of yet, please read the Basic Concepts and perhaps a few of the Q&A columns relating to infidelity.

There are several lives that seem to be hanging in the balance most of the time, at least to those involved, so if your questions don't get answered right away, be patient, some one will be along shortly.

If you get time, perhaps you could read a few threads. We have threads here by the BS (betrayed spouse) as well as the WS (wayward spouse) or in more cases the FWS (former wayward spouse). One of significance as it happens just appeared today, written by a FWW who was pretty much convinced we all owed her something when she got here. Here's the link to make it easy to find. Inside the Wayward Mind

Again, welcome to Marriage Builders.

Mark

MrsW is a great friend of mine and she is a FWS.

LaLa who wrote the thread Mark referred you to - well when she came to MB I kicked her [censored] 6 ways to Sunday and she really turned around. I'm thrilled to be called a friend by both her and her husband.

I love WS's here on MB who have earned the "F" to become FWS's - FORMER WS's.

If you don't think I have anything I can help you with I couldn't care less. Really I couldn't.

This is just laughable to anyone here who knows me.

Badly burned and still smoking.


LOL.

Our marriage fell apart almost 3 years ago now. We're doing really well thanks for asking.

TigerRipper - I'm in your shoes. BigK has a lot to offer though. He's going to tell you things that your wife may not be able to yet. He's going to help you. You need to let him.

Ahem, TR, I have walked in your shoes...Did you read my signature line? The REASON that you are hearing how the BS (Betrayed Spouse) feels is because THAT is what matters...THAT must be where your focus is right now...Your victim (your wife) is lying on the floor bleeding from a fatal wound and you want to talk about your paper cut? NAH UH...Doesn't work that way...

So hitch up your big boy underbritches and get ready to help your wife heal...Ask what you can do for her...Offer up nothing but honesty and transparency...Answer every question she has...more than once if she needs it...

Mrs. W

TR,

When you're ready to read what some FWSs have to say, we'll point you in the right direction. Hope you stick around and learn something, for your own sake and your wife's as well.

G'night all...

Mark

Just a couple comments from a lightweight:

Is there "no contact" in place with your affair partner? I mean, do you and your wife never see her, talk to her, hear about her?

Are you attempting to spend 15 hours a week of quality time with your wife--with no kids with you?

What are her primary emotional needs and are you attempting to meet them?

It takes time to get over an affair. You say your wife has only known of it for 10 months. This is somewhat early in the process. After a couple of years, maybe she will begin to feel a little bit of normalcy.

Tigger,
The reason you are receiving an eye-opening welcome here is due to perception. You may be angry at yourself and truly remorseful, but your posts come across as distinctly hostile and indignant that your wife asked you to post here. Your statements to the contrary are lost when the attitude remains. Furthermore you reference the other woman as a ****** and say yours is the second marriage she has wrecked, as if you had no part in it. OW didn't force you to have an affair, you chose it, and the sooner you actually own up to that the sooner your wife can begin to heal.

And another thing, it is EXTREMELY disrespectful for you tell Betrayed Spouses that their comments are unwelcome because they have not experienced what you have. That you are broken and need someone else that is broken to truly relate to you. As if the pain of the wayward is in any sense, comparable, to the pain of the betrayed. Just remember one thing, you chose to be where you are today, but you forced that upon your wife.

If you really want help, you will get it here, but you have to approach this with at least a little humility.

Oh and the last thing. Reasons for the affair are not justifications for it. Reasons are impartial. In order to affect your personal recovery and your wife's recovery, you will need to examine the reasons you had an affair. How did you fail to protect your personal boundaries that allowed you to cross that line with your wife's ex-BF? What will you do to police your own behavior in the future? These questions are not easy to answer honestly, because most people don't want to look at themselves in a critical or harsh light. Whether or not you are willing to examine yourself without the rose-colored glasses will go a long way to helping your wife trust you again.

How are you going to heal if you don't understand the full impact of what you have done to your wife?

How are you going to understand if you don't seek out the perspectives of those of us who have received the same grievous wound that she has, walked through the fire, and are now in happy, recovered marriages?

Maybe you will just have to take on faith that learning everything you can about your wife's pain - and how to heal it - is far more critical to your marital recovery, than learning about your own.

Post deleted by jmwc95