Rok, look for any opportunity to engage her in a PLEASANT, attractive way without being annoying. By all means, do not ignore her. She needs to see you as an ATTRACTIVE alternative as her affair crumbles.

Hello,

I just finished my session with Steve. It was comforting to know while the situation is difficult, all is not lost. But I need to act NOW!

I need to put my plan A together. Here are some notes:
State that this has been a life changing event for me (it has). My entire belief system has changed.

The pain of the A is the cause to ask her to leave, not my lack of commitment to her.

That she would be happiest with the man her children call dad.

That our relationship could not be the same, but in fact better.

That I will make the commitment.

His concerns are that she is trying to blot me out of her life and her son staying with me and the time the children are spending with me are preventing her from doing that.

Update on the A. He is pushing her to get married. He is trying to be the daughters dad hugs and kisses, asking to do her laundry like I used to, etc.), but she resents him and dislikes him. She has stated to me that there is something wrong with him. He has already been verbally abusive to her twice. WS laughed it off saying he is ex military and that's the way he is. She NEVER would have accepted that kind of language from me. D says she thinks this won't last, but stated if and when that time comes, he will not let it be. She thinks he would follow her and generally make WS life difficult because tht is his personality type.

His son doesn't know this is an A. He is 15 and all he knows is that this is the girl he has been after for years.

He still tm her constantly and shows up at her apartment before she gets home from work.

WS has told her friends we broke up and that she just happened to find him at the time of the breakup!

Something else. She plays bunko with her friends once a month and she didn't go last night. Is there any significance to that?

She asked her son to come over for dinner tnite, but he said he wouldn't go if OM is there. He thinks she is going to "suprise" him with him showing up. Son said he would leave.

Daughter is getting depressed because she is in the apt by herself all the time. WS is there very rarely. WS spends all of her time with OM. The kids and I went bowling last night and have plans to do other things together even though WS won't go.

The only tm WS has sent to me is that she cancelled the lawn service. She has not called.

At this point there is a battle going on. WS seems to want to validate this by getting her kids support, but they are pulling further and further away. The family has also made it clear where they stand. She is not talking with any of them, but that has less meaning. Steve sees the children as the key. If the kids were out of my life, she could move on, but they are not and that is creating tension.

I look forward to all suggestions on how to formulate plan A. Steve thinks time is of the essence!

All,

Here is my first draft.

It has been some time since we last talked and I miss vou very much.

As I stated ina previous letter, I have had an epiphany, a life changing event. My entire belief system has been altered through what has happened. I have prayed, read many books, done research and sought out counselling to help me better understand myself, my relationship with you, what has happened, how that has changed me forever and how I would make you a better spouse in a truly committed relationship.

You have always known how much I love you. While I do not condone what you are doing, I understand it and this has made me look at myself and know that while I thought I was fully committed to you, I in fact had not until 2 years ago. You waited for me to follow up on that commitment and I failed. I realize how I unknowingly have not met your needs. I am partly responsible for creating the environment that made the affair possible. Those are mistakes I have made. I want to meet or your needs and I know how to do this! I know with this epiphany that our lives together could never go back to what it has been in the past, but instead would be better than it ever was before from the revalations I have made.. There is a way to have those feelings again. You can have those feelings for me again. I would like you to join me in that better life.

The kids and I finally have the relationship all of us always wanted. The love we show each other is what we have felt all along but are demonstrating only now. The kids and I want you here to enjoy this love with us. You can! No matter what happens, the kids see me as their dad and I see them as my own kids. The kids I always wanted. The dad they always wanted.

The reason I asked you to leave was not because my feelings had changed. You know how much I love you. The pain and devastation was so intense I thought it would be better to give you the space you asked for. Yet I believe we can still work through this together.

I know we can have a truly committed relationship that is better than either one of us thought was possible with the love of family, the passion, attention and affection you have wanted and deserve.

That's as far as I got. All input is welcome!

Hello All,

I am looking for help in the draft of my plan A. I had a session with Steve Harley Thursday and he gave me some ideas that I listed, but I'm looking for some advice as I don't want to send the wrong signal or have what I say misinterpreted. Draft is in the previous posts.