OK, well, to answer your question...to spy on you, to watch to see what your next move is...you name it. She is pretty far gone, Rock. I wouldn't trust her for a second.

Secondly, you have PLENTY of info (and you know I'm not just talking about the A) to prove that you are the better, more stable parent. She needs to go...for now. You should be planning for an immediate Plan B, but to do this, you have to first see a L and get a custody hearing. MAKE SURE you make copies of her journals, emails and posts on the A support site...and anything else you can get your hands on asap. Your L can also tell you if you are in a "fault" state or not. If you ARE, you can sue him for AOA.

Expose to anyone and everyone that can be helpful to you, including her employer and parents. If she loses her job...oh well. Not your problem.

Seriously, gloves are off on this now, rock. You are fighting a losing battle until you stop the As. If you have lost too much love for her over this most recent incident, then go straight to Plan D. I really don't see much reason to believe she is going to change until you do something drastic.

Your oldest daughter needs to be told in an age appropriate manor what is happening (if she doesn't already know). It is wrong to keep it from her since she probably has a sense that things aren't so great and if she knows anything about what is happening (overheard a fight, whatever) then she deserves the truth. She will most likely want to be with you, and in that case, the youngest will probably follow suit. Fight hard for them Rock...you are their ROCK. She is not fit to be a full-time parent now and you know this...for MANY reasons, not just the As. If it were me, I would not be able to trust them with her for too long.

Sorry if this seems harsh or if you feel I am being hard on you, but--really....how much more can she put you through. You have to stand up, buddy, before she completely takes your legs out from under you!!!!!!!!!

It's just crazy. The original D-Day was Oct 8, 2006. That is when I found out about OM3. I found out about OM1 the same day. A few months later I found out about OM2 and then in Sept of 2007 I found out about OM4.
I defended her working with OM1 here on the boards and I feel like such a fool.
OM1 and I emailed each other now and then. He told me that he was sorry and that he would try to be a positive influence on her and promote her marriage. I thought that was alright. WHat a fool I was.
SHe has seen me suffering for alnost a year and a half and it doesn't seem to bother her in the least.
Well, I could go on and on, but I won't.
Thanks La La

What is your plan? This isn't just a board to vent your frustrations, it is a board to formulate a plan to get your life back. What steps are you taking? You need to be getting ready for plan B (including finding a way to get her out of the house), but also finish some exposing that you didn't do before. When are you going to do these things, and how do you plan on accomplishing them?

Rock...calling yourself a fool doesn't seem to change your present.

How about finding out your whys as to your previous decision...and facing them. You need to do so now, find the false payoff, your reasonings, so you won't make the same choice again. Right now.

LA

Rock,

So sorry to hear of these latest developments. I would say at the very least it's time for a very DARK Plan B or IMHO, probably Plan FU is more in order. Now is the time for you to take back control of your life Rock. First, I would leave out the work exposure. I think you have eluded to the fact that she makes quit a bit of money and you don't want her to lose her income. You have more than enough proof Rock that you could get full custody of you kids after which she would be responsible for child support.

Get a L as soon as possible and start the process. Start working out the logistics of how you will manage your life without her in it. How's your support system? Do you have family and friends you can count on for support to help you rebuild a new life? It's obvious from your posts that your LB is near zero and you need to protect yourself. You can do this Rock. No one here would blame you for making the decision to move on and leave her to her own choices. You've done all you can to try and save your M, Rock. Now it's time to focus on saving YOU. Your girls deserve this Rock. They need you. LaLa and I will be here to help you in any way we can. Take care!

Want2Stay

Thanks for the support.

Rock - I see back in september I urged you to do some exposure. Do all the OM's spouses know about your wife's and their husband's affairs?

Only one OM is married. This is the one that is still involved with her currently.

So did you expose to his wife?

Not yet.

Rock,

You do realize that exposure to OMW MUST be done, correct?

Mrs. W

Rock...I am very, very worried about you. To one who may not be familiar with your story or posts, this may not come through...but I hear a seething...pain beyond belief that scares me. I realize everyone here is in pain, but you have been hurt so many times that I feel you are at an all-time low.

Do not be ashamed that you argued about your wife keeping her job...it is in the past. The here and NOW is what I want to focus on and help you formulate a PLAN to take back your life, your dignity, and your heart. That is what we ALL wish for you, Rock. You are not alone...

(((((Rock)))))

Let us help you NOW!

You are right LaLa. The pain is incredible. I start to think that things are getting better and then she pulls the rug out from under me.
I want to expose this to OMs wife, but I don't want to get her fired. We would probably lose everything. We are in the process of getting our DD13 into a very good expensive high school. I don't want this to jeapordize our home and my daughter's education.
I am just trying to hold everything together until hopefully my WW snaps out of it.
It's amazing how much pain and chaos all this can cause. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Rock, man, look at your sitch, look at what is happening!

You have to at least DO what you need to do to protect your family! All this time and you haven't even given exposure an attempt?! What do you have to lose? You don't want to risk your WW getting fired?! Rock, you should be doing whatever you can to get her fired! While your daughter not going to an expensive High School might not be what you want, I think if you gave her the choice of her parents being happily married or a private school, she'd choose her parents.

And not only that, but you need to also realize that even if that did happen, it wouldn't be because of the exposure. It would be because of your WW's actions.

You are in control of you Rock. You need to stop fearing what might happen, and begin doing what you can do to cause what you want to happen.

Rock...are you kidding me? You haven't exposed this affair to the OM's wife? How cruel is that? Doesn't she have a right to know....or is your daughter going to a certain high school more important to you than values and saving your marriage.
To date, your actions should be held up as an example of what NOT to do when faced with adultery. I know this is tough...but you really need to cange your course f action...what is importat to you Rock?
It really is time to man up.

Rock,

If your WW gets fired and jeopardizes your DD's education, that is HER fault. I guarantee that you won't be able to afford her high schood if you get divorced, which is the path that you are going down right now if you do nothing. This may be the only thing you can do to split up your WW and OM. Why are you afraid to do it? We won't continue to help someone who won't help himself. You are the biggest obstacle to ending your WW's affair. Your WW KNOWS she can walk all over you, and you will do NOTHING. It is time that you stand up to her. She will never change as long as you don't force her hand. Do you want to live like this forever? Why doesn't your daughter know yet? If it does come to your DD not being able to go to that high school, she should know the reason ahead of time, so your WW doesn't get a chance to brainwash her. In fact, I think that you should be focused on saving money for a legal battle that may ensue. Why can't you watch out for yourself? You have the power to change your situation. Why don't you do anything?

[
All I can say is HOLY CRAP!!!!! About the only good this site is for is to learn more about fog-speak. I can't believe these people still refer to their spouses as DH or DW. Their selfishness oozes off those posts. I wonder if any of them have ever been MB'd and if so, if they've gone back to see what they have written there. Completely shameful. I'm going to be sick.

I guess for now I am just the poster-boy for what not to do to end an affair. How I wish that I would have exposed way back when I first found out.
Anyway, that is in the past.
I do feel terrible and this just all feels like a crushing weight on me. I guess I was just hoping that she would have just done the right thing. I guess I was really wrong on that call.
Now I have to deal with my wife working with this POS everyday (again, she says that it its over) and also deal with knowing that I am withholding this from the Oms wife.
I know that I would be upset if someone knew about my wife having an affair and never told me.
I haven’t even told the OM anything.
I know, I suck.

no one here can help you RS. You obviously don't have any desire for this affair to end...it allows you to feel bad and you seem to get some perverse pay off from that. Any man that is willing to sit by and not lift a finger while his wife screws around really needs to do a gonads check.

When you are serious about wanting this to change...let us know.

Ok then, thanks for trying everyone. It's been one he** of a ride. Good luck to the rest of you.