Ugh, having had a D-Day a week ago Saturday I feel for his wife and family. It was almost too much to watch/listen to on the news, especially with CNN going on and on about it.

Quote:
“You’re saying the women should feel guilty that they somehow drove the man to cheat?” asked TODAY co-host Meredith Vieira.

“The cheating was his decision to repair what’s damaged and to feed himself where he’s starving,” Schlessinger replied. “But, yes, I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”



Maybe, for me, it is Dr. Laura's approach that makes me bristly.
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DR. Laura's approach leaves me feeling bristly too.
I believe that if we can get to the nitty gritty, Dr.Laura, Dr.Harley and most of us agree.......but, I do have issues w/ the way Dr. L approaches the subject.....I often think she makes men out to sound like a bunch of stupid ogres in desperate need of constant ego stroking.....often thru sex.
I also interpret her as trying to empower women to manipulate these stupid men to get their needs met.........now, when all is said and done, it's not that different than MB plan... minus radical honesty. I think Dr.Harley presents his opinion with more integrity.

Schlessinger, by emphasizing the BS's potential mistakes while making token statements about individual responsibility, really does deserve the criticism she attracts, though obviously knee-jerk reactions from the likes of Viera are typical lightweight mainstream media jibber-jabber. I doubt she'd have had the same reaction if the perpetrator was a female.

This whole courtroom's out of order!

I LIKE DR. LAURA..I think she's trying to HELP women to WAKE UP and LISTEN..

Of course, MEN need to be held responsible..but have you looked around when you go shopping?

There's lots of WIVES that EVIDENTLY aren't CARING for THEMSELVES, becoming JUST MOMMIES, putting their marriages in JEOPARDY.

I get ticked off by HUSBANDS..with their wives..actually STARING at me in my FABULOCITY...like I'm from HOLLYWOOD or something..YUCK..and I just simply got up and dressed rather than wearing my SWEATS in public...

I wanna say.."WOMAN, WAKE UP or you MAY end up like I did"..maybe that's where Dr. Laura is coming from...

I get on my soapbox lots of times..when women tell me they don't cook or don't pay attention to their husbands...

I think the part Dr. Laura leaves out is that it is HIS responsibility to tell his wife if he is "starving".and to communicate with her..rather than resorting to cheating...She does say it is his decision to cheat..so I agree with that part. I think we all agree that both spouses are equally responsible for the state of the marriage..but Dr. Laura's quote doesn't really emphasize that..Personally, I don't like to characterize men as being helpless creatures who have only one option (to cheat) if needs aren't being met...but unfortunately lots WS's justify their cheating that way.

And as Dr. Harley states in his video, we have to FACE the REALITY that INFIDELITY is RAMPANT in this society and so many folks want to live in DENIAL of it.

This is a pet peeve of mine because so many women in my community began looking at me with PITY, as if I should be ASHAMED, my H a well-known politician and businessman, doing this to me..folks thinking we were the PERFECT COUPLE.

Many of their HUSBANDS probably did the same thing or worse and they try to hold themselves up as HOLIER THAN THOU...

Today WE are HAPPIER than ever before and many of them SEEM unhappy..

I PRIDE MYSELF on working on making the NECESSARY CHANGES to make myself the BEST WIFE EVER and I ADMIRE my H's remarkable ability to rise above this and RECLAIM his life, honor and respectability again...he's been looking at the newscasts with tears in his eyes...

Sorry about the rant...

Ah, but you see, Mimi, in general, I never let myself GO after I got married and after having my son. If anything, I worked harder, because I was aging and NEEDED to work out to stay in shape. I also tried to look nice, and BE nice and cook and clean.

My weight gain occurred after Dday#1; a very stressful time. MY problem was doing TOO MUCH; not asking for my husband to open the pickle jar, so he feels manly, or helping our with the daily care of our son, or doing the dishes or a myriad of other things that he could have been asked to do. I believe he felt like I didn't need him, or didn't value him.

In this particular case though, with Spitzer, he solicited a prostitute. This is a well thought out infidelity. It's not a hundred little choices that lead him to a grave mistake. NOPE. He wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol (so far as we know), and it wasn't a typical one night stand. THis was a calculated move by this man. I don't know WHAT his wife could have done to fend THAT off.

In this situation, I just thought Dr. Laura may have overstepped.

I don't think anybody disagrees with Dr. Laura Schlessinger's assessment that we, as wives, need to care for our hubands in ways that make him feel good. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that he statment, while maybe well-intentioned, was not necessarily appropriate in regards to this sitch.

For me, it's all in the delivery, and Dr. Laura could stand to learn a bit more tact. You don't have to be brutal to get your point across. I don't think I've ever heard Dr. Harley speak in the same manner. He's very even keeled in his delivery. It never sounds like he's blaming anybody, just putting responsiblity with each party, where it lies.
Dr. Harley addresses BOTH sides of the marriage. Dr. Laura was being SPECIFIC to WIVES.

I'm certainly not taking up for the Governor, SL.

I'm just trying to make a General Point.

Unlike you, I DID LET MYSELF GO..so good for you..and it's not just looks..it's NOT making your HUSBAND #1 in your life...

My H started his affair by using the OW like a prostitute..probably got off cheap by buying her a bottle of liquor..what she liked..and taking her to a nice hotel..a young girl from the ghetto..OH, Well..He was HAVING FUN..and got hooked into her...

It was the COWARDLY WAY out for him..he was out having THRILLS...escaping his life..he wasn't planning on divorcing me..or falling for her...

As far as I'm concerned, the OW, in MY situation, began as a CHEAP HO...

What's that movie with Richard Gere and the the HO..I can't think of it right now..It was their FAVORITE... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Pretty Woman

Dr. Laura has a GREAT BOOK about the STUPID THINGS MEN DO to MESS UP THEIR LIVES...my H read it and liked it...

OK...I admit it..I'm a Dr. Laura fan... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yep..that's it PRETTY WOMAN..I ABSOLUTELY HATE, HATE, HATE THAT MOVIE, now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I think each person reaches a certain type of person with their message. I like a more direct person. I have read some criticisms of the Harley's approach for not being hard enough on the WS. I don't agree...but I understand Sclessinger's approach and respect that type of approach as it reaches some people. I just happen to have a problem with some of her views on this topic.

MEDC,

I see what you are saying. I guess Dr. Laura is just not my cup O tea. I have always disliked how she approaches women, wives. She SEEMS on the attack. I, personally, don't need to be smacked upside the head to hear a message. I don't respond well to it. When I can get past her approach, she has a lot of valuable information to offer.

In the numerous clips the news stations keep running of her, Eliot Spitzer's wife looked young, vibrant, beautiful and very much in love with her husband.

Yesterday she looked old and dead.

This had NOTHING to do with her, and everything to do with his selfishness and entitlement.

Dr. Laura actually shocked the other two psychologists on the stage when she began prattling on about how wives who don't take care of their husbands run the risk of "making" them cheat.

Yeah, we all know about unmet emotional needs, but you've got to be extremely careful about rolling that one out because so many will immediately jump on it as a way to blame the BS and give the WS a righteous excuse.

In the face of this particular situation, Dr. Laura's comment was very cruel and just heaped insult upon injury. It seemed calculated to advertise her "Care and Feeding of Husbands" book as much as anything else. Did she even bother to learn *anything* about the woman she was criticizing so harshly?
Mulan

Mulan, that was part of my point, she picked a terrible time to say the things she did. It did seem cruel to me; it's also in HOW she says things. It's that old saying, it's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.

That's what jumped out at me too. Oh, and also seeing their three smiling daughters, and what appeared to be his elderly parents, at his inaguration... I can only imagine how they all must feel today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

This had NOTHING to do with her, and everything to do with his selfishness and entitlement.

Dr. Laura actually shocked the other two psychologists on the stage when she began prattling on about how wives who don't take care of their husbands run the risk of "making" them cheat.

Yeah, we all know about unmet emotional needs, but you've got to be extremely careful about rolling that one out because so many will immediately jump on it as a way to blame the BS and give the WS a righteous excuse.

In the face of this particular situation, Dr. Laura's comment was very cruel and just heaped insult upon injury. It seemed calculated to advertise her "Care and Feeding of Husbands" book as much as anything else. Did she even bother to learn *anything* about the woman she was criticizing so harshly?
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I perceived it the same way, Mulan.

Spritzers W was not a woman who had let herself go..
HE reeks of entitlement and sleaziness IMO....and Dr.Laura was just shooting her mouth off like every situation is the same....the W isn't making the H feel special enough.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
The times when I was making my H feel X-tra special were the times that he felt bold enough to engage w/ OW and strippers and hookers. Some people can not get enough of that high.

I LIKE DR. LAURA..I think she's trying to HELP women to WAKE UP and LISTEN..

Of course, MEN need to be held responsible..but have you looked around when you go shopping?

There's lots of WIVES that EVIDENTLY aren't CARING for THEMSELVES, becoming JUST MOMMIES, putting their marriages in JEOPARDY.
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This is a good example of how different approaches will help different people.
When I go shopping and look around, I never noticed the slovenly types......I noticed the well kept hotties in expensive designer clothes or the perfect "Talbots" moms who appeared to have everything under control and never a hair out of place........so, if it is Dr.Laura's intention to wake up the slovenly mommies.......no wonder she didn't reach me.

Ahh..that would be me..'cept I don't shop at Talbot's..too conservative for me...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />