I am glad you are okay and back Jerry. There are a lot of hands here reaching to help you from "the pit" just as you have helped so many others.

Jerry,

I don't think I've ever posted to you, but I want you to know that I've been very concerned, along with many posters here, and am so glad to see you have returned. You've taken a big hit. I may not be of help, as I'm in the pits, struggling with my own sitch, but there are many here who will gladly help you with this new info and recovery, if you so choose.

Good to see you back and safe.

Thanks MEDC and MF,

I am better today, but how could I not be, considering the entire meltdown I had yesterday.

MEDC, having been a former Pharm rep, did you try to convince your Dr's that these pills had no lasting effects? Too many DR's simply take the word of the pharm rep, but they are told what to say by the Pharm they represent, are they not?

I don't imply that this is what you did, but so many are out to make the sale and commission, not to put the patient's best interest in their mantra.

I just feel it's time to tell all the implications and addictions that go along with the advocacy of AD's. Too many doctors are handing them out like aspirin, without any follow up treatment as to what effects they are really having on their patients. I agree, the only one qualified to give out an AD is a phycologist, with follow up treament frequently. JMHO.

All blessings,
Jerry

Jerry,

Thank u so much for coming back. I am very thankful u are ok. I also have not interacted with you however I have admired how you have helped others.

I am so sorry you are going through this pain and especially 5 ½ years later. My prayers will continue for you.

You spoke about not bringing hope to these boards through your posting yesterday. I however want to give you a different perspective. Your posting brought several people to your post who came together in prayer and concern for you in a very dark time for you. Through those prayers, encouragement and help you have come back and now explained what happened and what you are doing to make it through this time. We see God’s protection over you during an incredibly difficult time. If you had not chosen to share and be vulnerable to us on this board than we would not have known or seen how God is continuing to work in your life. You will make it through this time, even though the pain may be far more than what it was on discovery you will make it through. I believe God is using you.

One reason I believe that is because of some of your recent statements. You said



I have been feeling this way for almost eight years now. I have had to work very hard on not feeling like I’m crazy and to let it go. Just when I get there I get some other piece to the puzzle that points towards more than I know, more than I’ve been told. Recently I’ve been praying “What would u have me do with this information God,” “What now.” It has been a really difficult week and then your post comes today about what has happened. I am truly sorry that more has come to light.



I just want to Thank you for sharing as you have given me HOPE that I am not crazy and that maybe someday my square puzzle pieces will turn into the round puzzle pieces to fit into the puzzle and make a complete picture.

I am truly sorry you are hurting so. Please know that through your hurt and pain you have actually helped someone else.

no, they are not told what to say by the drug rep. The doctor is passing the buck.

bls,
thank you so much for your post. you have found a very unique way to put all of this in perspective.

God bless your efforts and your introspective of how God's love works in out life.

I will pray for your recovery!''

All Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry

I have never posted to you before myself althought Ive read many of your postings over the past 2 years. I saw your thread and Ive been praying for you as well. I am so glad to hear from you.

What a horrible trial you have endured. I feel for you as someone from the trenches. I imagine it feels like a worse version of D-Day all over again.

Id like to caution you, if I may. PLEASE be very careful with benzodiazepenes ( Xanax, Ativan,Valium etc..) They are HORRIBLY addictive. I myself became addicted after a very short time and at below prescribed dosage so please make sure your doc has a plan to triate off of them. Do NOT try to quit these cold turkey either, get a plan with your doc if you are on them for longer than a few weeks.

Hang in there. May you find peace.

Xanax is fine so long as they are not taken long term and only PRN. Otherwise, yes, they are horribly addictive.

Glad you are OK Jerry and glad you finally have the whole truth.

What are you going to do now?

Hi Jerry,

I was really glad and relieved to see that you are back. I can certainly identify with and understand how you must feel, getting new information after being in recovery for so long.

I know that most folks here believe, and I do too, that complete honesty from the WS is necessary to really recover the marriage.

I am also pretty sure that I never got the complete truth from my FWH. In truth, I honestly believe that he will never tell me anything about his adventures in infidelity prior to his EA/PA in 2003. I have absolutely no way of knowing just how low he sunk and I also know that he will never, ever tell me.

Sadly, I long ago came to accept that and we were able to recover in spite of it.

But ... I also believe that a part of my FWH will always live in fear. A fear that he will take to his own grave.

Again, this is probably contrary to MB principles, but at this point, I no longer want to hear any more about his past betrayal. Telling me now, after all this time might ease his fear, but it would crush my spirit and bring back all of the terrible pain from long ago.

It might be selfish or even cowardly, but I don't think that I would benefit in any way from it at this point.

Who

Just a quick note to all of you blessed folks who responded to obnoxious post, about 11 days, ago.

I thank each and every one of you for the prayers and thoughtfullness of each of your replies. I mean that from the bottom of my heart!

I wish I had the time to reply to each of you for your encouragement.

For the record, I am OK, due in large part to your response to me. Once again, we persevere, don't we? How do I begin to thank you all?

The coincidental down time of this forum was a good thing for me, in that, it gave me time to reflect. It was also a good thing for Easter to just have happened in between. Coincidence, ahh,,, I don't think so. Thus, I felt HIS message of forgiveness and love, more than ever this year. It has put an exclamation point on what needed to happen in my life, and I feel like I see more clearly now, than ever before. Sometimes, God has to put us on our knees, before we truly "get it."

BK, you asked: "What will you do now?" I think my "doing" is done. I will continue to seek a better understanding of exactly how much God loves us all. How He is willing to let us suffer a little, if it increases our understanding of HIS undying faith and love for each and every one of us.

Someone once said to me, "If God had a refridgerator, your picture would be on it."

Bless you all,

Jerry