*grin*

I think this is the best we can realistically hope for.

I'm about to wade back into financial negotiations and preparing myself to be triggered. It's so much more peaceful when there is no contact.

Hang in there, CL. You're doing really well.

What is trending up?

lol Queenie. I sound like a stock rather than a human. I simply meant that over time, I'm more up than down. Make sense? I'm having more and more good days, and the downs aren't as far down as they used to be. They're shorter too - I'm not down as long.

Maybe I've just given up hope, or maybe I've just given up on giving a rat's butt, I dunno. This is getting so ugly that I don't know how recovery can even be possible.

SD,

You are soooo right. It is more peaceful when there is no contact, or even just no word at all. Even hearing his name causes a reaction. I don't even want to hear my DD talk about him at all. I'd prefer to pretend that he doesn't exist anymore. That's pretty sad, huh??

Sad, yes, but also typical, I think. Part of the process.

You may find that you want nothing to do with him regardless of his decisions, but it's more likely that you are preserving what love you have left so that you can call upon it if you need it.

At the same time, you are beginning to live your life again. Yours will get better. I promise.

(((CL)))

Well, one month after the heart attack diversion thread, I decided to get back to the original Plan B/D thread.

Crisis Thread

Anyway, I guess the ruckus over that has gone away. WH went back out where OP lives to do his therapy. He keeps telling DD that he isn't with her, but I don't believe a word of it. They're "just friends" - WHY do they continue to lie????

I'm trying to come to terms with all of this. Last week it hit me that the M is really over and I probably will be in an eternal Plan B.

Believer, if you are out there please give me some words of encouragement that life can go on when you are staring retirement in the face. Most of the retirement money will disappear during the D process, and much debt will be left. How did you deal with all of it? Any words of wisdom will be appreciated.

OK, I give. Can someone tell me how to link my other thread. thought I could figure it out, but it wasn't as intuitive as I thought.

Thanks...

Open a reply box here. Then open your other thread in a new window or tab. type the string [ url= without the space I had to insert to keep this from becoming a link. Then copy and paste the url (address) of your other thread (page 1 might be a good starting point) and the type ] followed by a short title and then [ followed by the switch /url and ]. It is harder to explain without turning into a link that you might think.

Anyway, when you post it, the only thing that should show up will be the title you gave the link. Do a preview first to make sure it works.

To avoid making this a link, the string is:
[
url=
the url you want to link to(This is the address of your other thread)
]
Your Title for the link
[
/
url
]

Clear as mud?

Edited to change colors. Type the yellow characters with no spaces. Paste the url (the darker blue) Type the yellow ], add your title (lighter blue) and close it out by typing the yellow characters at the end.



Mark

Thanks Mark. Once you explained it I did a "slap on forehead with duh" thing....

Mark,

If you catch this thread, can you check to see what I did wrong. It's probably easy, but I can't get it to work.

Thanks

CL,

After the first bracket [ type this: url= and then without a space, leave the http: etc...yada, yada, yada...

Then after the =1 at the end of the first url, add the right bracket ].

Then with no spaces, after the title "Crisis Thread" add the left bracket again followed by / and url and the right bracket. Delete what is left.

The left and right brackets [ & ] indicate a command string that will be executed rather than being printed on the page. The same structure is used for other commands as well. "i" in brackets says to make the text Italics and "b" says to make it bold etc.

The brackets with the / inside at the end, says to end the command "___" So /b means end bold. /color means to end the color change etc. So in the linking stuff, /url means simply end of url I want linked. The opening pieces or [ and url= means this is my url I want linked. The bracket closes it and then allows you to add your title before ending the whole thing.

There are websites that make a living by shortening links to simple phrases for a fee. But here all we have to do is use the right code.

Now, if you want the coward's way out. Click on the link button at the upper left of the replay box. Paste the link from where you want to link to into the first pop-up box and type your title into the second.

Be sure you only have one "http://" in the url in the first box or it isn't gonna work that way either.

Do you have my email? If so, send me an email with your email addy and I'll send you the phrase so you can copy and paste it to a post.

Mark

Hey Mark!

Thanks!! I'm embarrassed to say that I used to be a programmer (don't let it get around though).

I got it!!

I have a great book recommendation for you. I thought about it when reading about your WORRY about your finances. It is one of my favorite books. HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING by DALE CARNEGIE.

Enjoy each NEW DAY to the fullest, Chai. Try not to WORRY about the FUTURE. THE FUTURE is not promised for any of us. Who knows we ALL might be in debt?

You will be BLESSED!!

CL,
The link even works!

Ms Mimi,
Glad you're doing better today.

Mark

Thanks Mimi, I'll get the book.

The financial impact of this at my age (53) is causing me much stress. Not so long ago we were planning retirement, had a pretty nice start on a nest egg, looking at a smaller house, etc. Now POOF, it's disappearing right before my eyes.

Hard to come to terms with.....

As I start my 10th month in Plan B, I thought it appropriate to update my thread. I seem to have a need to update everytime I click another month on the PlanB-o-meter. Silly me.

I'm trying to come to terms with this new dimension that I seem to have entered. I posted previously about how the reality of all of this hit me hard. Well, it kind of threw me into this "I don't know now if I even want to recover" phase, aka the "I may not be able to ever get over this" phase.

It's not the A that I can't get over, but the deception and evilness of it all. Just the fact that WH went to a different city, passed himself off as divorced, and moved in with OW. All behind my back. All while I'm at home managing our busy lives, and all while telling me everything is hunky-dorey. What kind of person does that? THAT is what I've realized I may never be able to get over.

OK, so where to go from here? Jennifer told me to give it a year, which I will, but the finality is starting to click now. I know he won't be back, and I know I will not want to wait beyond that anyway. Heck, I've really been alone now for almost 4 years, and I feel like I need to get out of this mess and move to the next phase of my life, whatever that is.

I've been going out with friends and doing things, but I just can't get it to feel "right" if you know what I mean. I always feel like I don't belong wherever I go. I usually can't wait to get home, back to my condo, back to my "safe place." I guess that I just feel at peace here for some reason. Maybe this place doesn't have the triggers that my house had, although I don't need physical things to trigger me. Pictures in my head trigger me just fine, thank you very much. Don't know that those will ever go away. Sometimes I wish that I could just remove that part of my brain that keeps rolling the film.

Nothing new on the D front. I have asked for proof of the money that WH gave OW, but he has not submitted it yet. Dragging his feet on it. Imagine that....

Anyway, onward in trying to figure out where my life is headed at this age. I had an offer for a date, but I won't do that until the D is final. Not sure even then. Does it even make sense after being M for so long? Right now I can't even entertain the thought of another relationship. It doesn't feel "right" when I think about it.

I feel this way, too. All of the lying, making me into some kind of monster I wasn't to justify their A; I think that's really what killed a lot of the love I still had for Mr. Gray.


Yeah, that's the tough part, the starting over. I'm not afraid anymore, life has become an adventure each day. As for dating? Oy! Fugheddaboutit!! It's a jungle out there! I thought I'd take my ring off when the D is final but I'm having second thoughts about doing that. I may leave it on just for protection!

Charlotte,

Thanks for stopping by. Yes, the lying is perplexing. I guess it's part of the "fun" - seeing how much they can get away with. Pretty sick huh?

And you are right about it being a jungle out there. We all have our baggage to tote along with us. Guess that's the reason most 2nd, 3rd etc. marriages fail - the suitcases just can't hold all of the junk.

LMAO!!

I used to feel the EXACT same way... like I didn't know how to be in the world without my husband.

How else could it be for you/us, having been with someone most of our lives?

I think it's GREAT that you are finding safety and solace in your condo..

I think that's where and when you are HEALING..

It will take TIME to HEAL that WOUND..

10 months is not long enough..

(((CHAI)))