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Re: I'm the WS and lied to "protect him"
MrsZonie #2038088 04/04/08 02:14 PM
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
J
Just Learning Offline
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Just Learning
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J Offline
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
Mrs Z,

You are naked and you should stay that way. Get comfortable with being naked in front of him, embrace it, enjoy it.

Congratulations to you and Mr. Z. You have take the first and often the hardest step. Keep going but do it naked, then the fantasies won't bother you. Be honest with the man, and remember he will need your help and guidance as well. Let him guide you, and you guide him.

God Bless,

JL
Re: I'm the WS and lied to "protect him"
Just Learning #2038131 04/04/08 03:20 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496
M
MicheleG Offline
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MicheleG
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M Offline
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Posts: 1,496
Good to hear!!! A little advice:

Be transparent.

Answer questions honestly.

NC for life.

Allow him the 2+ years to recover.

Be understanding. He will "get over it" on his timeline, not yours.

He will trigger, help him through them.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

It is harder than you think it will be. When the going gets rough don't run from eachother, run towards eachother.



Learn MB inside and out. Read, read, read. Post, post, post.

God bless.

BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
Re: I'm the WS and lied to "protect him"
MrsZonie #2038285 04/05/08 07:03 AM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
F
ForeverHers Offline
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ForeverHers
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F Offline
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
Zonie - just a quick note to pick up on something you said earlier and not to throw "cold water" on your reunion:

IF you have admitted that alcohol is, has been, a problem for each of you, then make this reunion the beginning of a whole new life together without infidelity AND without any alcohol, swear them both off for the rest of your lives. The temptations are too great and the excuses replete. Remove the sources of potential temptation and "affair proof" your marriage.

God bless.
Re: I'm the WS and lied to "protect him"
MrsZonie #2038287 04/05/08 07:15 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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medc Offline
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medc
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Quote
my dh and I are both alcoholics and we don't have a chance of rebuilding until we address that.

I agree with your therapist 100%. IMHO, you and your H should NOT be living under the same roof until you BOTH have your addictions under control.

Also, you mentioned that you have several addictions that help you escape reality. What are they?

Honestly, two alcoholics dealing with recovery from both their addictions and infidelity is too much to handle at once. You should be apart and getting professional help before trying to recover your marriage.

Your therapist sounds like a bright woman and you should pay attention to what she has said. When you have your addictions under control, I would suggest a call to the Harley's....but not until you have them under control.
Re: I'm the WS and lied to "protect him"
Just Learning #2038288 04/05/08 07:18 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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medc Offline
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medc
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Quote
Congratulations to you and Mr. Z. You have take the first and often the hardest step.

There is no need for congratulations yet. This couple is in a more precarious position living under the same roof. All the thoughts and advice about him coming home are destructive and not in this couples best interest.

Quote
Let him guide you, and you guide him.

I would say that having one addict guide another is a recipe for disaster.
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