Have you read the book "Surviving An Affair" by Willard Harley? Have you read the basic concepts on this site? Are you filling your H's top 5 ENs? What about MC? Why not spend the money you would spend on a D and call Steve Harley for phone counseling?

BTW, plan A is not about sucking it up. You identify and make permanent the changes in you that contributed to the break down of the M. (the A is not your fault btw). You identify your H's top emotional needs and fill them as best as you can. You be the best YOU that you can be. You do not become a doormat. You acknowledge his actions hurt you without angry outbursts or disrepectful judgements. You stop love busting. You make home a warm, pleasant place to be.

On top of that you need to verify that the A is really over. Are you certain contact is only once per month? He should be showing signs of withdrawl if that were the case.

Thanks Faithful.

I ordered SAA. I have read the info on the site and postings. I am having a difficult time staying positive. I feel like I am doing all the work to make things pleasant when I am hurting so much. He doesn't seem to notice. When I ask questions I usually get "I don't know." This was typical before. MC says he needs to see an IC to work on his feelings. He has not done this either. Issues with procrastination and dealing with unpleasant things. No answer as to what his needs are and why the affair. I have asked him to fill out EN questions. Resistant. We are at a stand still. He wants me to wait in the wings while he gets over OW. I would like to hear from people who have done this. How do you get through it? Don't you feel exhausted, frustrated, and worthless? I feel this now. We have talked about seperating. He doesn't want it but doesn't want to actively work on marriage either. Says he is trying but I see nothing different. He agreed that nothing has changed in the past 3 1/2 months. I feel that I am at wits end. HELP!!

He's not going to get over her while he is still actively seeing her.

Every week at that class all his feelings are brought to the surface.

Not to mention that if he has phone cards they are probably still talking -- just being sneakier.

Soon you will need to take the candy away. Right now you meet a whole selection of his needs, and she meets a select few. But he is craving those. Make her meet them ALL. Take yourself out of the equation by Plan B.

Write him a letter. You love him and want this to work, but have to remove yourself from the constant pain. When he is ready to recommit to the marriage and end the relationship with her forever, then he can let you know.

And then make definite plans to be completely separate from him. No sight....no sound....SILENCE.

I posted to you earlier.

Even though my FWH agreed to end his EA and work on our M, he acted the same as your WH each time he saw OW at work: indifferent, cold. Then it would start to wear off...then he would see her and it would be the exact same cycle all over again.

I fully buy into the theory that an A is the exact same thing as any other addiction. Your husband has agreed to give up the drug but then he is still taking hits off the crack pipe so he never gets through withdrawal. The affair (addiction) continues.

Do you really think you can endure four more months of this? For myself, I did it for 3 weeks... Four months? I am certain it would have depleted my H's Love Bank acct...at the very least it would have done a number on my emotional health.

I agree with what Lexxy is saying about Plan B.
Read this by Dr. Harley:

The thought of the pain you will be enduring if you continue on this way makes me hurt for you! Please take care of yourself.