Hey ladies, I'm right there in the lot with you! I think part of that IS being WOMAN and having that internal mothering instinct...

I think it's compassion that we are feeling sometimes...I have great compassion, but I have to remind myself just because I feel for someone doesn't give me the right to enable... and helping them out with the smallest things, even if it benefits our kids I believe is enabling!
Rin

Amen. We do have that need to step in and take care of things, don't we? Goes with being a mother I guess. And probably all of the years that we did take care of our WH's. Old habits are hard to break. I find myself wondering if WH is able to balance his own checkbook, wash his own clothes etc. and then I have to remind myself not to give a rat's butt.

Rin-
I hear you! That is what I meant by now I know WHEN to stop helping... it is not doing him any good to 'fix' his problems.

CL-
I know. I took care of everything for my EXH. I paid the bills, got his finances in order (they were a mess when we got together)... it goes on and on. Did I have a problem with it? No. Because he used to take care of my needs.

I still know that he is terrible at his finances, and I still feel compelled to offer suggestions on how he could help himself out. But, he does not WANT to learn, he just wants to have someone take care of it for him. And that person is no longer me!

lol Sadmo. Sounds similar to us. He was the Mr. Fixit and I did everything else. Everything. For years, he wanted nothing to do with anything administrative. I did all of the banking, purchasing, bill paying, financing, refinancing, investing, taxes, you name it. He gave me his paycheck and I made all the decisions. I became overwhelmed with it once, so made him do it and we ended up with late bills etc.

So now that he has his ho who has been bankrupt a few times and gambles all of her money away, he is demanding through his atty an accounting of all of our money etc. He tried to claim that he didn't know we had a second mortgage and a mutual fund that I cashed. It ticks me off because he is now treating it like I'm some kind of thief. He told my DD that I was "shysty." Trust me, had I known this was going to happen, I would have been "shysty" and hidden money somewhere.