Todays thought is from the song I took my username from:

"Days up and down they come
like rain on a conga drum
Forget most, remember some
but don't turn none away.

To live's to fly, low and high
So shake the dust off of your wings
and the sleep out of your eyes."

The lyrics to this song take on new meaning to me all the time. They shot straight home this morning.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Lots of women would be perfectly happy to be married to a good dad. Some believe being a good dad is the same as being a good husband.

I say this and understand how you feel, though. I was a very involved dad and thought I was doing the things I was supposed to do.

I was home for my family when I could be and I helped a lot with the kids. I provided my family with a comfortable life. I hired nannies to help my W when I was gone.

I thought I was doing a good job as a husband.

Obviously it wasn't good enough in some way.

Could I have talked to her more? Could I have gone dancing more? Could I have met her needs better?

We went on marriage retreats. We had our dates together. I thought things were ok.

Hind sight is 20/20. It takes having a wife who is willing to communicate her unhappiness to help make corrections or improvements.

Then again, some people are simply broken inside and nothing you could have done as a husband could have prevented what happened to you.

Maturity, morals, culture and expectations factor into what led to a S into becoming a WS.

It doesn't matter what you did as a husband, short of abuse or serial cheating. Nothing justifies infidelity or the pain it inflicted on you.

I'm sure thousands of women would rather have a reliable and boring guy who is a good dad than a bad boy who doesn't help with the kids and is out doing his bad boy things.

The secret for us as BHs is to look for women who will appreciate that and like us for who we are and not who they want us to be.

Our job is to meet their needs and try to keep them engaged and happy.

I've read that men doing lots of housework keeps women happy in a marriage. So pick up a vaccuum cleaner and a duster the next time around!

Speaking of which:

Perhaps we can take all the BHs on this forum and make a calendar of eligible bachelors. We'll take pictures of us in suits making beds, doing laundry, washing dishes, mopping the floor, cleaning bathrooms, and changing diapers.

Think it would be a hot seller?

Hee...I've read that too, and unfortunately whoever wrote it never met my W. I'm the neat freak in the house, and do the lion's share of the cleaning. It's simply more important to me than it is to W.

Last night I got home from work and before I changed out of my work clothes I made the bed. W walked in while I was doing it and said "does it have to be made now, we're going to be getting into it in a few hours?" I said "yeah, we're going to be getting into it in a few hours and it's important to me to get into a made bed at night. It comforts me." I don't think she ever understood that - she's always thought that me cleaning, doing dishes and making the bed was being judgmental...like somehow I was criticizing her for not having done it. Indeed there have been times when that was probably accurate, but most of the time it's just important to me.

If I ever become an eligible bachelor (and I hope I don't) I'll pose for your calendar, with my Dyson vacuum in one hand and my Swiffer duster in the other! (I don't look too good in a Speedo though ;))

So here's a suggestion:

Chill with the cleaning. Perhaps it's normal to you, but it may be overboard to others.

Do less of it and see what happens.

Cleanliness could come at the expense of quality time with the W.

This could be a good way to discuss things with her and find out what level of involvement on your part is acceptable to her.

You could approach it as, "Sweetie, I simply wish to help out and am not doing it to judge you but to help. I read recently that women like it when a man does house work and I just thought I was helping out to make you happy."

See what happens.

And I wouldn't want the models in my calendar to be wearing speedos. Think business attire. Normal guys doing house work!

Good idea... Cleaning is definitely my bailiwick, but you're right - it shouldn't become a LB.

I don't look too much better in a suit than in a Speedo, but I could probably adjust. Any objection to jeans and cowboy boots instead?

I had an Epiphany once.

But the doctor lanced it and put some cream on it.

I just bought a book for my FWH with the unlikely title of "Hold Onto your N.U.T.S." I think it would be a good read for a man with an Epiphany.

Thanks for the suggestion...I'll take a look.

"A man with an Epiphany" Hee...makes me think of The Jerk - "I have a Special Purpose!"

I would buy it