Had a very nice 2 days with WW it felt like we were actually a family again though she is very distant she does respond to me. Monday night she slept in the quest room. I asked her to sleep with me but she refused. She is a little angry that I have taken back our room and told her I was sleeping thier every night from then forward.

Tuesday she had a busy day with business called me several times. She had lunch with her old boss (female divorced) boss asked her why she didn't bring me to lunch. Reason I write this is later we were talking about her lunch and she said boss may call me when somebody wants to show our house. I said fine as long as she doesn't ask me on a date very jokingly. WW looks at me serious and says tell me if she does. I said maybe, she really didn't like that remark but you know what too bad, I'm glad I said it even if I was joking.

Tuesday night I went to bed around 9:30 WW stayed up watching tv and needed her phone fix I am sure. She came into bed with me around midnight. This is the first time we have been in our bed togther since last early summer. I didn't sleep at all and she was also very restless and her bad leg was really hurting. I wanted SF really bad, when morning came I simply told her I needed some help that I could only get from my wife. She laughed saw my predicament and said she didn't want sex but did take care of me in another way.

Spent Wednesday waxing her car big time love bank deposits, did a lot of work on our taxes really big time love bank deposits as she usually has to do it all herself. While working taxes she came over put her arms around me and held me for about a minute. Later I asked her to define her definintion of reconcilliation we both agreed it is a process and she agreed that we are in the process. No earth shattering event but meaningful I suppose.

In the afternoon I went and picked up our grandsons and brought them to the house. We all had a great time, rode motorcycle, played aggravation, which WW simply loved sending my pieces back to start, she laughed and laughed. Play some baseball while WW watched. I think she really enjoyed watching me interact with the kids it was fun.

At 6 she left, DS7 went with her for a few days, I am to go and get him this weekend unless WW decides to bring him back. She is supposed to look at a place for us to rent today. I am here in this big house by myself for a few days so going to keep myself busy on the landscape.

Sounds very promising. And SF of any kind is a HUGE plus. I'm very hopeful for your marriage. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. Prayers going up from California for you and your family.

Thanks so much believer

Some really heavy stuff between POS OM and WW this evening. Been on the phone with her several times in last few hours. It really may be over with them. He is a big time liar and she received intel tonight that may be the catalyst to bring the nightmare to an end. I will explain later, now I need to take it to the Lord.

Well I'm not sure how to explain my feelings tonight. WW received very precise intel tonight that POS OM was on a date. He gave her about 6 different lies about where he was and what he was doing. All verified to be lies.

She told him it was over she never wanted to see or speak to him again and to have a good life. He of course is driving her nuts with e-mails she is not responding. She is being incredibly strong, didn't cry and said she was so relieved. I am in worse shape than she is. POS OM is really showing how pathetic he is crying and begging. She read me the last text I almost wanted to throw up, what a POS.

He said he was going to drive over and find her tomorrow. She said he better not and he wouldn't find her. I pray she is able to stay strong. I let her know I am here for her no matter what, if she felt withdraw pains to please call me.

Could the nightmare be over, I can only pray. Now the tough work begins to try and maintain no contact, and not let the POS slime his way back in.

I asked WW if he could talk his way back in. She said her mind and her heart is closed and from personal experience I know how very strong she can be. She said she let him talk his way back once but not again.

It was not the time to talk about us but I let her know I am here for her. We both agreed that with POS OM in picture that our marriage didn't have a chance. I am so very thankful that she can trust me and turn to me. I will continue to be the light house.

Having a hard time getting to sleep, is this the answer I have been praying for or am I setting myself up to be hurt again. I just don't know if I have it in me if the A is not over.

I must press on and be strong but I feel very week and ashamed that it would take The OM cheating on the cheater to save my marriage.

Have Not wept in 3 or 4 days but weeping now.

I can't sleep either.. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I'm sorry for your pain, I know how hard it is.

WW called early this am she is holding up better than I am.

Talked to her a few minutes ago. Wanted to know when I was coming, I have an appt with CPA thier on Monday. She didn't come right and say it but I sensed she needed me to be near. I told her I would come now if she wanted. So I am going to my bride.

I will continue to be the light house.

That's really all you can do.

It looks better and better for you, but you are still going forward on faith. Do what you ought to do..... live like you ought to live, and trust that things will be fine no matter what.

I hope you can live so your W can trust you from now on. If you do, I suspect she will get to a place where you can trust her too.

All the best.

SS

All I can say is thank you Jesus

What a wonderful time with my wife these last 4 days. The night mare is over and my wonderful wife is back. So much I can post but don't have time but to say the fog is lifting and the love of my life has returned from the alien planet.

I am a very happy man. And a very fulfilled one.

Hope to change to the recovery thread soon
Thanks to all my marriage buillder friends
God Bless
Jim

Just got off phone with WW she is not very happy. She received several text from POS OM and she wanted me to know. Didn't go into much detail but he is begging and pleading. She will not respond, she will call me later and discuss in more detail.

Do the vets think I should call OM or should I continue to work with WW to bring to closure.

We simply cannot turn the phone off, it is her business lifeline. She is being very strong and honest.

Ya know, the first call I made was to OW when I found out about my H's EA. I would call him and let him know that your WW has shared his text messages with you. OM will see that as her betraying him. Weird, but they actually think we BS's are the OP in their affairs of the heart. I wouldn't ask him anything, just tell him to stop. I had to offer up a restraining order to the OW in our case to get her to get off the phone & computer.
And she couldn't belieeeeeve my H would rat her out to me each time she contacted him. Some times the OP's have a rock where
brain cells normally occur. I'm no vet, but I had a good result.
Good luck to both of you GF

Talked with WW about sending a NC letter. She thinks it is a good idea, asked me to help her. I put together a quick note and sent to her, of course my letter was straight to the point and pulled no punches. She called me back and said she didn't want to say that, then said she would have to think about it.
She will send a letter, we will see how strong it will be. She has had NC on her part since Thursday night last week when she told him she didn't want to speak or see him ever again. Of course he has tried to get her to respond to him but she is hanging very tough.

Feeling very good about my marriage. Have not talked to WW about NC letter or POS OM today. I will ask her later.

Feel good because I have put my wedding ring on today after I picked it up from jewlers from being sized. I have not worn this ring for about 5 years. I did wear a cheap band as this ring no longer fit, I lost a ton of lbs about 5 years ago. This is a special ring, and very nice with 3 diamonds, because my WW bought it for me as a gift. Never thought much of it until recently. I am surprised at how emotional I am about it. Called WW and shared with her my feelings about it and told her how proud I am to be wearing it again. She said I was so sweet.

Funny how the small things can really be so meaningful.

Well, we hope it gets better and better.

KEEP RUNNING YOUR PLAN.

Once you think you are firmly in recovery, you can read HNHN together, and use Harley's "Four rules" to make a successful marriage. It worked well for us, It can work for you.

So good to see you happy. It's about time.

SS

Well the good news just keeps coming. Had a long talk with WW and she told me she did send the NC letter almost exactly the way I wrote it via e-mail yesturday. I told her I wished she would have told me and let me see it first, sounds like I miscommunicated to her when I sent her the e-mail. She is going to forward to me tomorrow as she has no internet where she is staying. Good thing is she has received no calls or messages from OM last night or today for the first time. I am very interested in what changes she made.

Only about 2.5 weeks before I will be with her full time after what will be an almost a 9 month separation and 6 month affair. Still have not heard I love you from her, of course that stopped long before the affair so can't blame that on affair but my own addictions. Much affection has returned, last weekend we were very affectionate toward each other. She put some color in my hair, sat in my lap, cuddled, kissed, held hands, flirted, gave her massage and yes some wonderful SF so I don't worry so much about the ILY it will return.

I know that most of the heavy lifting is still to come and I know there will be setbacks. Surely there is much pain to be dealt with but I am committed to the Plan and the process.

Not ready to move to recovery thread need to feel more secure.

Thanks again to my marriage builder friends

(I am writing this letter because I have come to realize that I cannot continue to have contact with you. I know that you will understand that reconciliation of our relationship cannot be possible as long as there is mistrust. I have no faith in you and without faith, trust and truthfulness there is nothing. Remember, truth needs no explanation.

I cannot and will not subject my young son, adult children and grandchildren to someone that cannot be trusted. I love my family very much, and for their protection, I must completely end the relationship.

Please forget me, do not contact me and have a good life.)


Well this is the NC letter sent to OM, don't know what I think. Nothing about me or reconcilliation of our marriage. I suppose WW really thought our marriage was over when she started this affair. What do the vets think?

Spent the last 1/2 hour on phone with FWW. I say FWW because I am now convinced that she wants and has come back to our marriage. I explained that I was not satisfied with the NC letter. She now regrets not including her desire for me her husband in the letter. She said her #1 priority is our young son and me her husband. She explained that we have been on the path of reconcilliation for some time now and that I should not feel like I am a second choice that I am the first choice.

She explained that the OM was a time filler, whatever that means, but our being together has been on her mind everyday. Also said she doesn't miss him and it is over. I am so full of emotion it is difficult to explain my feelings. For the first time I really expressed to her the depth of the pain and hurt I felt by her turning to another to meet the needs that only a husband should ever meet. It was very difficult to expose myself in such a painful degree but I feel she really got it for the first time. She said I should express my feelings to her that we are communicating.

I have been such a conflict avoider that it has been difficult for me to really share deep feelings with her. I should really feel on top of the world at this moment but I am still very sad. Cannot understand why, is this a normal response?

The best thing of all is she said she loves me. Have not heard that in a very very long time.

Going to see wife this weekend and take care of some business will be away from computer. FWW told D24 about NC letter and our steps toward reconciliation. Talked with daughter she is very happy for us.

POS OM called wife in middle of night Thursday. W had taken pain meds and sleeping pill and thought the call would have been me. Took a few moments for her to come to herself didn't even know who it was at first. She is very upset with herself for answering, he got some BS stuff in before she hung up. W said it was nothing but wanted me to know what he said. He has also sent a text and e-mail with no response from W.

The OM is 4 times divorced and many dating relationships, and appears to be addicted to the dating sites. Could he be a predator? Should I worry that he will not stop? Can one obtain a NC order if he should persist in unwanted contact? My DD24 wanted his phone number she said she would call the POS in fact if W wanted me I would love to call him.

Things continue to improve for my marriage. I am so very greatful
for the help and advice I have received from the site as well as the abounding Grace received from my Lord.

FWW is doing everything she should to come back to the marriage. Yes the POS Om has attempted more contact but FWW calls me immediately and lets me know. She is simply deleting with no response. She asked me yesterday after some very special SF if I new that I had all of her. After a few moments I responded yes, an answer I could not have given a week ago.

Her affection for me has returned even faster than I thought possible. We have not experienced this level of affection for many years. Pisses me off when I think of all we have missed together these past 5 years or so.

I want the OM to leave her alone but I am no longer in constant fear. I have so very much to be thankful for and I am not going to let him rain on my parade. Going to continue working on me as I am really beginning to like and enjoy the man I am becoming. Also want FWWs affection and desire for me to grow, hell to be honest, I want her desire for me to be so great that she won't let me out of her sight for fear I may turn too many female heads. Funny she doesn't think I should spend any more time working on my tan because she says it is too hard on my skin. I really think she thinks I look too good and it is making her a little insecure.

She is coming here Wed and spending the night, will want to see the grandkids and we have some business to attend to as always.

Again thanks to my marriage builders friends

I received a card in the mail from FWW yesterday, she mailed it before we spent last weekend together. Here is what it says;

[ No matter how difficult things are between us right now, I really want to start focusing on whats right about our love. It's easy to get wrapped up in the bad things while your going through them, but I think it's important for us to take time to remember what brought us close in the first place-the many things we have in common, the tender intimate moments, the laughter we've shared, and the countless times we've really been there for each other.

We've been through a lot, I know... but so much of it has been really wonderful. Our relationship deserves a chance, so please' let's work it out... let's give our love some time to heal, and maybe the happiness we used to know can be ours again.]


Wow could I have received something from my FWW that is more wonderful. She will be here this evening I can't wait.

Looking unto Jesus