Stipping is a sexual favor.
Stripping for money from strangers is prostitution.

Referring back to the original topic, I believe it depends on the relationship, and therefore is not a question that has a firm yes or no answer. Some couples feel it is okay for their partner to frequent strip clubs, some even go together. In your particular case? No, I do not think it is okay. This question goes beyond the simple strip club or no strip club topic, and into respect for one another. If your husband understands that you are not comfortable with it, then he shouldn't be going... simple. On the other hand, this topic is listed under negotiating... so you might sit down and talk with him about ways to give and take on both sides. Although they don't seem to be a big deal to him, he obviously wants to go. Perhaps you could agree to it, so long as you go with him? He might be a little uneasy with this at first, but if you are able to go along and make it a point to have a good time, and not make things awkward, he will enjoy having you there and look forward to bringing you along next time. This would solve almost all of your listed concerns. It would eliminate the lap dances, he will be too concerned with getting YOU home and obviously wouldn't go in the back room with another girl if you are there. Also, you will be able to control how much of your money he is pouring into the joint. Just a suggestion, but remember, marriage means give and take for both parties. Every now and then you have to step out of your comfort zone and into his, just as he does for you. Good luck! ***edit******

I seriously doubt she's the type of woman that could have fun at a strip club. I certainly wouldn't have fun watching my wife stare at mostly naked men.

But anyway, I don't think POJA should go as far as to require a spouse to compromise their morals. It's suppossed to be a win-win.

I couldn't agree with you more, marriage is supposed to be a win-win. He stops going to strip clubs, and she wins... but what about him? ABSOLUTELY don't get me wrong and think I'm saying it's okay for him to go when she does not approve, or that she HAS go with him. In no way do I encourage it if she truely believes that it would be compromising her morals, that was just one suggestion. But, he is obviously not getting something in the relationship that he needs, and like it or not, she (and he) needs to look beyond the anger and find the underlying issue. I am saying this assuming that they have a loving relationship and he truely does care that she doesn't want him to go, which I'm assuming he does if he is hiding it (if they don't, then that is an issue for another post). Perhaps just increasing the amount of intimacy within their marriage would do the trick.

Okay, I just had to say, Yuck!

There is pretty much only one reason to go to a strip club and that is to see the girls naked in a legal environment. the couple of times I've ever been to one, I've never known them to runa cc tab for the tips you give girls, they took cash only. It's very possible that he was picking up the bar tab. If he is going because that's where his friends are then he should probably find a different time to enjoy thier company. If he is going because of the girls, then there is a larger problem that needs to be addressed and that is which EN is he seeking to fullfil? Most likely it's sexual and admiriation. These are things that she might try to turn up a little bit and get her husband to quit going to the clubs.

If you are looking for a win-win solution, how about letting him know how you feel about the clubs and ask that he not go back any more. If he's looking for time with his buddies, let them come to your place (football season is coming back) If he's looking for something more sexual, how about giving him a lapdance in the privacy of your own bedroom. It would cost alot less and may lead to something else that you would both enjoy

I just don't think it works that way when it comes to strip clubs or any kind of porn. I wouldn't say that his going to strip clubs is a sign of a lack of intimacy, necessarily. It could be that all his buds go and he wants to feel included.

I think he would get his win by having a wife that trusts him.

There is pretty much only one reason to go to a strip club and that is to see the girls naked in a legal environment. the couple of times I've ever been to one, I've never known them to runa cc tab for the tips you give girls, they took cash only. It's very possible that he was picking up the bar tab. If he is going because that's where his friends are then he should probably find a different time to enjoy thier company. If he is going because of the girls, then there is a larger problem that needs to be addressed and that is which EN is he seeking to fullfil? Most likely it's sexual and admiriation. These are things that she might try to turn up a little bit and get her husband to quit going to the clubs.

If you are looking for a win-win solution, how about letting him know how you feel about the clubs and ask that he not go back any more. If he's looking for time with his buddies, let them come to your place (football season is coming back) If he's looking for something more sexual, how about giving him a lapdance in the privacy of your own bedroom. It would cost alot less and may lead to something else that you would both enjoy

Wow, your first post and you are already dishing TERRIBLE advice. Were you aware that this is a Marriage Builders website, based on Christian principles?

They will take a cc tab. For one thing, a saleman entertaining clients need a receipt.


Maybe it's just me, but I don't know if the lapdance is a good idea. I mean, sure it'd be great and I would appreciate it personally, but I imagine a lot of wives might feeling as though it's not very intimate.

it's been about 8 years since I've been so I'm using old experiences


the intimacy obviously would come after the dance. we've done a few at home years back and both enjoyed them, the wife was able to act uninhibitly sexy and makes for great foreplay and I was not allowed to touch until she said so.

this was just a suggestion for the op, if she feels like it's something she's comfortable with in private

I guess it's one of those things you'd have to approach carefully. I mean, I don't think you can just ask your wife for a lapdance, it has to be her idea, or atleast your answer after she asks what she could do for you.

I apologize, as I thought this was a place for people to go that were in need of advice and honest answers. As a Christian myself, I understand that in todays world an open, honest, and understanding relationship is extremely important in order to survive the obstacles placed in front of happy marriages everyday.

I am not here to argue with you or anyone else, I am here to offer MY opinion to those who ask for it, leaving them the option to take it or leave it. I am not here to argue religion with you either... why? Because it is against my religion... but you should know that already, right??

So, I leave you with a bit of advice...
"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things."
Romans 2:1

Advice threads aren't the place to throw around personal opinions. There are discussion threads for that. Advice threads are on how to work the MB concepts. Which doesn't include visits to these places.

I do not see how going to strip clubs could be conducive to the building of your marriage. If it does not build your marriage, if you wouldn't want to be seen by your child's teacher, if you wouldn't want your father-in-law to know, you probably should stay away.

Thank you for clarifying that for me, open_ears. I suppose I was just a bit steamed after the last post accusing me of not holding Christian values, especially after reading some of the threads that poster has placed, that I felt the need to defend myself. Perhaps I was out of line in posting the previous thread in this particular forum. Again, thank you for addressing it in a respectful manner.