I am so confused.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. Trust me, going to plan B was the right thing to do. Now, you need to be prepared to not allow him to break plan B. He will attempt to make contact. You need to be strong and not let him suck you back in UNTIL he agrees to your plan B letter conditions. Do you have an intermediary? If not, get one so they can filter out the garbage that your WH will send you to try and provoke you out of your plan B. I know plan B is scary, but this is the only way to get him to end his affair. Plan B will only work if you are strong enough to have no contact with him until he agrees to your conditions.

Also, you need to tell the kids so they can help you through this as well as apply more pressure to dad.

Care to update?

Ok. Thanks for asking.

Last Tuesday, 20th, we each had separate sessions with Jennifer. Mine was first, his was immediately following. (I was at home, he was at his office.)

She really stressed that I need a no contact Plan B to 'protect myself from his thoughtlessness.' How true. So, that's where I'm at. Trying to protect myself from his thoughtlessness and looking for online classes, art workshops, festivals, anything to keep me occupied. In this past month I have joined a gym-a first for me-signed on with a trainer and take yoga classes. I'm loving the yoga. There is still too much empty alone time in my day, and I can only get just so excited about cleaning an empty house or putting my clothes away when there is nobody here but me and my "good-dog". I am still showering...and shaving (but why?!!)-that's GOOD!

Jennifer also said the kids need to know. So, I told them. Dad and I are having some problems, he's not living here, he has a girlfriend that he says he loves, says he loves me too, we've talked to a counselor, Dad's last communication to me told me that he's coming back to me, that he now has the ability to do what needs to be done and when we look back on this, it will just be a BLIP in the total of our time together. He realizes he has no right to ask me to hang in there, but asked that I do. And I will. I'm not willing to walk away if there is any chance that we can take this $#!+, use it as fertilizer to make our marriage stronger in the end. Told the kids that he is still their Dad and that he loves them. His feelings for them have not changed.

My son is a logical kind of guy (he is in SD-going to school). He was surprised, asked how I was doing, to let him know if there is anything he can do for me (yeah, Bub, gimme a call once in a while to see if I'm dead or alive, ok? kids.) He said he was going to call Dad too. I haven't heard anything back, and I may never but-I'm thinking that the WH is away this holiday weekend. Not with the OW though, because *I* saw her with her six year old son, and she saw me at the hot air balloon festival Saturday. I looked at her through my sunglasses, she looked at me through hers, and I kept looking at her and just walked right up to and then past her. I kind of hope she thinks I'm a bit psycho.

Telling my daughter, now that was very difficult. She is Daddy's girl and has her Dad on a pedestal. She's hurt. She's shocked and angry. We talked for a long time. She wrote her Dad an email and bcc'd me on it. I reminded her that even though she's hurt and angry, she is still going to want to have her Dad in her life. Be careful what you say-don't shut him completely out. She wants things to be the way they were; I told her no, the way things were got us HERE. We have a chance to make things better. That's what we have to shoot for.

I'm trying to be calm, smart, optimistic but realistic too. I want the kids to see me dealing with this without being a crazy lady, and using my time separated from Dad to my benefit. (Even though most times, I feel like my life is a total out of body experience lately. At times I feel like I'm being punished being in Plan B.)

On a side note, all of this Harley reading (and re-reading) I'm doing, I can see where WH wasn't filling my EN's very well for quite some time. I question myself now allowing that to happen-I just accepted it. Attributed much of his neglectful treatment of me to him being occupied with all the stress I know he was under at work; thought his mind was on other things-and it obviously was.

If/when we do start recovery, I will be looking for my EN's to be met like they were long ago. I will not be returning to the same man, but he will not be returning to the same woman either. This BLIP is driving me batty, so I've mentally decided to allow myself one month to continue doing what I'm doing. In one month I will reassess where I am and allow myself to decide again.

Oh, and I got my STD tests done last week. Lucky me, I get to go in again in one month, then six months. Better safe than sorry for sure. The nurse and the female ob-gyn were wonderful, but the receptionist treated me like *I* was the ho when I was scheduling my follow up appointments. Nice.

So, today's schedule is some errands, housework and my daily dog walk. At least I'm out of bed, right?

Happy Memorial Day Everyone! There is still a world going on out there-I have to remind myself sometimes.

It sounds like you are doing very well. Keep up the good work. I did a lot of stuff for me after D-day. I joined a women's bible study group, started a vegetable garden, volunteered, started a business, scrubbed and organized the house, took cooking lessons, went out with friends. It really helped fill in the void and got my self-esteem out of the toilet.

You can be thinking about Plan B and preparing for it. It is essential that you stay very dark. So contemplate any reason that hubby would need to contact you, and make provisions to take care of that ahead of time.

Hi SC,,

First hugs to you, I am so sorry for your pain.

Please listen to the advice from the posters, I did not find the MB board until my hubby had moved back home for almost 18 months.

I did a screwed up plan a and very little plan b (I didn't even knew they had names until I came here, lol) Doing that will really destroy you. Like your WH my hubby was one of the good guys who always had the strongest moral compass out there, and like you he has been the love of my life since I was a teenager.

I believe if I had found this site sooner, and had applyed the methods our recovery would have been allot easier. This site has helped me so much to heal, I am sorry you are here, but there is help here.

F-26