he is leaving

says he is moving out in "early May"

didn't seem to realize that's only two weeks

please do not send congrats or tell me it's for the best or tell me to get happy

it's horrible

i will lose everything and so will my son

he did not show any signs of doing this until about six weeks ago, when i finally did what i should have done years ago

told him i would not go anywhere at all with him, even to the garbage can, unless and until he got rid of those girls

he immediately countered with "I should have manned up and thrown YOU out years ago for bitching about those girls"

and now he's walking out on us

admitted to my son's face that it's 100percent his idea

is this some kind of "somebody doesn't like plan b" on steroids?

He never showed any sign of leaving until i finally "plan b'd" him

and he was furious

angry

nasty

started packing

i broke down screaming

spent five days in a mental ward

now i'm on abilify and ativan

now that i'm drugged, he's using that to move out at his leisure

he is ordering me to go live with my daughter, in order to ease his conscience

he is pure evil

i have never heard of anyone acting like this, even on MB and all the years i have read here

his eyes are evil and dead

getting rid of his girls was never never never an option

he keeps garbage and gets rid of me

that makes me worth less than garbage

far less

still wish i didn't have to wake up anymore

it's 3:30 am here

(((((MULAN))))))

Mulan,

I know you don't know this right now. But you will. You are the toughest, strongest, most loving woman I know. And you are wise.

Thank heaven you see it's HIS evil, not yours. Even on drugs you can see that.

We're here for you!!

Mulan,

I don't know what to say to help you feel better. I just wanted to let you know that all the stuff I've read from you makes me admire your strength of character. Your H sounds like he's possessed by Satan! Please don't let his evilness into your life. You are a wonderful person.

My prayers are with you.

Howso, Mulan ?

I am sorry his leaving it you as hard as it did. But you can plan the rest of your life now without that dissolute man in it.


No it doesn't Mulan. It makes his opinion worth less than garbage and you know it.

Don't you DARE personalise this ultimate manifestation of that arsehole's entitlement, you hear ! This was never about your spousehood not being enough for him, it was about his steroidal ego. He's now cut out the last part of his life that countered his inflated view of himself : you. He can now cut completely loose in complete dissolution.

You fought the good fight. Now pour a G&T and watch his ship sink.


all blessings

{{{{Mulan}}}}

I KNOW how you are feeling right now. So, reasoning with you can only go so far.
Please, consider the experiences of others here that have been in your shoes. We once felt that we were obviously garbage as a result of our WS actions.
It is only clear thinking and perspective that makes you realize that, in fact, WE are the treasures. What would you say to your daughter if she were going through this right now? What would you say to a son that is being broken like this?
Do NOT be any harder on yourself than you would be on others. YOU do not deserve to be treated like this.
YOU are a strong and good woman that has every right to expect that she will be treated kindly, with respect and love. Anyone that treats you otherwise is not worth the pain you are feelings right now.
You will not lose everything...I KNOW it FEELS that way right now. But in the long run...after the pain begins to lessen a bit, you will realize that you have in fact gained by having a cancer removed from your life.
Please take care of yourself as much as possible. Mulan, you have people here that care about you. Do not be afraid to reach out. If you do not have a local support network, put a request out for people here to talk to. We know your pain...we have lived it. We can help.

MEDC

Mulan,

For what it is worth, I think that you are a strong and wise woman, and a good woman. You are wonderful and you have inspired me a lot in becoming a better person. Don't put yourself down because of this evil man and his evil choices.


That is probably the worst mistake in his life and I understand that there have been a few.

You are doing the right thing and he is doing wrong. You will be able to live in peace knowing that you did everything you could do for your family while he will be on a road to destruction.

Take care of yourself and your children, you will make it through this.

Show him what you are made of Mulan.

Show him what he is tossing aside.

I saw your picture, Mulan. I know that you are a very attractive woman. You are bright, strong and caring. AND you do not need him to make you happy.

Show him.

{{{{{{{{{{{MULAN}}}}}}}}}}

I know what you are thinking. I understand those thoughts and doubts. I hve seen that evil in the WH. And I know how they turn it around and leave you absolutely wondering.

Even if we know the truth. Even if we have worked so hard at learning a new way to live, listened to those on here telling us how wonderful we are, in one split second our world changes when they open up their mouth, or give us that look or whatever.

I UNDERSTAND.

I believe in you. And what's more, is you are coming to believe in yourself and grasp reality.

I UNDERSTAND.

He's a monster, just like so many others. But his mind games are what people don't always understand, because that's not just the WH. That who he is deep inside and even when things are good, the games were there. So reality is a guessing game.

You have worked so hard, had a horrible set back, but you can do this. There are so many on here who love you and BELIEVE in how AWESOME you are. Keep fighting, you will get through this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mulan}}}}}}}}}}}

What will you lose, but a vile creature? It's enough torture, Mulan, ENOUGH. I'm not going to say RIGHT ON or any of that nonsense. This just SUX, all around. The exterminator is IN, and is ridding your life of this cockroach. What you have been going thru is a constant stream of abuse, and it is going to take some time away from it to see the whole picture.


IMO, HE needs to speed up the process and leave you the h3ll alone. Do you WANT to leave your home, Mulan? This is not a unilateral decision; you have a say and a choice.

Ah, the evil, dead eyes. I was witness to those a number of times. Whoever you thought you knew doesn't exist right now, so treat him like a stranger invading your life. FIGHT! Don't lay down and just take this crap from him. YOU HAVE A SAY!

Mulan, you have been a lifesaver for me a number of times, reminding me to act, not RE-ACT. You know you are being snowed, YOU KNOW THIS!

Please get back to us, your comment about not wanting to wake up anymore is frightening. Even if you just post one word, let us know you are okay.

I hope you will see an attorney and protect yourself and your son.

Personally I would not leave my home. Let him move out.

I agree with MEDC 100%.

((((Mulan))))

Mulan, you reached out to me (papaof3) a long time ago when I was a newcomer here.

I too spent 6 days in a mental ward. I too hurt as you are hurting now. I too was discarded as if I was trash and meaningless so that a single life with online boys could be pursued.

A family life thrown away. Children's home structure and security was destroyed.

I felt just as you do now. I too had my sleepless nights.

But, like you, I allowed myself to be bullied by my WS and I paid dearly for it.

DON'T DO IT! You have rights. You've been dealing with cake eating and you took away the cake (plan b) and are now getting the reaction.

I don't know what your full situation is, but I can relate to the little you said and I see red flags in your post from someone who was in your shoes.

Go back to the hospital if you need to. Do whatever it takes, but saying things like that you "wish you didn't have to wake up" is a red flag.

Your kids need you and they need you to be strong. If you do anything to yourself, you leave your children at the mercy of someone who is obviously not all together and who will expose them to the trash he wishes to date and be with.

Be strong for your children and protect them from this insanity.

You reap what you sow and the Karma bus will hit him someday.

Don't let him bully you and be strong and stand up for your rights and your home and let him leave.

We're here for you and can offer support. Come here to vent and know that you are always embraced by people who have been in your shoes and understand the devastation and pain you feel.

It gets better!

There is life after the devastation. I was useless for a long time but am now smelling the roses again and enjoying life once more. There is life after the cancer that is holding you back from living it.

Keep that in mind when you are at your worst.

You are a rock. He is sand. You will prevail. Know that we're all here for you, just like you've been here for us. We're lifting you up, in prayer and otherwise.

(((Mulan)))

{{{Mulan}}}}

I'm SO sorry that you're in such pain.

But you're a strong, capable woman. You WILL get through this.

This was always going to happen as soon as you set a firm boundary with him. As long as you were willing to bend, even just a little, he could still get his own way. As soon as you refused to bend, the marriage was going to be too much trouble to him.

Now: I hate to say these words, but you need to get a grip.

Let's get things in perspective here. You and your son have not lost everything. You may well have 'lost' the lifestyle you've built, and the nest he's used to, but that's not everything by a long shot. Your son is not a child anymore; he's close to flying the nest for good anyway.

The fear of losing what's familiar has always been your achilles heel - and your H knows this. He's likely to use that against you. He knows it sends you into a panic, and he knows it makes it hard for you to think. DON'T LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU.

Life is going to change. Mulan, this is a GOOD thing. I know that right now you can't see any light anywhere, but hold on - the light will come. It always does. Nothing stays the same way forever, not even the nice things, so you know your feelings will change.

Get a solicitor, quick. You need someone who's thinking clearly to look out for your interests while you're struggling with the pain and shock and medication. Your H will bully you out of as much as possible if he can get away with it. GET HELP!

Post back when you can. You WILL be OK. Grit your teeth. The ride has started.


Prayers with you.

TA

(((Mulan))))

I don't know your story, but judging from your registration date it looks like you've been dealing with this for a long time.

My WH did basically the same thing after I Plan B'd and forced the sale of our house. I got the tongue-lashing of my life (twice) with the "you made your bed, now lie in it" line.

Mulan, they NEED to blame us, to make it our fault. It's the ONLY way that they can justify their wicked behavior. And trust me, his "girls" will soon be the victims of his evil behavior. Better them than you.

Plan B his [censored] and don't let him bully you. The law will protect you so you won't lose evreything.

I've also seen your picture and you are a beautiful woman.

(((Mulan)))

You will survive this. He's the one who is garbage, and he's proving it in every way right now.

You've helped so many people here. Don't forget that there are many people here who care for you very much.

{{{(Mulan}}}Yes, it is horrible. I have been there. I am sorry.

You and your son will be fine. Really. Better than fine.

Don’t let him back in.

Read again the quote from you I keep in my sigline.

We know you better than he does.

With prayers,

It is horrible, Mulan.

He is getting rid of you not because YOU are garbage, but because HE is.

He refuses to get out of the miasma, and you've refused to wallow in it any longer. Your refusal of such treatment is a good thing, dear one. You've been grace personified - I know, I've watched you.

Bob is entirely correct, as usual. YOU'VE lost NOTHING except a maggot who lives for refuse.

You neither want nor deserve a maggot.

When you kiss them, you get nothing but bad breath and a yearning for something more, someone better. He will NEVER be that. Ever. I think he is incapable of ever being anything more...I don't even think he has the wherewithall to evolve into a dung fly.

You, my dear, have earned so much good karma in this life, that I'm halfway certain in your next you'll be a seraphim.

- Kimmy

(((((((Mulan)))))))

You have been here for such a long time, fighting the good fight. I don't know how you have withstood all this for so long.

I do know that you are WORTHY.

I am so not surprised that you had to be hospitalized, and I do hope that you are taking good care of yourself and your son.

I agree that your WS is garbage, and has mistreated you for a long long time.

You will be in my prayers, please keep posting and let us support you during this time.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hope to hear from you tonight, Mulan. You have been such a help to many here. Sorry that you had to be hospitalized. I had to go once, and it was not fun.

Congratulations for standing up for yourself and your son. You are assuming the worst right now, but you don't know how this will all play out. It may turn out that hubby needs you more than you think.

My ex was like that - he needed a marriage to be able to conduct his search for another woman.

Mulan, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that many prayers are going up on your behalf!