Well... Jenifer wrote back and said that if I wanted to go into plan B that I could follow the letter example in SAA or I can schedule an appointment with her and she can help.

Well then I would go with what Jennifer said. Just make sure your heart and your mind are in sync. Plug ALL holes of communication. Personally, I think your WS will freak when she has no means to contact you, but that doesn't matter, because this is about YOU and protecting whats left of the love you have for her.

Hopefully some of the vets will chime in and help you with your plans and letter. You might want to put a call out for help as this is a critical step.

I'm just finishing up my letter now. I'm going to post it in a new thread asking for help.

I'm not sure what she'll do.... someone else here said they think she'll shut down...

Hey you....

Just checking in on you and your sitch....thanks for keeping tabs on me....

So Plan B, huh???

Not quite the picnic I was hoping for.....

I saw your letter byw, I would help, but I really don't have much to add to it, and you are getting good advice on it. Mine was 2 pages long, so I won't 2x4 you on that...lol.

I am so glad you are flourishing in your new found faith. That is awesome. And the no smoking thing, that rocks too....

Man, I really admire all you have done through all of this. Keep your chin up and keep us posted....I'll be praying for you...

not2fun

Thanks for the encouragement not2. I need to hear it...It means alot to me. One of my mentors once said to me ...

I had a good weekend. Had lots of quality time with the kids and accomplished lots of things around the house.

As a BS I think we’re so preoccupied with our emotional pain that we don’t stop to think about anything positive that’s come from being betrayed. I mention this because I feel I’ve become much closer to my kids since my wife moved out. I feel like I’m developing a much better relationship with my kids because of the separation.

Does that seem strange?

My WW sent me 3 emails this week... two were Chain Emails... You know the kind..."Send this to 10 peaple and your dream will come true." Yada yada yada...I've read them but I haven't responded to any of them at all...

The one she sent today... Definately not a Chain email.... It was a joke email... And I didn't find it humorous at all... It was a joke about an old couple... the wife asks the husband if he'll remarry if she dies... The punch line is he's having an affair already and he mistakenly reaveals it....

I didn't find it humorous.

I was responding to her chain emails with small talk a while back... but I haven't recently... So she calls me today at lunch to find out if I have to transfer any time soon... I'm not sure but I think its just an excuse to call... Just a feeling though...

Based on the content of the last few emails... I think she's feeling me out to see if I know anything.

Amazin...

ok friend, what happened??

I leave for a little while, you end up on page 2 and nowhere to be found???

What's going on????

I am back, so I expect you to get on here and let me know....

not2fun

I'm still here... Just busy.

A couple of weeks ago I went downtown looking for a used furniture store. I drove down the main drag looking for it. I didn’t see it so I went down a side street to turn around. On the side street I found an auction so I stopped and went in. It’s a local auction that they have every other Saturday. I ended up getting a solid maple 7 piece bedroom set (Probobly from the 1940’s or 1950’s) for $250.00. Coincidentally, that is the exact same amount I paid for my daughters brand new bed a couple of weeks earlier. Last Saturday I got a brand new Sealy box spring and mattress for $100.00. I Thank God for the little blessings he gives us.

I've been using my Saturday mornings to spend some one-on-one time with each of my kids. This last Saturday I took my youngest daughter for a ride in the country then ate breakfast at a diner. After that we went to an auction, then a guitar shop. I spent the rest of the day painting my sons room.

Sunday was a gorgeous spring day. We went to church, then spent the rest of the day painting and doing yard work. I think we'll be done with my son's room today! He'll be able to sleep in his new bed tonight for the first time. Yea!

I really need some encouragement right now. I’m really having to fight the urge to go over to her apartment, wait for him to come out, and then just kick the living sh*t out of him!

GGGGRRRR

What's up? In your last message you seemed to be doing really well at focusing on improving yourself instead sordid goings on elsewhere.

Also, he's not worth the trouble. The momentary pleasure just isn't worth the long term pain.

Time was once you could re-educate a sleaze-bag with your knuckles and people would say he got what was comin and go about their business, but these days...

I'm real tired of all this... She thinks she's being slick by letting her new boyfriend drive our car from his Apt to hers and I won't know he's there... It really grates on me that he's driving a car that I'm making payments on.

And I'm sick and tired of it... It's hard not to focus on the affair because of where she lives.

I'm ready to get it exposed and in the open... then plan B. I'm tired of this BS.

Can you recap your situation? I'm wondering why you haven't exposed yet.

And I'm still not sold on the idea of exposing in the Plan B letter unless you're going to have Jennifer help you do it.

My first counseling session with Jennifer she steered me away from exposure. I didn’t really know why so on my next counseling session I asked why. She explained that when I expose is really up to me. However, there can be a “wow” effect when you hold off exposure until right before going into plan b. I haven’t had another counseling session. So I don’t know what Jennifer would say about combining the plan B letter and exposure. She may suggest exposure followed by a couple of weeks of real good plan A. Then Plan B. I don't know.

Guess who stopped by for a visit yesterday... My father-in-law!

He is on his way down to Florida, and stopped in before he went to my wife’s house. He’s going to stay at her place until Monday or Tuesday then continue south to Florida. We had a very nice visit and he said that he and his wife were very sorry to hear about the separation. He said that they like me very much and that I’m welcome to stay at their house anytime. He went on to say that he doesn’t want to be put in the middle of anything and that this is between me and my wife.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know about the affair. He said he didn’t know that my wife had moved out until he called the house looking for her and my daughter told him she doesn’t live here anymore.

And you didn't tell him about the affair?

I'm wondering why not?

I could have told him a long time ago... I have his email, his phone number...

So the short answer is this...


For the same reason I didn't tell him about it in January... Because that's the direction Jenifer originally steered me in...

However.... Now I'm wondering if he already knows.... My son and I took some movies back to block buster. When I drove by her house my father-in-law was working on her car with a man.

Oh, he probably already knows then. It is usually wise not to expect too much help from the WS's family. They mostly side with the WS, or refuse to intervene.

Sometimes I wonder if that is why the WS's cheat - poor moral upbringing.

My ex's family were very close to me until the affair. Then I become the pariah. They supported ex in "finding happiness". It's funny, now that the affair is over and he realizes the horrible mistake, they call me wanting to "talk". Sadly they lost the right to advise me.

I'm sorry to hear that Believer. I really like her family and I hope that I don't end up in the same place you are.


If I were to bet on which way my FIL was going to go it would be toward the refusal to intervene. He specifically said that he wasn't going to get in the middle of anything.

My FIL was very nice durring his visit and he did say that he was going to pray for us.