Great Post Mark.

Zonie:

I hope your thread here has revealed to you the stark difference in viewpoints that you and your H has in regards to your affair.

You may not have thought that him knowing about the pictures was that great. But to him, it was huge.

Should MrZ make it safe for you to reveal this information that he so desprately needs? Yes. And he may be better next time. But it really does lie on your shoulders. Tell him all of it. Leave nothing out. He might not like to hear it, and you might not like to tell it. It WILL make you look bad. But it's a matter of degrees. Your already 170 degreess out of whack, and another two or three degrees will not make much difference. But those degrees are huge to your husband.

LaLa recommend you writing it all out. Excellent idea. HE can ask follow up questions from that. But its all there. And when he is satisfied, and the recovery process HAS really kicked in, you and he can burn the letter. That can be a catharic moment. Keeping that letter forever may be bad for the long-term in yur marriage, but it might be what you need right now.

LG

Wow.

I hope you come back here MrsZ.
This thread is a mixture of gold and whips.
There is some priceless information for you if you can get through the scoldings.

Let me ask you something MrsZ. Do you trust your husband not to hurt you with what you reveal?

I know to most BS that sounds crazy, but I know my worry was how this information was going to bite me in the a$$. What if one of the things I said was the straw? (you know...the one that broke the camel's back...) What if I had revealed these things and then hit the one "unforgiveable" thing. Then what happens?

Now that he's leaving me....
Does he take all the information and use it against me?
Does he use it to take away my kids?
Does he reveal everything to everyone?

Can you give your husband the gift of "everything"....can you turn it ALL over to him....and trust that he won't hurt you with it? If you can....you will receive a wonderful gift in return.
You and your husband can an amazing future.

If you let secrets remain....you won't. Its as simple as that.

It's his perception that matters when it comes to his feelings on this matter.

If he says he's not getting the information, your attempts to argue to the contrary will do no good.

Address the objection. If he asserts this as he does, have him define what getting all the information is, and then your job is to make sure that happens.

It's not your job to argue him out of his feelings. It's your job to address how he feels, validate his concerns and address them to HIS satisfaction.

PERIOD.