How is yours going Dino?

She asked about Dave last night too and what he had said. Dave is the guy she puposed nsa to. I have very mixed emotions about that. I know she has needs and I do also. Dave has assured me though his involvement now could go no further then helping in emails if he can be of any help at all.
I wish we could have nsa. I wish she could hide the emotions like we do in the lifestyle but she can't with me. I know that says something for our connection. I think I could with her knowing that it would help. I do have and will always have strong loving emotions for her and with her but we have both learned a frame of mind in the lifestyle to be in.

Guess I have to collect all these thoughts aat once. We have to figure out a way to meet both our needs for right now. I have no idea how to do that with her feeling the way she does about sex with me. I know I can trust Dave but he won't. Good to have a friend like him and I told him I don't want to know about any emails or anything anymore. He's agreed to respect me totally and to just help any way he can without sex being involved.

Everythings just so confusing and maddening right now except for my love for her and my focus of getting back to who I was ..... who I really am.

What is "nsa"?

No strings attached sex.

What...????

So, let me see if I have this straight - she proposed "no strings attached sex" to another man, someone you know?

Do you really believe that he's the only man she's proposed that too?

Do you honestly believe that she is not cheating on you?

Not sure what to believe now and even more so with her refusal to give me access and include me in the profile. I don't expect most of you to understand or comprehend it but we are and have both been swingers for going on 5 or 6 years now. It's a different type of setting then most any of you will understand (no offense at all intended).

Coming clean and being honest is really what needs ro happen and I know we can do this. I think she knows that also but there's things stopping her from feeling it and feeling it will stay that way and I understand that.

Well it seems to be an easier day for me today for some unknown reason. I do feel some anxiety coming on but trying to calm that with knowledge and understanding of what went wrong and how to avoid that in the future. I guess the bigger or harder or however you want to label it is not knowing the outcome of it all. I know it's all repairable in my eyes but is it really in her eyes? Does she even know if it is or not at this point? We're both confused about everything except the fact that we love each other. I have to believe thats what will pull us back together, that and my efforts and changes. Got some information on plans today (thanks again mvg) but not sure when I'll have a chance to sit down with it yet and see if it can be benificial to me in anyway or what way.

Well still here today. She sent me a poem last night that I wrote for her long ago. Made me cry reading the love I have always had for her but forgot how to show. I was going to post the poem but I got to thinking about it and that poem is for her and her alone. I meant every word of it and it came directly from the heart I now em bringing back alive.

I don't know what her way of working on it is exactly and I'm working on it tons more right now and not complaining about that so. She is working on it I know that. Infidelity though has no place in this right now and even more so when I was told it isn't on her mind at all. Makes me think she is just wanting to keep me at bay while she gets what she needs.

Anyone have a bull dozer?

Well I have joined the forum and looked around the site due to my wife's urging and found this:

When someone says they love you but aren't in love with you then it usually means there is someone else.

And being into a swinger lifestyle, you don't think YOU introduced and even encoraged this??????

The only reason for your W's seperation is so she can have " NSA with whomever she pleases without your interference.

ezb, what the h@@# are you thinking here? Do you believe that a swingers' lifestyle is somehow a covenent M in the eyes of God????

You've heaped piles of s*#% on top of your M(?) and now you have the audacity to say it stinks??

My only regret is that I invested my time to read your entire thread, only to find out youre into swinging, and can't somehow understand why your w is unfaithful( and believe me she is, that's what this seperation is all about).

And still, you have the confidence to actually exclaim in an earlier reply that you are "sure" she is not having an A. You're right, she is most probably having several, a trait that it would seem YOU taught her.

I do wish you well, and for the record, you are wasting your time in C until the both of you have an epiphany about your lifestyle.

Good Luck

Jerry

ezb, there is no difference between "nsa" [no strings attached sex] and adultery. You have condoned adultery in your marriage and happily handed your wife over to other men like an unpaid wh*re. A chattel to be used for the sexual pleasure of some [censored] off the internet.

As you can see, this has not worked out well. I can't fathom how any woman could LOVE a man who thought so little of her that he could do that. A man who loves his wife cherishes her and PROTECTS her from harm. She can see how much you "love" her when you hand her over to worms she meets on the internet.

You have a huge problem here, and the problem lies with your destructive attitude about marriage. I don't know if your marriage can be saved, but I do know that this must be changed if you ever expect to have a decent, loving relationship with a woman.

You have no right to object to your wife's adultery, since you handed her over gladly and engaged in adultery yourself. Feeling follow actions, and that is exactly what happened here. What has to change is your swinging lifestyle. That is the first step.

Like I said I don't expect most of you to understand or comprehend. In the swinger world you don't have A's. Emotions aren't a part of sex.

We DO understand and we do understand that you DON'T understand. What you are engaging in is ADULTERY and AS YOU CAN SEE, it is extremely damaging to your marriage.

Dr. Harley, a clinical psychologist, with 35 years experience in saving marriages, counseled many swingers back in the 60s-70s and here is a paraphrase of his radio show about swinging - I typed as fast as I could so this is not perfect:


If you want to hear this segment, click on radio archives and get this segment:

(1 segments)December 18, 2006
Segment: #00776

Description:
2 articles from ABC news talk about swinging. One deals with a new resort for swingers. The other talks about swing being good for a marriage. The Harleys discuss the problems with swinging.
TIME: 6:34 -- SIZE: 1.50 MB

or if you want, email me at ohmelodylane@aol.com and I will email you the segment.

No ezb, we do comprehend,
It is you here, that doesn't comprehend!

Do you feel like you are in some sort of enlightened club that the rest of don't get?

We get it loud and clear! It is you, my friend, who doesn't "get it".

You don't get that a M cannot survive a swinging lifestyle. Welcolm to Satan's private club.

Praying for your enlightenment,
Jerry

Thank you for the advice and the segment link. The lifestyle was not our problem though. The lack of attenttion and effection I gave my wife was. I find it utlerly perplexing how conventinal marriages can look down on swingers so much to the point and then committ A. In our view we are twice as open and honest with each other then convential marriages and (yeah I know what your going to say in my case) the divorce rate amoung vanilla's (non swingers) is twice if not 3 times as much as it is in the swinger lifestyle.

Honesty is not enough to sustain a marriage and overcome the absolute destructiveness of open adultery. You can be "honest" and agree to jump off a cliff, but does that mean jumping off a cliff is smart or productive? No. Honesty does not compensate for the damage of infidelity - AS YOU CAN SEE. We are not telling you anything you have not already experienced.

And it is not true that the divorce rate is "3 times" that of so called "vanilla" marriages. Studies consistently show that swinging is DEVASTATING to marriages. Adultery is devastating to marriages. All you have done is call adultery a cute name in a vain attempt to shift reality. It didn't work. You can call it a dogfart if you want, it won't make it any less destructive. Bastardizing the English language will not change reality. It is what it is.

ez, your open adultery is the problem in your marriage. Until you wake up and see the handwriting on the wall, this cannot be solved. You have handed your wife over to creeps and [censored] on the internet for their sexual use and I cannot think of anything more UNLOVING. With "love" like that, who needs enemies. Those are not the actions of a loving husband. The only difference I see between you and a pimp is that the pimp gets paid.

As a woman, I would be HEARTBROKEN if my H thought so little of me that he would ENDORSE such a degradation. I would want to find someone who really loved me.

Which is exactly why you find yourself where you are today.

Sex with your W is the culmination of the loving emotions you feel for her. It is reserved for one man and one women in a covenent M before God.

ezb, you and your WW have taken a horribly wrong turn in your attitude about sex. I don't know how old you are, but for whatever reason, you don't seem to understand the reason and purpose for exclusitivity.


Until you do a 180 degree change in your attitude, you, sadly, have no chance to R your M because it was never a real M to begin with.

I normally don't 2x4 folks here, but your thought process is completely warped with regard to a true M. You need to rethink this entire sitch from a different prospective.

And so does your WW. Without that, you are wasting your money on counselling.

BTW, does your C know that you two are into swinging? I will only guess, he/she does not. If not, why did you withhold that crucible of info? As you did here until you were several pages into this thread?

And for the record, you cannot trust this person "Dave" as the offer is on the table.

JMHO

All Blessings,
Jerry