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Neither of us know that at this point and it's something that is academic right now till other things are sorted out and fixed. At least for me anyways because I'm not looking for sex with others at this time and haven't been.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Me and my WW. Sorry I should have stated clearly.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Neither of us know that at this point and it's something that is academic right now till other things are sorted out and fixed. At least for me anyways because I'm not looking for sex with others at this time and haven't been. But you admit it has caused damage, so it only makes sense to give it up, right? If you are truly trying to fix your marriage, as you claim, then it only makes sense you would STOP committing adultery, which you admit causes damage. You don't have to "sort out" other things to stop committing adultery. You can commit to stopping today. It is not enough to stop doing damaging things NOW, but to assure your spouse you won't do them in the future too. So I will ask again, will you commit to giving up your adulterous lifestyle?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you vets,
I'm out.
all blessings,
Jerry
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You admitted here that your adulterous lifestyle caused damage: I never once said it didn't cause damage. I meerly said it wasn't the problem. If you are sincere about repairing your damaged marriage, then it just makes sense you would COMMIT to stop doing damaging things, no?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Feeling it just wont be enough to save it The above is what you chose for a title to your thread. And you're right, EZB. It probably won't be. As I wrote before, I fear you'll miss the opportunity to recover your marriage unless you can stop defending that living the "Life Style" and having sex with others had a negative impact on your marriage. You've found one of the best places on the planet to recover from yours and your wife's infidelity. I urge you to take advantage of its resources. God Bless, Jo
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I have stopped months ago being active in the lifestyle. It is not adulterous to us so your question cannot be answered.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Mel,
The way it was done and the lack of attention and effection I gave to my wife was the damaging part.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Feeling it just wont be enough to save it The above is what you chose for a title to your thread. And you're right, EZB. It probably won't be. As I wrote before, I fear you'll miss the opportunity to recover your marriage unless you can stop defending that living the "Life Style" and having sex with others had a negative impact on your marriage. You've found one of the best places on the planet to recover from yours and your wife's infidelity. I urge you to take advantage of its resources. God Bless, Jo Thank you Jo but infidelity to us is without the others knowledge.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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When shes ready to let me prove things to her is when my marriage will improve. Until then it will remain in it's current state and I will continue to learn.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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I have stopped months ago being active in the lifestyle. It is not adulterous to us so your question cannot be answered. It is not enough to "stop" temporarily, you have to assure her you are making real, lifelong changes. Otherwise it is a sham and she should see it as such. And yes, it is adultery. You are an adulterer. It doesn't matter if you admit it or not. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - a·dul·ter·y –noun, plural -ter·ies. voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you Jo but infidelity to us is without the others knowledge. That is an inaccurate definition. You can bastardize the English language to accommodate your bad behavior, but you can't alter reality. Words have meanings and you are committing adultery and infidelity: a·dul·ter·y Audio Help /əˈdʌltəri/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-duhl-tuh-ree] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural -ter·ies. voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
in·fi·del·i·ty Audio Help /ˌɪnfɪˈdɛlɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-fi-del-i-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural -ties. 1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 2. unfaithfulness; disloyalty. 3. lack of religious faith, esp. Christian faith. 4. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have stopped months ago being active in the lifestyle. It is not adulterous to us so your question cannot be answered. It is not enough to "stop" temporarily, you have to assure her you are making real, lifelong changes. Otherwise it is a sham and she should see it as such. And yes, it is adultery. You are an adulterer. It doesn't matter if you admit it or not. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - a·dul·ter·y –noun, plural -ter·ies. voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse. And who informed you she was wanting to stop lifelong? Again societies definition of a word does not mean I have to accept it. Society tells us war is not killing did you adopt that same view Mel?
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Mel,
The way it was done and the lack of attention and effection I gave to my wife was the damaging part. I will repeat your words back to you: "I never once said it [swinging] didn't cause damage." Since you admit it caused damage, I will ask again, will you commit to forgo your adultery FOR LIFE since you claim your goal is to repair your marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have stopped months ago being active in the lifestyle. It is not adulterous to us so your question cannot be answered. It is not enough to "stop" temporarily, you have to assure her you are making real, lifelong changes. Otherwise it is a sham and she should see it as such. And yes, it is adultery. You are an adulterer. It doesn't matter if you admit it or not. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - a·dul·ter·y –noun, plural -ter·ies. voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse. And who informed you she was wanting to stop lifelong? Again societies definition of a word does not mean I have to accept it. Society tells us war is not killing did you adopt that same view Mel? I should say that killing during a war is not murder.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Mel,
The way it was done and the lack of attention and effection I gave to my wife was the damaging part. I will repeat your words back to you: "I never once said it [swinging] didn't cause damage." Since you admit it caused damage, I will ask again, will you commit to forgo your adultery FOR LIFE since you claim your goal is to repair your marriage? Your asking a question I have no answer for at this time Mel.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Mel,
The way it was done and the lack of attention and effection I gave to my wife was the damaging part. I will repeat your words back to you: "I never once said it [swinging] didn't cause damage." Since you admit it caused damage, I will ask again, will you commit to forgo your adultery FOR LIFE since you claim your goal is to repair your marriage? Your asking a question I have no answer for at this time Mel. Thanks for proving my point for me. I wish you the best, ez.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Again societies definition of a word does not mean I have to accept it EZB, The English Dictionary's definition of words is the map by which people who speak the language "communicate". If we all had special meanings (deviations) from those defintions, the world would be in chaos. You can call what you and your wife do in your marriage Life Style or even a Kangaroo. But I would bet the majority of people you communicate with will use the Dictionary's defintion. Jo
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And thank you also.
Are you not going to even address my question to you?
Last edited by ezb; 05/03/08 01:44 PM.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Again societies definition of a word does not mean I have to accept it EZB, The English Dictionary's definition of words is the map by which people who speak the language "communicate". If we all had special meanings (deviations) from those defintions, the world would be in chaos. You can call what you and your wife do in your marriage Life Style or even a Kangaroo. But I would bet the majority of people you communicate with will use the Dictionary's defintion. Jo Jo I'll ask you the same question I asked Mel and she won't answer. Is killing during war murder to you or not?
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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