Not IC anymore. I started that and once I confirmed I wanted the marriage he began seeing us together. He knows everything, we hold nothing back.

It was as you describe, overnight self-hatred. At first she began abusing herself through violent masturbation. Then it led to other men.

Maybe I can descibe it better?

The infidelities with other men happened over 2 very brief periods. The self abuse was the entire time.

During both brief periods she was having sex with three men. As I stated earlier, even 2 men the same day. If you looked at the cell phone and computer records you would see day and night. Hyper-activity followed by zero contact.

Can a woman act this way out of desire? If she were a slut could it be shut down for months or years at a time?

Her behaviors as described here sound horribly driven by pain.

You have a right to know the whole truth no matter the cause. I am sorry for your pain.

I'm glad that she takes responsibility for her actions, I would think that would make a difference.

As for where there is one roach there are more, this is does not have to be the case. I had one big ugly 'roach'.

She tells me I have the truth. That I have everything. But her past lies are what scare me.

I am trying to take solace in the fact that, since she has already told me some of the most horrid things, there is no reason to hold anything back.

I once thought that way as well. It proved wrong. Now, I verify.

Are you against using a polygraph to get to the truth?

I don't know that I'm opposed but something within me wants to trust. I don't know if that is fear of there being more or a higher calling (I'm a devout Catholic).

the continued lying a year after the fact is troublesome for me as well... she found it awful easy to conceal and lie for a long time.

my ex could look me straight in the face and lie lie lie and not even blink an eye.

i will NEVER know what the heck the truth was and what were lies there were so many!

mlhb

in fact, HE STILL LIES TO THIS DAY! i am just better at catching him in them now.

A higher calling has nothing to do with getting to the truth. YOU can decide for yourself if you want or need to know the truth. Many a WS have been thankful for being pressed to take a polygraph. It allowed them to unburden themselves of more lies and finally begin recovery.

Fear is real and understandable...it can also paralyze.

So it is it unusual for a WS to be completely honest and look to start to rebuild. I guess I am of the mentality, I've done the worse thing possible, what good will it do to lie about something else...if it would ever come out (and all lies does which is why its easier to tell the truth) eventually and be much worse. You had your oppportunity.

Then again, I wasn't ready for complete honesty right away...what do I know. I do know that once I was ready and everything came out it really was like a weight lifted from me. Then I was able to focus on our marriage, our relationship, what I needed to improve things for my husband and what I needed.

Might sound odd, coming from me, trying to be positive on where things are heading with my husband, but I think that he was able to see a difference in me once I let it all out. I know I didn't feel as tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop. (I think I might have written myself into a better mood - and no, I do not have a bi-polar disorder:))

Thank you for your very kind words JLR. I mentioned earlier in this post that I am a very devout Catholic. I don't know if it is offensive or not (I hope not), but I will offer my morning Mass attendance tomorrow for the healing of your marriage.

I appreciate your thoughts at morning mass. And no worries, I think we could all use a little more faith in our lives, no matter what the thought behind the faith is behind (well, within reason).

How are things for you today? How are things with your wife?

Things are better the last day or two. I think it was just a small set back (me triggering).

My wife has be doing all the right things to help me. I know we are going to make it. We made it through the worst times and everyday the pains decreases and I learn better how to control my triggers.

My thoughts go out to you. Give a shout out any time you need it. I might be a situation to help on some of the W background playing - not an excuse but where the pain comes from so you can help ensure she isn't silently suffering. Not exactly the same but probably similiar enough to help.

Keep the faith and keep praying. Love is grand.