I am not sure if there is any meaningful statistic for this. Some will experience an epiphany of sorts and choose the wife immediately. Some will try to make it work with OW, but that relationship falls apart. Some will do everything they can to break the blackout of Plan B so they can continue cake eating. Others will simply believe that recovery is too hard and "too much has happened".

One thing that is preached on these boards is to not place expectations on your actions because they will only serve to hurt you further. You go to Plan B because its the right thing to do to protect your emotional well-being and any remaining love for your WH. You don't go to Plan B as a ploy to get him to choose your marriage. Dr. Harley says that everyone has their limit for Plan A. If you stay in Plan A too long, you run the risk of losing so much love for your WH that you will no longer want to recover your marriage.

Believer- What do you mean with keeping up with the other half's story?

Andrew- Thanks for your comments. You're right I do need to protect myself and my feelings for my husband. It's difficult because he won't sever ties with me. It makes it harder than if he just divorced me.

Believer,

""and she was just sidepork?""

VERY AWESOME!!

krusht - LOL, glad you like it.

Puppylove - Read theotherhalf's thread. She has been put up with 3 in her marriage too long, and beat up the OW over the weekend. Now she is facing JAIL.

There is a limit to what the BS can endure. Everyone needs to try Plan A for a short span (months), and then go to Plan B.

Well husband at it again. My kids have practice tomorrow night and husband suggested we get together after practice. I know what that means. I think when he has the kids he can spend time with me without the other woman wondering where he's at or who he's with. She doesn't know he's with me sometimes. I almost don't mind. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I'm getting revenge. She has no idea he's with me. I know he's probably said we're through, when in fact I asked him to leave when he broke no contact. I know it sounds petty but I just wish she knew everything that was going on. She sits over there thinking her soulmate is so into her when in fact he's spending time with me. Thats what she gets for messing with a married man with kids. She should spend some time mending her own marriage.

Why don't you expose the affair to HER husband?

Why are you ok with taking his scraps? HER sloppy seconds?
I wouldn't have sex with him! How do you know he doesn't have some STD from her?

You need to make a decision whether or not you want to save your marriage or if you just want to be the second choice. He has NO REASON to end his affair right now. None whatsoever.

Do you plan to give him a reason to?

mlhb

I'm writing a Plan B letter as we speak. I've had enough. I guess I don't feel like seconds because I'm the wife. She's the pond scum getting what she can from a married man. I don't intend to continue. I was in Plan A and wasn't sure if the affair was on or not. He said he wasn't with her anymore. It wasn't until the cruise that I found out they nwere together.

Believer-

I read a post of yours somewhere that said "97% of all affairs end and the wayward spouse usually ends up back home" Did I get that right? I can't remember where I saw it.

97% of affairs end. And of the 3% that go on to marriage, 75% end in divorce before 5 years.

Thanks Believer. I knew I read something like that.

By the way the other womans husband does know. I don't believe he really cares to make their marriage work. I don't blame him. Their relationship started out as an affair. What can he say right. He got what he deserved.

Oh, and of course his first marriage was on the rocks and they were "seperated" which we all know is nonsense. Just a nice little way of making themselves feel better.

Do they REALLY think people believe that!!!!!

Sorry for all the venting!!!!!!

Sorry for all the questions. I'm still trying to learn and understand.

I know I won't fully understand but I feel better prepared with more knowledge. I've read so much here and learned even more.

Before I Plan B (I know I'm doing it to protect my feelings for my husband and help myself and move forward) can someone tell me how Plan B impacts the spouse?

If Plan B allows me to move forward, wouldn't allow the souse to do the same? Out of site out of mind and continue on in his fantasy land?

I know about having the other woman meet all his needs but because we have children and I handle most of their scheduling I feel like he's still getting some needs met by me. By taking care of the kids/homework/sitters/house/yardwork etc. Is that true? Or should I not worry about those things so much?

Plan B Here I Go!!!!!!!!

Have you set up an intermediary for him to go through in case he needs to ask you something. Plan B is hard and you need to stick to your guns.

Have you written the Plan B letter? You could post it here for advice from the vets.

Eveything is set. I don't know what to expect in the beginning if anything. Any input? Will he let it go a while until he starts to realize I'm serious. Do they not care in the beginning and think great now she's out of the way. Will he try to contact immediately. Vets any input would be helpful. By the way I feel better all ready just knowing I did it.

I suggest you post your letter here so we can vet it. WS's are different in their reaction. Mine came over to my home and pounded on the door for 2 hours, wanting to talk. Then I heard NOTHING for 3 months, and 2 days before Christmas he called me at work to announce he was moving back in (while still with OW, by the way).

I've seen others that ended the affair and came home right away.

Most don't respect the Plan B letter and keep attempting contact. But there are many who DO, and the BS hears nothing for months and months.

Sorry, not much help................

Any input is help. thanks for your response. Just wondering what things might be like in the coming days or months or anything I guess. I was hoping I guess that he would come running home. Apologizing and asking me not to leave. I guess that is not going to happen.. I suppose I knew it wouldn't anyway. My spouse would have said that's what you said you wanted what am I suppose to do? You're the one who doesn't want any contact. Anyway, I'm a little down. Yet I'm also relieved.

PL

I'm hoping you will stay very dark. Don't meet any of his emotional needs. Let the OW meet them all. Just remember, everytime you have contact with him, you are helping HER.

Thanks. I like that everytime I have contact with him I'm helping her. That should help on the days that seem tough. I'm used to talking to him everyday. Even if it is about the kids mostly. Does that count as meeting his needs as well...talking about the kids and their schedule?

I saw my husband briefly yesterday. I didn't speak to him but I could tell he seemed irritated/mad maybe.

I'm not sure he just couldn't seem to look at me. I don't know if he's angry over my letter or ashamed. Any input???

What did you say in your Plan B letter?

Plan B means no contact at all, nada, no seeing him, no talking to him. This is why you have an intermediary in place and your financial and legal arrangements in place BEFORE you go to Plan B. Did you do all of this?


Plan B also means that you don't worry about what he's doing, what he's feeling, where he's been or where he's going. The only concern you have about WH during Plan B is IF he is ready to meet your conditions set out in your Plan B letter. That's why we encourage folks to post their Plan B letter BEFORE they send it out.

So, take a breath. Let us know the details of how you set up Plan B.