CC,
Your right. Those are some WWs. The ebook helps me understand the crisis she is going through but I don't think it has a solid plan to build a strong marriage. I have ordered his needs/her needs and will be probably order more.

I am still wary of an affair. Anybody know how to hack into a yahoo messenger account?

I'd recommend Love Busters as well, and I'd recommend starting with eliminating your Love Busters before trying to meet any Emotional Needs. That's what worked for me.

I'd also recommend Surviving An Affair. I'd definately recommend that one, because I still think your wife is a WW.


I hacked into my wife's Yahoo email account... but I did so by guessing her password. After 4 or 5 guesses, I decided to try the password we use for our joint Yahoo account... and that was it. My wife didn't want to be bothered with remembering multiple passwords, so she used the same one.

As long as you can get the password, you should be able to get into any Yahoo service she uses. A keylogger would be your best bet. I don't know much about them, but you can probably do a Google search. The key is to get something that is unobtrusive and unnoticeable.

A keylogger can not only net you her password, but would also show you whatever she types, so that would be helpful to you.

Is she still planning to move out?

Google e-blaster,

and if you want GPS to know where she drives Google Land, Air, Sea Tracking Key

You should do this AFTER exposure.

Yes, she still has the apartment. She has talked about moving her office there and getting some roommates to offset the rent. The OM is going to a seminar about selling life insurance and such and she is talking about going too. She says to make some extra money. I know what your thinking and I am too. Went to give blood with her for life insurance today and she was in a great mood. On her way to dropping me off at work she mentioned having cake and eating it too. I asked her what she meant and she started back pedaling. We went to the marriage counselor last night and he thinks I should give her the gift of letting her stay at the apartment occasionally. I said I didn't want to but if that's what she needs then it's ok. This sucks. Maybe that's why she is in such a good mood today. She went to lunch with her sister and the OM is a waiter there. Did I mention that this sucks?

You need to drop that MC PRONTO!! Right after you expose the affair.

I would not wait any longer to expose.

Do not bother going back to that MC. Why? MC is telling you to let the WW have a place to go and bang the OM.

Insurance seminar, more like a over night trip to cover a chance for SF with the OM.

Stand up be a man and expose tonight.

You have a very very small window of opportunity. You may not be able to stop this, but you should definitely try. You really need to stand up and do what you can to interfere. Expose. NOW. SPY, ALOT.

That MC is enabling your WW's affair right along with you.

You are going to kick yourself if you allow this to progress right in front of your face.

Oh, Lordy!
You've got to be kidding?!?! Where did that MC get their license?? Wal-Mart?? The Dollar Store??

Well, Family Man.. I'm glad you're still here.

The talk of life insurance scares me...
I've seen too many 48 Hours Mysteries.

Well... I'm just glad to see you here. Hopefully, someone will have more great advice for you.

I was thinking when you said that she didn't see the problem w/ texting him... during my wayward days, I thought that too. Accused my hubby of being jealous and that it was innocent. BUT... I would always talk to OM when hubby wasn't around. Hello.. that was a clue it wasn't so innocent.

LIES, LIES, LIES.... It's been 16 months since Dday for him and I know I still haven't fully regained his trust. (my infidelity was in 2002, but I just fessed up in 2007) And, I don't blame him.. I'm just thankful to God for giving me such a loving husband when I soooo don't/didn't deserve it! And, I was such a bleepin' idiot to think that the grass was greener on the other side.... WRONG! I praise the Lord for delivering me from that sinful path that I was on.
Seriously, looking back.. I have no idea what I was thinking. I wasn't in love with the OM... nor did I want a life w/ him. It was just the thrill/fun of it all I think. Scary to think I was so dumb, blind, stupid, idiotic...geez.

Keep your ears and eyes open. Don't just sit back and let her "have her cake and eat it, too". Sounds like she may be gonna play the "midlife crisis" as her excuse when she's busted. Almost like she'll say.." well, I tried to tell you I wasn't happy...blah, blah, blah..I showed you that website... blah, blah, blah". Stay strong & I'll be prayin' for ya my anonymous friend!

And, seriously, I'm trying not to be hard on your wife. I really hope that she'll do the right thing and get away from this damaging relationship she's in w/ OM.. no matter how far it's gone. Your marriage, You & Your children deserve better.


Oneflesh

I agree with the others to drop the MC. He is doing more harm than good - because he is putting a gloss of respectability on your wife's affair.

Around here, we use the term "cake-eater" to describe the behavior of a wayward spouse who is carrying on an active affair, often in front of the betrayed spouse, while at the same time trying to stay involved with (and in control of) the marriage. Your wife used that exact term today, and I am positive that is exactly what she meant. She has you and the family as a safety net, and the OM as an "exciting new adventure". That's great for her, but not for you. And it isn't really great for her, either, because if she doesn't end the affair in time she will have trashed your marriage... and if she does end the affair, she will still have to grieve the loss of the feelings she has now.

I looked at the MLC board you pointed to. I think you can find some help there, but I have to say I was very depressed... the husband's board seemed to be a much more hopeless place than MB, because they didn't seem to have any plans for saving the marriage. The coping strategy for most of them seemed to be to detach from the wife and wait it out. That's similar to the MB "Plan B", but Plan B here comes after attempting a Plan A.

I was thoroughly depressed reading the wives' board. Apart from a few of the women there, who said they'd "come out the other side", it was essentially reading active wayward wives. Some of it was instructive, but at least some of it was WWs dishing about their OM. (On the upside, the moderator and the board management and maybe a couple of the members seem to have their heads on straight, so it may be useful for wives...)

Anyway, I think you can find some help there in terms of understanding what your wife is thinking... but in terms of fighting the affair, which will give your marriage a fighting chance to survive her MLC, I think you really should look at Plan A (and later, if necessary, Plan B). I've seen the MB plans work for hundreds of people, including many MLCs, and I think you will find it healthier in terms of your own mental well-being to have a plan, and work a plan. You'll be taking steps to take back control of the situation and of your own life.

familyman, it's your marriage too. You also get to have a say in how things turn out. Plan A allows you to stand up and say that you're not letting the marriage go down the tubes without a fight... and at the same time it allows you to not be a doormat. Your MC's plan has you as a doormat. He is lending his professional credentials to the "cake-eating" your wife is going through, and justifying her activity in her mind.

Much better off to talk to the Harleys, read up on stuff here, and implement a strong Plan A.

Keep posting! And be the rock for your young children... they are also victims here, and deserve better than what their mother is giving them.

familyman,

If you have access to her computer look into Webwatcher. It is a keylogger plus a web tracker and it covers IM's as well. You install it on her computer and can monitor it from anywhere. A pretty good security blanket for $100.

Hey familyman,

How are things going?

We're here for you...hope all is going ok.

HTM

family man
1. kudos to you for staying stong for your kids and family
2. get some therapy to build your self esteem
3. gently but firmly let your wife know that you love her and that she has responsibilities to her 4 kids and you
4. re establish your leadership position in your family
5. let her know that she needs to stop communicating with thsi other guy..
right now your wife is drifing into an affair..
an apartment??? late nite texting???earning extra money selling insurance... COME ON!!!
that is CRAP
put the breaks on that
and YOU get another therpist's opionion ..
all the best
jerseyboy

I'm in recovery now. She says she wants to work on the marriage but can't let go of the anger and resentment of what has caused the affair. I have ordered 2 of the Surviving an Affair books and going to try my best. Thanks for all your support

Glad to hear she says she's chosen the marriage. You'll want to make sure she is being transparent and not contacting OM in secret. The book "Surviving an Affair" ought to help. I hope her MLC stuff is working out, too.

We're here for you, for support and for specific advice. Come on over when you need us.

The day after I confronted her about the PA she had already opened a new account and was emailing him. She was kinda breaking it off but still telling him it would hurt to lose his friendship. After reading the articles about her withdrawal from him I confronted again and said that there is no chance are marriage is going to work if she doesn't cut it off. Told her that I would know sooner of later. Plan A is not really working. She has cut off all communication with her family and only talks to me, counselor, her BF, and the kids. I think she knows she can't hide and is cutting it off.

Did you expose the affair?

Did she read anything from that MLC site you linked to? The author of that book and the female mod there were both adamant about NO AFFAIRS. If she really thinks she is going thru MLC, do you think she is taking any of their advice?

She has looked at the MLC website. I ordered the book a week ago but still haven't got it. We got the Surviving an Affair books yesterday. She is still in contact with him. I saw on her computer she logged in to IM and typed her phone number and then typed KLAD. Don't know what that is. What do I do? I plan on telling her I know but I don't know what to say except you are going to blow your marriage and everyone is going to suffer.

Did you expose the affair?