I would love to have input from anyone out there who can relate:

My stepson is 21 years old, married, with 2 kids: age 4 and 1. He is a Marine, currently serving in Afghanistan. This is his second deployment – last year he was in Iraq for 7 months.

He has only been gone about 4 weeks. Last Monday his wife told him, by phone, that she wants a D. She has the paper work to fill out, and she wants to mail it to him while he is in Afghanistan, and he needs to sign it right away and send it back. She is really sorry to tell him this while he is over there, but she has been thinking about if for a long time, and it is for the best. He doesn’t treat her right, and she is done with him. She is going to leave everything in the house for him; all she wants is her clothes and the kid’s beds.

He was, of course, devastated. He called his dad, sobbing. It took him totally by surprise.

I INSTANTLY knew that there must be an OM. She still has not come forward with this info. She is currently staying on base at 29 Palms, CA, and we are in Oregon, so I can’t spy on her.

About a week went by, and he called us to say that he was going to be “pushing out” for a while, and would not be able to call for a while. He called her to tell her this as well, and her response was “I am still planning to send you the papers, please sign them”

I am FURIOUS at this point! He is calling to say that he is going to be in harms way for a while, and all she can say is “please sign the papers”. Then she tells him “I love you but I’m not in love with you” and proceeds to re-write history. Says that his family hates her, that we do not support her, you name it.

Still no confession about an OM.

At this point, not many people know what is happening yet. Yesterday, my sister in law called to chat with her – totally unaware. Of course she got an earful. Daughter-in-law assumed we had told everyone, and made hr out to be a monster. She shared with my SIL that she has moved out of their base housing, and is living with “friends” -another couple, their baby, plus two other single Marines. A total of 5 adults, 3 kids, in a 2BR house. I have no way to verify if she is truly living there (and why?). My H suspects she has moving in with an OM and made up this story (but why?)

I guess I am just looking for input. Still no confession about an OM – but don’t you all agree with me, that there is no doubt??? Otherwise, why the urgency to D?

Also – we have instructed son to tell her that he will not sign anything until he comes home, and gets a lawyer to look at it.

I am so angry with her. I am looking for people to remind me how this will play out.

This is tragic WOF.
Suggest you reach out for RIF asap, as he is also in Afghanistan.

If your DIL is moved into quarters with another Marine, his command will look very negatively on this.

RIF's the guy who can tell you the in's and out's of how to handle this.

OTOH, your SS may want to consider whether he really want's to spend the rest of his life with a women of so few boundaries.

I'm so sory for what you and SS are going thru. She could have at least had the decency to wait till he returns home.

So sad,

All Blessings,
Jerry

This is horrible! But the good news is I believe there is a Federal statute that says an active duty soldier is not required to participate in divorce proceedings while he's gone. In other words, she can't divorce him while he's there. Someone else just recently asked this question and I think RIF told them that. Hopefully RIF will be along to help.

That is simply awful and I think you are absolutely right that she is having an affair. I think your best bet is to hire a PI if you can afford it to get proof. He will hopefully be able to find out the identity of the OM and if he is a marine, you can then expose to his command, who will most likely stick their boot so far up his butt that he will never talk to her again.

WOF,

I am sorry to hear this. I think you should suggest to your son, that he contact both the base chaplain and perhaps a unit commander, even base commander to find out what is going on.

If he cannot do this, you as his parents could make such a contact. I would also suggest that perhaps a PI, might be of use in this case. These are your grandchildren and you want them protected.

I am sure your son's W is young and she has no idea what he is going through over there. Nor the danger he is in. There is a poster on here sometims RIF that you make call out to. He currently is in Afhgan right now. He could probably offer you very good advice about this.

Remember you do have the right to make sure your grandchildren are being properly taken care of, and I think the authorities on base will take a very dim view of one of their troops in a combat zone having to deal with this. Make the call would be my suggestion.

God Bless,

JL

We have not gotten any official info yet about what she can, and can not do while he is there, but we were pretty sure that she could not force the issue while he was gone.

Part of me would like to see her sit in front of a judge and explain "Your honor, the reason my H is not here is because he is in Afganistan, but I really need to get this done before he gets back". Just so the judge can chew her out.

After that last call, when he was calling before he goes out in the field, I wanted to call her up and say "leave him the he11 alone until he gets home!!!!"

But I will not call her. I do not wnat to make things even harder for him.

He is still in that phase where he doesn't want anyone to know, he hopes she will change her mind, and it will all blow over.
We have at least gotten info from him about his bank account, and access codes, so that my H can whatch his account for him.
And, we have told him that any time she brings up the subject of D papers, he is to say "I am not going to sign anything until I get home, and see a lawyer" and we have assured him that we will pay for the lawyer.

My H had 2 conversations with her last week - very calm, and she did say "I have the paper work to fill out, but there is all this crap on there about where the kids are going to spend every holiday, and I don't care about that, I am going to fill that out"

So I really do not think she will follow through with filling out any paper work, and sending it. She obviously does not understand the reality of parenting plans, and that sort of thing. and if she hires a lawyer, I am hoping that someone will advise her to wait until he returns. but who knows for sure.

the thought of hiring a PI has crossed my mind.

contact both the base chaplain and perhaps a unit commander, even base commander to find out what is going on.

this is a good suggestion. I had not thought of contacting someone at the base to have them look into it.

How do I find RIF???

WOF,

I would modify the title of this thread to include "RIF can you help me?"

Just remember the folks in his command KNOW that this type of thing will distract your son, and distraction is very very dangerous where he is right now. I think they will/should seek to help you and thus your son with regard to knowing what is going on.

God Bless,

JL

changing subject line to call out for RIf
thank you everyone.

I thought I changed the subject line, but it doesn't show the change.
anyone know how to do it??

Try going to your first post in the thread and editing the subject.

You have to edit your first post to change the thread title.

WofF5,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think we can all be sure that there is an OM involved.

Maybe RIF can find your son and tutor him on the fine art of MB. Sounds like they are both in the same country, so maybe they will be near each other.

You may have to start another thread. I tried to change the title in mine and couldn't do it either. I read somewhere that this was a flaw in the recent upgrade.

We've missed you here WofF5. Wish you were back under better circumstances....

Your best bet is to hire a PI for him and find out who OM is. Hopefully, it is another member of the armed forces, so OM's commanding officer can put an end to this affair.

Hi WOF,

Sorry to hear that your son is having to deal with this while he's over here.

All of the reports that I'm getting are that the Marines are really cleaning up the TB down south when they can corner a bunch of them... I hope they kill a ton of them so we can all go home!

I'll check with our legal counsel to double check, but I believe that your son is protected from any civil court proceedings while he's deployed. In other words, he does NOT have to sign anything while he's deployed.

I agree that you should contact your son's rear detachment commander and the base chaplain. Let them know that who you are and that your main issue is the safety and wellbeing of your grandchildren.

I would also suspect that the story of her "moving out" of government quarters is just a cover so the DIL can shack-up... she might not be staying there, but I'll bet that if you start asking around, that you'll find that she's assigned to the quarters because your son, as the sponsor, would have to agree to vacate them.

If your DIL is shacking-up with another Marine, then the military can probably take care of that problem for you by ordering them apart... so my first suggestion would be to contact the Rear-D Commander and let him/her know whats going on and ask for their help...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thank goodness RIF is on call.

My understanding is that the Servicemember's Civil Relief Act will protect your s-son from divorce proceedings. He needs to let his wife know that he doesn't do divorce. If he should get any kind of papers, he needs to have his CO answer that he is serving in Afghanistan and unable to appear.

He does need to check with his SJA or JAG for legal counsel for advice on what to do. I'm concerned because he most likely signed a power of attorney before leaving, and may want to revoke that somehow. No telling what choices his wife will make.

Also he might want to change his life insurance to his dad's name to protect his children in case something happened. I changed mine on D-day. I had no plans to let my WS and OW live it up on my dime.

I would also contact the housing office just to be sure that no other man was living in his family quarters. That occasionally happens, and the office will make short work of that.

Excellent advice Believer!!!

I didn't even think about the SGLI or the POA... I'd revoke the POA and change the SGLI to someone else ASAP.

WOF - If your son is in Kabul, then I could probably look him up... I suspect that he's down south since that's where all of the kinetic activity is going on...

If your son has access to e-mail, you can find my e-mail address in my profile... I will be glad to e-mail him when he gets back from his mission...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hope you are doing well, RIF. Deployment is a huge strain on families. It is a sacrifice for the warfighter and for those at home.

Prayers going up for all those who are keeping us free.

Hey RIF, glad you could respond.

WOF, I too am active duty military and echo what RIF and others have said.

Your stepson should NOT sign ANYTHING while deployed..period. He might be so devastated that he might somehow feel bullied into doing so...and that is the absolute wrong thing to do.

Google "Servicemembers Cival Relief Act"

Something IS up at home, and he does need to contact the chaplain get support from his chain of command.

Being the spouse of a deployed servicmember is not easy...and can set an environment that more easily supports an A for those who do not have the strength, maturity and commitment to stick it out.

Best of luck!

L2F

Wow! so many great posts.
I sit at my desk and cry
I am usually too busy in the morning to go to the MB web site, so it took me a while to catch up thsi afternoon.
Believer, you hit a nail on the head:
I'm concerned because he most likely signed a power of attorney before leaving, and may want to revoke that somehow. No telling what choices his wife will make.


He did, indeed, sign the POA. He is gradually reaching the "now I am mad" stage, but currently, he is still in the "I will do anything to save my M" stage. A scary place to be, and we have all been there.

L2F. Another great suggestion:
Google "Servicemembers Cival Relief Act"

Being in Portland Oregon, I wasn't sure where to start getting info. this is a great place to start.

RIF-
God Bless You for all that you do!!
we are not sure where he is right now. all he said was "we are pushing out for awhile, and we are going into a bad place"
He tells us this. then he calls his wife and tells her the same thing, and her response was "I am still sending you the papers." and he asks how she is doing and her response is "Oh, I went camping with friends this weekend and we had SUCH A GREAT TIME!!"

Please allow me to a vent for a minute. What kind of woman treats her H that way!!! You do not treat your H like that - or anybody for that matter. he is at war - and she is talking about how much fun she had camping on the weekend. I am so mad I could explode. I told my H that it is a good thing she is not around here. I am capable of doing her harm.

She has said all of the crappy little things a WS says.The only thing missing here, is the name of the OM.

Of course, I have reminded myself that God is in charge. He knows what the furture holds. This whole situation could end in a much better M for them, a closer walk with Jesus, and stronger union. I know that is possible.

The other day, I was thinking to myself "Why? Why did this happen within the first month he was gone, and now he must spend the next 6 months worrying". and the thought occurs to me, that she could have carried on an A the whole time he was gone, in secret.
She could have hidden it from him, and let the whole thing die a natural death while he was gone. he could have come home, never knowing what happened while he was gone. After all, I truly believe her A will die within the next 6 months. She could have kept her dirty little secret then. But now he knows that something is up. No confession of A - yet - but the truth will come out soon. And this way, he will know what battle he is fighting with her.
If she had kept this secret - He would have spent years knowing that something was wrong - but not knowing what. Now, it will all come out, and perhaps they will D. Perhaps she is not capable of being faithful. If so, move on.
Or, perhaps they will be able to fully cleanse the wound. At least this way, we all know what the wound is.

Ok, back of my soap box now.