Sorry, melody, I thought that trip was this weekend and he was back from it.

Carry on.

The trips on friday back sunday,plan to expose on the monday. W is very angry in house she is ok around children and when we are doing jobs. i thing she has finished with OM, is this part of giving up, the angry stage. Or it could all be plan just to keep me quiet until children have finised exams and then leave and so she can spin the story. I can find out for sure on wednesday i know she usually sees him then, during the day, I will check

Bro, can you write the letter and get it ready to arrive at Human Resources next Monday? if you send it certified on Friday, it will arrive on Monday.

I don't know what her mood is about. Their moods are as changeable as a falling down drunk. It might be entirely different tomorrow.

Mel, she says she's more unhappy now than she ever has been, is this part of letting go of the OM. I have asked her what she has said to him and she said its none my business. I didn't want to push it as we have both had a couple of hard days. I think she is trying to let go but finding it hard. I did say she needed to leave her job, she's just come home and said she isn't leaving!!!

Regarding exposure, if she has finished A with OM do I still need to expose the A. I am just checking I will still do it, if its the right thing to do.

Bro, if she is still working there, the affair IS NOT OVER. It might be in a lull, but it is not over. They probably had a fight.

I really want to commend you on your good instincts about being open and honest with her. look for opportunities this week to be the NICE GUY since there is trouble in paradise.

by finishing the A - is she recommitting to the marriage? If she still plans to announce her plans to D then she could be gas lighting you into acceptance and hook up with OM when things clear.


Thats barometer I would go by - to expose or not.

p.s. I would be real sympathetic tonight and tell her you are so sorry she is so down. Go rub her back or ask her if you can fetch her a hamburger or some ice cream from the store. Now is the time for you to SHINE while the OM looks like a scumbag.

This might seque nicely into your weekend trip. We will see.

W says she is stopping with me and finishing with OM. However she says there will be no sex, and once the children have gone to bed she is in different room reading.This is since our big argument on saturday, when she wanted to go to OM house and i said it was very disrespectful to me and the children. Prior to this she would talk to me show interest in my welfare etc, now she seems to have totally switched off from me emotionally.

I think she is still contact with OM, should I confront her about this? What should I say?

Bro, just bide your time and stick with your plan. Weekend trip and then exposure. Then the cookie will start to crumble and we can help you work on saving your marriage.

Don't listen to her talk, she is a falling down drunk who doesnt knwo what she wants. Her story changes from day to day as you have seen. Just be nice, pleasant and be firm if she is abusive. Don't be needy or demanding.

W is still seeing om all thou she is now hiding it from me. I did check her phone she said she had sent a text to a friend it had been deleted. I am finding it quite difficult not to say anything to her about R when she says she has stopped seeing him. I know I need to stick to my plan of exposure and I have allowed for time off work to do this on Monday as I intend to do it personally to as many people as possible, I think this will have more impact.
I do keep getting negative thoughts about exposing the A as my W can be very stubborn and I thinking that she will have to justify her A and stick to it and this doesn’t leave her with any way to save face .
Anyway I am off to the gym for a good workout and I am going to be as pleasant as possible and try to have a good weekend, if I can. There will be lots to drink and this may be a problem, I am likly to say something about R to her

Bro, if I had a dollar for every BS who came here and told me his WS was "stubborn" I would be a millionaire. They are ALL stubborn, it makes no difference. Exposure ruins the affair, regardless of how how stubborn the WS is.

I am GLAD your W has taken the affair underground. Your tolerance of her brazen behavior was not helpful to your marriage. She needs to hide her dirty affair under a rock where it belongs. She now understands that others view her affair as filth that needs to be hidden from decent ppl. That is a great message to send to a WS.

Ok, are you getting all your #s and names lined up for the big exposure next Monday? What about exposures on the OM's side? Do you have his parents info?

Being forced to justify her affair to others will help her see how filthy she looks through the eyes of others. When she sees how awful and silly she looks to others, her fantasy will begin to crumble. When she is not forced to explain herself, it only PROTECTS the fantasy. Reality will start to seep in and she will start to question her affair too.

Another key thing is that the OM will likely behave badly towards her once there is pressure applied to the affair. See, he does not care about your wife, and most OM are not going to fool with some conflict. He will probably start showing his true colors to her. He will question the value of this little piece of fun when called in for an explanation by the Vice President.

Really good point. Make sure part of this exposure is to OM's work or wife, so that he starts associating grief with your W.

Bro, if you think drinking could be a problem this weekend then don’t drink. An ugly scene won’t help; it will undermine the purpose of your weekend. Not to mention that this is someone’s wedding!

It’s going to be a tough weekend Bro. She is going to be sneaking off to call or Text OM. You should be prepared for that in advance. Your plan is to use the weekend to deposit love units. Stick to the plan, keep it light, be fun. And then, boom! Exposure on Monday. Don’t let her behavior ruin your plan.

Thanks everyone for the support, OM is d already, I do know his ex and she works for same company, but different department and building,but she is on my list. I am struggling with om parents but I am making some enquires that might pay off. Do I expose to my side of family? my parents will probably try to persude me to D her. Also I don't propose to tell the children if i don't need to, if the initial exposure works I would like to spare them any suffering. Or should I tell them?

Once i have exposed the A, what do i say to W when she confronts me? And how long is she likly to be mad at me? She is still mad from the fight at the weekend.

Yes


You very much NEED to tell the kids. BY YOURSELF. If you don't tell them the truth, they will be given LIES by your WW. They need the true facts about the affair and they need your moral guidance. Kids can handle the truth, they cannot handle LIES. It is in their best interest to know the truth so they can understand what is happening here and protect themselves. They can tell something bad is going on and they need honesty and openess in order to deal with it.


They are usually FURIOUS for a few days and make all manner of threats: "I was going to work on the marriage, now I'm not," "how could you be so mean?" blah, blah, blah, blah, we have heard them ALL! PAY THEM NO MIND!

Just view her threats and rantings in the same way you would if you had just turned on the lights in a crack house and brought in a crowd. The crack head will be LIVID!! Smoking crack will no longer be fun!! He is furious because you have ruined his high!

That is exactly how it is. So, just expect it, prepare for it but most of all, don't let it scare you. The anger always blows over.

When she explodes on you, just tell her: "I'm sure sorry you are upset, but others had a right to know about the affair, too." No point in trying to use reason with a person who has LOST ALL REASON.

Amen to that Melody!!

Listen to Melody on this, Bro. I didn't want to expose to the kids either for fear of hurting them. We have 3 and they are all my stepchildren.

But I did, thanks to Melody's encouragement. And you know what? They KNEW something was going on with us and with him, they just didn't know WHAT. They even thought that THEY had done something and their father was upset with them about it.

So: YES, YES, YES...by ALL MEANS...TELL your children!!!

I will tell the children, what about my parents and family should i tell them, they are likly to want me t d her

I would only tell your parents at this point. Does she have any close friends that are supportive of your marriage? What about siblings?

I think the most powerful exposures will be likely be: employer, her parents, his parents.