I think the main thing at this point is to protect myself leagally...

I could sign the car over to her... but... I really don't think she'll register it here... or in her name only... at least not right away.... She doesn't have the money...

Or... I can try and reposess it again...

Or... I can re-title it (in my brothers name) ... Remove the license plate ... then report it as stolen... (Yes I'm devious when I want to be...)

When POSOM drives it... he'll get pulled over... and then .... ooops... no drivers license...stolen car... Doh!

LOL

Amazin,

"It may have felt good for a minute... but it didn't do anything to recover their marriage."

It would sure make the vehicle un-drivable, correct?

I'm sure it would... And right now making my car un-drivable/un-fixable may be a wiser choice for me than making POSOM un-fixable...

And I have a very strong desire to do that right now...

If you are legally separated, the car should be addressed in the separation agreement as an asset. 250 bucks would have been better spent on your attorney than an attempted tow.

Thanks for the advice...

There is no legal separation in this state....


I'm not filing for divorce because that's the advice I got from my attorney.

A real Sh*ty catch 22 situation ... don't you think...

Amazin...sorry dude...

I feel somewhat responsible for suggesting this course of action, but I did NOT understand that the car was in BOTH of your names...a completely different situation.

Were you there w/ the tow truck? What was the nature of the confrontation w/ police, or do you know firsthand?

OK, you are where you are... I would strongly suggest NOT acting on your instincts or feelings right now, because the police could get involved again, and that could very DEFINITELY affect your position at work.

Have you engaged your chain of command on this? I would strongly suggest not keeping them in the dark about your situation.

I have had sailors under my command who managed to get themselves into all kinds of trouble (usually with a woman) and by the time it got to me it was too late.

You need some allies and support. Have you talked to your chaplain? Your legal officer? The CMC? XO?

L2F

Don't feel responsible. You’re not. I am!

I made a decision… I asked for advice here... I asked for advice from family... friends... co-workers...attorneys... And I prayed for guidance from God...

The decision that I made wasn’t because I wanted to piss my wife off… or screw her out of a car… It was to let her know where my boundary is… Her boyfriend driving that car was crossing another boundary of mine and I wasn’t having it…

So…even if it didn’t turn out the way I planned … I sent a message to her… and now she knows that it’s a boundary of mine… I see it as a good step for me…. In the past I would not have said anything and it would have eaten me up… I’m still very aggravated… but at least she knows that I will take that car if I see him driving it.

I haven’t done anything illegal… I wasn’t there… just the tow truck driver…. The only thing keeping him from taking it was my WW…. I hired him to tow it… I’m a legal owner of the vehicle…(along with my wife) the police even said that I had a legal right to the vehicle. So if I take it in the middle of the night … there’s nothing she can do about it… Hence… she’s hidden it…

My chain of command knows about my situation… LCPO ... Div. O ...Dept. LCPO ...Dept. Head. ... CMC ...They all know… I haven’t talked directly to the XO or CO… I don’t think that it’s proper … unless asked specifically by them… But everyone between me and the XO knows…

I have a good support group... Family, friends from church, fellow Chiefs and officers...

I do need to talk with the Chaplin... Just to touch base with him.

And most importantly...I have all you MB people... Thank you everyone for your support...

I know I'm frustrating to many of you ... thank you for being patient with me...

Shipmate,

Just so you are aware of other options cheaper than towing and having the dealership recode a key.

I lost my chipped key. I had a locksmith come to the car and create (2) new keys for $150.00, I believe a single would have cost $100.00.

Much cheaper than towing to the dealership, and they did it on site in approx 30 minutes.

So, now you need a one hour window of alone time with the car a locksmith appointment (verify he/she can code and print a chipped key), then you drive it off.

Just another option.

-JKT

So. . . you gotta calm down. It sounds like you are.

Any decision you make while you're in the middle of a trigger (which is where you are, even if you are the one who initiated it) is likely to be bad.

You did it. It may not have worked out the way you wanted, but it's done. Spending time rehashing the decision or wondering how she's reacting to it or anything like that isn't going to be particularly helpful to you at the moment.

Try to put it away and do something for yourself. What about hitting golf balls or going to a batting cage or the like? Some vigorous exercise, maybe.

Trust me, I have been there and know how hard it is to put this crap away, but the sooner you can develop the skill to do it, the happier a person you will be.

Thanks... I'll keep that in mind...

Right now I don't know where she's hidden it...

Thanks... I know... I'm trying to calm down... I'm trying to keep my cool...

It's hard, especially when I've been fighting this urge to beat the living tar out of POSOM... I'm a ball of angry energy that's as jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs...

Everything you've done with the COC is perfect, but most skippers have an open door poilcy, and encourage their sailors to be proactive in reaching out for assistance.

Having some personal dialog with the skipper should not hurt, it could certainly help you out later if command assistance is required.

Talk you your DH and CMC first, but DO NOT feel you are out of line requesting 10 minutes of the CO's time.

-JKT

Have you considered hiring a PI who is also a cop or ex-cop and has connections with the police dept? You could have the PI find out when POS unlicense boyfriend is driving drunk and have the police pull him over and arrest him. They may or may not impound the car at that point. If they do impound the car, you can then go to the tow yard and tell them you lost your key and have a locksmith come there and make you a key. You should be able to do this as long as you have proof that you are the legal owner. This way POS would be in legal trouble that he rightly deserves if he is driving drunk and you could get the car back. It would be costly and I don't know your financial situation, but it is just an idea I had.

t/j Salute to all the military guys here. I appreciate your service. I was haze gray and underway on super sara back in the 80's

I understand what you're saying...

As a military courtesy... the people above me in my COC should have an opportunity to solve any problem I have before it gets to the XO or CO level. (Regardless of whether it's a personal or professional problem)

If I had a young sailor with a problem… and they went directly to the CO… (Did an end and around without giving me an opportunity to handle it at the lowest level)… I’d be somewhat upset… to say the least… along with everyone else in-between that young sailor and the CO…

Open door policy doesn’t really mean that… And I learned that the hard way during initiation… I bypassed the initiation Chief… I pulled the end and around to the CMC… Got my A$$ handed to me in a room full of Chiefs (about 50 or 60 of them). But it was a good lesson for me… It’s all about TRUST…

Cantletitgo...

Great Idea...LOL...

just wanted to say....

Thank you

to everyone for your support, help and patience.

LaLa said that I've been despondent lately ... and that is a true statement... (Despondent: Hopeless, low, dejected, downhearted, downcast, unhappy, sad, pessimistic, miserable, glum.) I think a better word picture would be that I feel like an animal that has been cornered. I’m unpredictable and dangerous.

So if I’ve said anything that has been harsh, mean or ugly to any of you (And yes Jim this means you too)

I am truly sorry.

I’m emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted... I feel like I’ve been in a 15 round prize fight. A lot of that exhaustion is from just trying to exercise some self control. In SAA it talks about the betrayed spouse staying in plan A until they can no longer control Love Busting. The betrayed spouse should go into plan B to protect themselves from the affair and protect any love they have for their spouse.

I’m there... If I don’t separate myself from the affair I won’t be able to control myself...

Hey Amazin'

Regardless of what you do next re WW, you need to take a break from all this...for YOU.

Take a break from WW's nutty reality.

Are you working out?

Are you eating right?

Are you spending time w/ friends? Kids?

Enjoy your weekend and do not think about your situation.

Take care of some chores you've been meaning to do.

Take a break, brother...

It is obvious to anyone who has followed your progress that you are a man with principles and a man with compassion. You are a man who is intelligent and capable of making sense of complicated situations.

Now you are exhausted.
It is time to re-fuel.

You are a human being. A wonderful one at that !

When the boulder you have been struggling to push uphill will not budge, it's time to make other plans.

You build some very strong muscles with your effort, it has not been for nothing.

Please, do not fall into despair. Be sad because the situation is sad, but do not despair. Life is still good. You are still good. Time to reflect on your accomplishments. Time to reflect on what you have learned. Time to reflect on acknowledging what is ... is.

Sunsets are still beautiful.
The food you prepare is still tasteful and nourishing.
Your life has meaning and purpose.
People love admire and respect you.
It is what it is, and you are what you are. A wonderful person.

Prayers

Pep