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Hopefully, my kids will judge me by my WRONGDOING [which was GREAT] but also judge me by my redemptive actions.
yes? Er, You know what you intended to say. Did you mean that your kids can judge you by your wrongdoing provided they also judge you by your redemptive actions OR that your wrongdoing was GREAT  Larry Well, my wrongdoing was GREAT! But they should judge me for my actions, the good, the bad and the ugly. That is WHO I am. I accept that, although I do not like some of it. I LIKE who I became and live comfortably in this skin today. If I am going to be judged for the good, then I have to be willing to be judged for the bad. I am a big girl and can take it. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel, I have a question I don't remember seeing addressed. Do the courts generally smile or frown on the parent who exposes the the children. Do you know of situations in which the betrayed parent is "punished by the system" for giving the children information? I just know the courts so often "get it wrong" that I wondered if anyone here has experience with this.
One reason I ask, is I was reading a book on dealing with children during infidelity last night (NOT a Harley book) which equated giving children info about adultery with emotional abuse. I am so angry I am going to try to get my money back. Is this a common belief?
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my children know the whole truth and they will continue to know the truth. i would not have it any other way.
their father doesn't like it, too bad. he has lied to them so many times. i have had to clarify to my children the lies that he and ow have told them. ow actually told them she never spent time with their dad until after he and i had split up. i simply told my children "why do you think ow's marriage did not work out?" and they said "because she cheated" and i said "and who did she cheat with?" and they were like "oh yea, so she is lying to us"
uh huh.
we are moving to the next town over by the end of june. i can't wait to get my kids out of this small town and away from their father's and ow's mounds and mounds of lies.
my kids KNOW i tell them the truth.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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KIR, I have not heard of anyone specifically getting in trouble for being truthful with their children, although it wouldn't surprise me. I have heard of parents being told not to BASH the other parent, but telling them the truth about the affair is not bashing. I have heard many sick minded WAYWARDS make idle threats about this and demand that the BS lie to the kids, but am not aware of any threats coming to fruition.
For me, as a PARENT, I would not care if a court ordered me to lie to my kids, I would not do it. They are not morally and legally responsible for my children; I AM. As a parent and Christian, I answer to a much higher power than some moral retard in the court system. I have a God given moral obligation to do so that is not superceded by a court.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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One reason I ask, is I was reading a book on dealing with children during infidelity last night (NOT a Harley book) which equated giving children info about adultery with emotional abuse. What a WARPED notion. My God. That is the same as saying it is emotional abuse to teach kids right from wrong. It is the opposite. To teach kids that adultery is AOK is emotional ABUSE and PARENTAL NEGLECT. Take it from someone who WAS RAISED LIKE THAT. It is a horrible, horrible thing to be raised not knowing right from wrong and growing up profoundly confused. To fail to teach kids rihgt from wrong is to raise little liars and cheaters who grow up believing they are entitled to seek their "happiness" at any cost. THAT is PARENTAL ABUSE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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For me, as a PARENT, I would not care if a court ordered me to lie to my kids, I would not do it. They are not morally and legally responsible for my children; I AM. As a parent and Christian, I answer to a much higher power than some moral retard in the court system. I have a God given moral obligation to do so that is not superceded by a court. If only all parents had this kind of integrity!
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i was told by my attorney, who is a very good one actually, not to talk to my kids about the affairs. i said i don't talk to them "about" it but they know about them. they knew BEFORE i did!
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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i was told by my attorney, who is a very good one actually, not to talk to my kids about the affairs. i said i don't talk to them "about" it but they know about them. they knew BEFORE i did!
mlhb Clearly my kids did too... It astounds me that so many so-called professionals have absolutely NO idea how this adultery thing actually works... It's no different than living with an alcoholic...the lies, evasion, selfishness. Countless books have been written about the effects of alcoholism on families, and yet there are still so many who don't get that this is no different. Why doesn't Dr H recommend an intervention be conducted in the case of an A? Is it because our culture tends to blame the BS? Just curious...
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it apparently could have been used against me in court if i talked about his affairs to the kids.
bottom line is, they are how i found out about a few of them. because he took them around these women and they would all go out to dinner, etc, as "friends". he would have them play with their kids, etc.
so THAT is what i used against HIM. that is how i explained to my children how what daddy was doing was wrong. i would never lie to my kids about it, i think they NEED to KNOW so they don't repeat the behavior!
the courts can stick that in their pipes and smoke it for all i care.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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