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Re: DDay+2Yrs- Need Insight
Rob2154 #2059344 05/17/08 08:45 AM
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She does not have a sober mind whether she is drinking or not today. She has an alcoholic mind; the mind of a wayward. And she will have that until she a) is sober at least a year [it takes a year for all the alcohol to leave the brain] and b) corrects her living problem by entering a program of recovery.

In an alcoholic, parts of the brain are anesthetized for up to a year after abstinence. So while she may not drink today, her mind is not sober and her thinking is wayward.

Her attitude about her cheating is the LEAST of your problems, Rob. As long as she is an active alcoholic, she won't recover, which means the likelihood of this happening again are great. Alcoholics do tend to cheat, it comes with the territory.

She probably does not really regret her affair but knows she needs to say she does.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: DDay+2Yrs- Need Insight
MelodyLane #2059441 05/17/08 12:12 PM
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Rob2154 Offline OP
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MelodyLane,

I know you say her attitude about the affair is the least of my worries right now, but I still have a great amount of hurt around it.

I have mentioned leaving before, because of the drinking, however she just turns it around on me, saying that I'm running away, not sticking it out "for better or worse" etc. To her it is normal, and her family drinks, so I'm fighting a tough uphill battle. Besides the drinking and the affair, our Relationship is really good and we are like best friends. We are both 29 and she claims to be going through a phase right now. However I'm afraid the only thing I can do is leave her till she sobers up, but shes already told me that it will just make it worse. I'm really trying to save this marriage but I'm just not sure how.
Re: DDay+2Yrs- Need Insight
Rob2154 #2059445 05/17/08 12:16 PM
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MelodyLane Offline
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Originally Posted by Rob2154
MelodyLane,

I know you say her attitude about the affair is the least of my worries right now, but I still have a great amount of hurt around it.

I have mentioned leaving before, because of the drinking, however she just turns it around on me, saying that I'm running away, not sticking it out "for better or worse" etc.

You are taking marital advice about your future from a self serving DRUNK? crazy FOR REAL? Son, you need to wake up and start applying some common sense to this situation.

I don't have anything new to say, except to emphasize my advice about not having children with her. A drunk is NOT a suitable parent and it would be a CRIME to subject your children to this. And trust me on this, she will get worse as time goes on. Alcoholics spiral downward until something stops them.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
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