I don't think ANYONE needs to hear about the REAL YOU over there...

I recommend JUST THIRD PARTY QUOTES...ALL FLUFF..unlike what the other person is saying...

bumping for mlhb.....

mimi, you beat me to it.

the whole point of plan b is that you read NOTHING from him.
if he calls and leaves you a vmail you don't listen to it.

it is to protect you from his wayward sack of crap and to keep you focussed on YOU> as soon as you read or listen, you get sucked back in.

have him send all contact to your intermediary AND block him from emailing you. it is easy enough to do.

mlhb

LOL....now that is too funny...I was talking to TMTS about this very thing and he let me know that his DD two RATS are named Hope and Faith.....

I'm staying dark,....and yes I can see what the slip up does to ME.....its has made my day a little harder to get through...this is even harder when I was letting him do all the contacting in Plan A, because even if I knew I hadn't heard from him in a couple of days, I would soon. In this, I responde to NOTHING...except a phone call from our MC....

Jilly

But soon you'll look up one day and remember that you forgot to remember. Your life and your heart minus the drama will begin to heal. Slowly but SURELY.

Let's just say I keep TYLENOL on me at all times.

I look forward to this day myself, yes do I ever.

((((Queenie))))

You are such a dear to check in and encourage me on a day that should be tough for you. THAT in itself should tell you how strong and couragous you are......



Good evening everyone.....

Well, lets see my mood tonight is ok. DS9 had a baseball game. It was a fantastic game. They won 9-5 against a good team. It was great ball playing all around.....Thankfully it helped keep my mind occupied for awhile.

Then I got home and had a talk with DD14. That was rough. Very rough. Seems as though since confrontation day, her and I haven't really talked or spent time together. And she is really mad at us (ws and I) right now, because she thought we were heading in that direction, and now it just looks like it was a tease to her. I told to I wasn't sure what would happen, but that I love her father very much and want him home as well, but that is not possible right now.

And lets see...I did get some laundry done...my house is still in good condition, it could be better, but i am getting there. I did look great today though. The only bad part was I got a shirt to wear to my sons games with the team logo on it (no sweatshirt though....those are not "proper" GODDESS attire...nope, long-sleeved tee for me please....) and it is now too big. I ordered it in mid-jan. and I am about 17 lbs. lighter now, so it is big. Doesn't show off my waist as well as I would like, but I wore it anyway. DS would have been disappointed if I didn't.

I wish I had more to say, but to be honest, I just don't have it in me to whine about WS right now. Oh I am sure I will at some point tonight, but I am actually in a decent mood for once.....

jilly

GREAT, MS. JILLY!!

Jilly,

You STILL might want to edit your original post.... right?

You need to change the opening line in your first post...

Just a suggestion before its too late... I can only edit my post's for about 3 days after I've made them...

Too late to edit....what can I do now????

Amazin.....

Good to see you my friend...How you holding up??? You've seemed as down as I have been lately. Sorry to hear that. It really sucks when you believe in something so bad and want that, and when things don't work out the way you had hoped, it is really is a downer??? Must be those darned EXPECTATIONS everyone talks about....

Anyway, I'm hanging in there as you can see, but some days it seems like it is barely by a thread.....Glad to see you found the real me....

And though I agree with Mimi about him not getting a whiff of me at all, if WS finds this thread at least I won't know it.....

Jilly

ps...the worst part of all this is I miss my old name.....I liked that one so much better. I knew that going into this and that no matter what I came up with, it just wouldn't be the same.....sort of like my life

Good morning everyone.....

Yes I am having a terrible morning again. Like I said yesterday, the morning have always been bad, but at least before I felt like I could do something to help change my attitude, because I was working on my M. Right now, it all seems futile and hopeless. I know, the whole point of PLAN A and PLAN B were for changes for ME to make me a better person, but when you love someone so much and want something so bad and then it doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to, it is sometimes hard to even bother.....

Well, I know that speech there will cause my girl Mimi to come on here and shake me to death.....lol....

I have started to journal again. And to write letters. I know I am to think WS is "dead" to me, but I feel the need to get some of my hurt and anger out in these letters, because it will sit there and fester, and IF WS decides to truly do this, then I will have all this pent up rage inside me, which could be hazerdous to our R.

I also was thinking about the stupid password he gave me. I see now that he was throwing me a bone at this point just to say "hey I gave her X, but that wasn't good enough".....another way to show that WS just doesn't get it.....

oh well,....gonna hop in the shower and see if that doesn't help my mood out.....

jilly

Actually I like that you are getting.. "JILLY" with it...

Mimi....

That made me smile, because that is my DD11 favorite Will Smith song.....lol

Ok everyone,

I wrote out a nice long letter to my WS. Oh its not to send....it just for me. It was a reply to the 2 emails I did read. Somethings he said were bothering me, and even though I know it is all wayward speak and fogginess, it still bothered me and has for a couple of days now. In fact, Iwas mad that I am in Plan B, because I would have had some great reverse babble for some of it. Anyway, I would do this often back in Plan A, which was very useful for me, because I could get it out and move on and be able to be stronger when I would face WS again. So, I figured this would help even if I was not going to be facing WS anytime soon.

I know I am not supposed to think about him, but when those thoughts were becoming consumin I knew I had to do something, because I could see myself breaking Plan B just to have a LB feast,,,,,and that is not what I want. I'm actually kind of mad that I didn't stay with this writting because it would have helped me tremendously these last few weeks, and maybe would have helped me not to have the nasty fight we had on the cruise.....

oh well, can't cry over spilt milk anymore. Anyway, that is all. Hopefully my day can go forward now......now if only we had some dang sunshine around here.....

jilly

Hi Miss Jilly

In this painful state, it may be hard for you to see just how incredibly well you're doing. I just want to remind you that you are exhibiting extreme grace under fire, and when you think of your life....don't forget to be thankful of your intellect, presence of mind, and good piloting skills. "Loving and protective detachment" (Plan B) is very difficult to execute....but even when you've stumbled....you've picked yourself up and refocussed. Good for you. It might sound silly to say "I'm proud of you" (being a perfect stranger and all), but I am. I see the courage of a lion and the heart of recovery warrior.

Right now, your focus needs to be on recovery....specifically....YOURS.

If you can remain safely OUT of the line of fire and away from the chaos of infidelity....you can flourish with or without your husband. That doesn't mean you'll lose your yearning for him. It does mean that he won't be able to hurt you every second of every day. In those interims (which will grow longer and longer) you will find Jilly and the capacity to be happy independently from marriage and infidelity.

Happy people are simply amazingly attractive and confidence is contagious. The confidence you show in the future <despite> WH's confusion....is "catching" and inspiring. So guard your vulnerabilities....beef up your intermediary. Take the steps to block his email and anticipate his "moves" (like showing up at events). Put power back into your locus of control....because you can't control what HE does....but you can absolutely without a doubt take full control of what you do. You can ACT instead of react. You can forge a new path that isn't defined by pain and rejection.

Plan B is a time of rebuilding personal power, confidence, beauty, spirit.

Don't waste ONE minute of it thinking about what he is doing. Spend every single minute thinking about how to make your life infectious and generous. Personally, I love to see people spend Plan B doing charitable work....reaching out and growing in ways that are hampered by feelings of loss and lack of self worth. Make a difference in someone else's life....starting with your children.

Your daughter needs you. And she needs to see a woman who can THRIVE under any circumstances. Show her that she can do it too...because life is fraught with challenges and no one is immune.

Faith and Hope are not the enemy....it's where you focus those things that can be destructive.

hugs to you

star*

What a WONDERFUL Star* post!!!

I agree Mimi....Thanks Star...its good to hear from you again...and with such powerful words too....

Good morning everyone....

My computer is on the fritz...(something about a browser and cookies??? I don't know...all i do know is that I can get on here but I can't log in...so if you don't hear from me often, don't worry that its about me breaking plan B, just a puter glitch...my BIL is coming over sometime this weekend to fix it and look at it. Don't worry...this will do nothing for me where WS and I are concerned, as him and his brother have nothing to do with each other and haven't spoken in over a year....in fact I am not even sure if he knows EXACTLY what is going on....but exposing WS to him would not do any good, so I will say nothing....)

Anyway, had a hard night last night. There is was already having a hard night and then I start reading KDL thread and watching Mimi and Queens convo, and I'm thinking "is there something in the air???", or "is it something in the water???". It was nice to not be alone, but then it frusterated me to no end that we wonderful women are in this position and have no choice other than to endure it. Oh, Iknow, we will thrive and survive, but until we truly get there, the road is SO much harder than I thought.

This weekend will be a good one, as tonight I have a bday party to go to on in my family. I haven't seen anyone since the party in March (the one I told you all about....). It will be fun and there will be no drinking for me tonight, but I intend to have loads of fun. I want so bad to post this on my other thread and let WS know whats going on, but alas, I won't. I am above that...though I want to....

Anyway, I am doing ok this morning. The sun is out and shining. And since my puter gave me grief last night, I got caught up on some housework. So, today I am going to get that pedicure I need.....and heck, I may throw in a maniure as well....and then tonight I will be my shining GODDESS me and have a wonderful day......

jilly....still miss the old name....

ok guys,

I am so upset and PO'd right now....My BIL was supposed to come over and fix the computer. My DD14 set this up (they had already been discussing fixing it before she screwed it up more...) and he was supposed to come and do this tonight and then go with him to watch their kids. Anyway, she let me know that BIL said that WS was NOT ALLOWING him to come and fix our computer. Now, WS had let me know in the one of the emails I did read that he had instructed his family to not have anything to do with me. BUT him and BIL haven't talked in over a year.

First off,,,,,WTF ...is this??? I am just so pissed that he would do something so childish. Secondly, bringing the kids in the middle of this???? COME ON.....and yes he will look at this like "good, now she can see how it feels....". I am so mad I am not even making sense right now.....

And yes, he may THINK I will break Plan B for this, but I will not. ....if anything it is just pushing me that much closer to filing for a D and being done with the whole dang thing. I am sick of this crap. I DID NOT DO THIS....I DID NOT HAVE THE AFFAIR....I DID NOT CONTINUE CONTACT WITH MY LOVER.....

guys, this is just terrible....I am just so angry and that makes the pain of this surface some more.