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and now we are trying for the 6th time but he is not in favor of counseling and does not like "being checked up on...". Val, Did you have any conditions for coming out of Plan B other than end the affair? See, in your Plan B letter you were supposed to have conditions in there such as attending counseling and giving up all passwords and accounts. Only when WH met these conditions should you have come out of Plan B. It really doesn't matter if he isn't in favor of counseling or doesn't like being "checked" up on (I mean really???!!!! It would taken quite a bit of control to say to him that you don't like being CHEATED on......  )......there is NO POJA when it comes to WH extraordinary precations. His past behavior (the affair) superceeds that..... I strongly suggest you tell him that he must meet these. If he doesn't or REFUSES then I would return to Plan B, because you are only setting yourself up for another FR........and much PSTD..  not2fun
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not2fun, and this underscores the point you were trying to make to schtoop about the "180." The Harleys do not recommend the 180 and this is why. It is basically "PLAN C." And as we have seen over the years, it doesn't work. I would have weighed in and supported your point but I didn't feel like:   BTW, I think I've finally "got it". The whole discussion was quite helpful, as is this plan "C" discussion. Thanks.
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I left my husband a month ago and that seemed to have spurned him into action about getting me back (though I left because I'd had enough of his waffling after 7 months) and now we are trying for the 6th time but he is not in favor of counseling and does not like "being checked up on...". So, it looks like we've somehow slipped into a Plan C. Val, you don't need his "favor" to check up on him. He should NEVER KNOW. It isn't snooping if they know, and it isn't worthwhile if they don't know.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
BTW, I think I've finally "got it". The whole discussion was quite helpful, as is this plan "C" discussion.
Thanks. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm glad I found this Plan C thread! It has been very helpful. I've glanced around the site (in between classes) but is there any sort of format or template anywhere for creating a Plan B letter? If not, I'm sure I have plenty to say!  And what I mean by checking up on WH is looking at our cell phone records, etc. No email snooping or anything. If I notice something odd, I'll ask him about it. He doesn't like it. The other night I was trying to reach him at home and the house phone just rang and rang and when he finally called back on his cell, explained that he had unplugged the land lines except for one upstairs to "save energy". After we hung up, I tried the land line just to make sure. He answered the phone clearly annoyed that I was "just making sure".
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![[Linked Image from cool-smileys.com]](http://www.cool-smileys.com/images/52.gif) Botany, Read this thread!
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This is a good one.
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bumpity bump... by the way I am not sure how I feel about being called BSs.... :P
Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.
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Lol, I just plan c'd big time! I looked on his facebook and found out he' s on another dinner cruise with OW. Yeah, the only person this info hurts is me. They don't have a care in the world.
plan b, plan b, plan b..........I.m gonna reapeat this in my head all night, maybe I'll get it through my thick head!!
Together 8 yrs
M 3yrs
A began Aug 27, 2010
Dday Sept 9, 2010
Didn't know about Plan A, LBd big time
Currently in Plan B since 5/9/11
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Maybe you could take up a timewaster. Knitting, a videogame...something like that, that you reach for every time you're tempted to check his FB or something.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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paraphrased quotes from 5/4/2010 radio show:
"What is Plan C?
It is a compromise. I never recommend Plan C. Plan A is you do the best to win your spouse back.
Plan B is you have absolutely nothing to do with the spouse.
Those 2 are the best strategies in an affair. They give you the best shot at saving the marriage.
Plan C, which I don't ever recommend is a compromise is an inbetween state where you are in contact but the contact is not solving the problem.
Plan C makes it more likely you will end up divorced. Some contact but not quality contact. This is a BAD PLAN. It is better to have no contact." Good quote.
Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.
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I know this an older thread but very informative thread. I just wanted to add the radio clips of Dr. H talking about Plan C. 1st Segment talking about Plan A an Plan B Radio clip on Plan C
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Bumping for all those out there who are still enabling their spouse's affairs
~RQ
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/13/12 08:55 AM.
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Bumping up because I thought I was out of Plan C, but just realized I still am.
Waiting on Dr. H's reply to see if I go into Plan B this week.
This is useful for new people such as I.
BW: 23
FWH: 24
Married: 3 years, together 7.
DS: 6
D-Day: 7/15/2013
Separated since 7/15/13
Recovering since 8/26/2013
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Bumping again for those who waste so much time and effort and PEACE wondering "What is he/she thinking??"
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After talking with Susan the Harleys explain what plan C is. Then an off air caller asks why do people even have an affair in the first place. Radio Clip about Plan C
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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