Ok, Abandoned,

I have a few things for you to do.

First take previous advice and get a PI to watch OM and your W tomorrow night, perhaps tonight. You know where she lives and he can probably obtain some very good information. Make the call NOW.

Next, sit down and do a time line of this from the best of your knowledge and that of your In-laws, friends where ever you have obtained information.

Look at the time line your W gave you. Now look at all of them and see where there are gaps. See if what their employeers know is correct, see if you need more intel about timing.

In short, start to figure out where your gaps of knowledge really are. And then seek to fill those gaps by talking to people.

The reason? One is possible custody, two is division of assets, three, you will working from strength (data and knowledge) if you know what is going on, thus giving you a better chance of saving this marriage., four you can counter what lies your W has spread to your family, her family, and your friends.

You need to remember your children are going to have to live in this world, and you want your family, friends, and their extended family to know they are with a man that deserves to have these children. Not someone that a lawyer manage to obtain custody for.

See where I am going?? Get intel about W and OM first and the PI idea would be best, especially if you know where your W is living now.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

spoken like a true engineer

love, Pep

cut open the box springs
insert smelly object
sew back together
give bed to WW and om

Pep <~~~ insert red glowing horns over head

Pep,


I'll have you know I am NOT an engineer, I am a scientist.

YOu do know the difference don't you?

You hire an engineer to do what they know how to do.
You hire a scientist to do what they don't know how to do. Where is my rolleyes when I need it.

You have been talking to 2Long too long. The man has rocks in his head.

Pep, keep this man on the straight an narrow. I think your advice is really need right now.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks...in response to some of your questions:

I am only allowing her to take two VERY old beds for our children, both are small (one is a canopy bed).

I was just about to go and video all of the things I am voluntarily allowing her to remove from our home, or else she may come back later and want more! Some friends and I (about 12) just cleaned the house spotlessly and moved all of the things she requested onto the front porch, or just inside the front door. There will be NO reason for her to stroll through the house as if she is on a shopping spree!

I also have arranged for a law enforcement officer (mutual friend) to be present when she arrives in the morning.

I truly want tomorrow morning to be "shock and awe" to her. She needs to know that I am going dark, but I will assure her in my PBL that I will do anything in my power to stop her A and save our family. The first step is up to her, NC, then a possible R!

She will NEVER expect me to have all of her things packed and waiting outside or by the door. I am still deciding about the restraining order because of what she did to my son. She did attend our baseball game this morning, but our son refused to speak to her!

In order to win her back, I must let her realize, on her own, everything that she is giving up!

OM's X has not yet called me back. I fear he may have gotten to her first after speaking with his parents yesterday. I'm sure he told her a was just a crazed and vindictive man. Her father told me he would be going out of town for a few days, and he did not give me her number. He said he would get mine to her and have her call me! I would LOVE to speak w/ her right now!

Just pray for me throughout the remainder of this weekend that I will continue to walk tall (and carry a BIG stick, if necessary). I will be a better man and husband after all of this, R or not!

Excellent! Excellent!

Good planning!

Don't let her past the front door.

Try not to get into an argument w/ her. If need be keep reminding her why she's there and to get on w/ it, b/c you have things you need to do.

Look good, and be upbeat.

Post your PBL as soon as you can.

We're all pulling...and praying for you.

It would be great for you to appear like you're heading somewhere, maybe even a date (just fake it, it's all about appearance).

Get her wondering about what you're up to.

Look like a million bucks and be dressed like you're going to meet a hottie.

Of course, you might just be taking the kids out to lunch, but she doesn't have to know.

I'm very happy you are not letting yourself be a doormat.

I know how hard this is, but you're doing everything I wish I had done to protect my kids 2 years ago.

Best of luck to you.

Yes, look good & smell good and if she looks your way, glance at your watch and pretend to check your cell for messages. While "reading or listening" to your messages, a big grin is in order. If she approaches you, just clik er shut!!!Make her wonder. GF

Oh, Oh, and throw your head back while doin' the big grin!!

Here we go guys...5am on what I'm calling D-Day II!

I returned home around 2am this morning; yeah, that's right, about 2 1/2 hours sleep (that's becoming normal). No luck catching them together anywhere. WE rode by the new place several times, checked hotels, restuarants, and any other public place possible. We checked all (she only has about 2 now)of her friends houses and really anywhere else we could think of. NO LUCK!

I have mixed emotions about last night. On one hand, I didn't find W and OM together, but I can't be sure that they weren't just the same. I wanted visual evidence to further support my case in court, but I DIDN'T know if I could handle what I might find. Me guess, OM found out that HIS family told me he was coming to town on Saturday and decided against it. I do plan to do the whole ride-by thing tonight just after sundown. W will assume I am at church, so her guard will be down.

I'm really dreading seeing her back here again today for the first time in 2 weeks. Yes, I have been praying she would indeed return (under the right conditions), but I don't know what to expect today in the way of attitude or attempts at confrontation. I plan to mostly ignore her as much as possible, include my PBL with other documents taped to her things, and then go dark, work on me, and wait.

She feels that she has to prove that she can do this all on her own. From what I can gather, she only has about 3-4 people agreeing to help her, and 3 of them have already apologized to me in advance for doing so (I had a dozen or so helping me pack her things yestersday). I don't plan to lift one finger, remember, she feels the need to do this "on her own (meaning, of course, with OM!)", so I'm going to let her.

If you pray, pray for me today. I've grown much stronger in the past few days, but I know I'll be tempted to warn her of this pending disaster just the same. I intent for my PBL to do that for me when she finally reads it!

ab3,
Good luck today. Prayers going up.
Have you had any success at contacting OM'W? It would be best for you to know the whole truth before entering any plan.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Ab,

My prayers are with you. Be strong, stay calm.

Well, it would seem I did a GREAT job of packing away everything, she's gone in less than 1 hour!

Before going dark, I DID talk to her for about 1 hour prior to her coming to move things. She called crying at first, insisting that this decision was indeed killing her as well. She, once again, proclaimed that OM is "JUST a FRIEND!" She did seem very conflicted about this decision. When I asked her, "Are you sure this is what you want?" She replied, "You can never be sure of anything!" This was very difficult to hear, and completely wrong!

She employed her father, sister, and brother-in-law to help her, and all 3 came to me beforehand apologizing and explaining how much they really HATED doing this!

Now...it is on to PLAN B! Sorry I didn't get the letter posted for your assistance. Originally, it was 8 PAGES LONG! Only, after speaking with her this morning, I did remove several of the more vindictive sounding ones. I think it ended up being about 3-4 pages. Very romantic, yet pointing out the issues in our marriage that niether of us had been happy with!

I will continue to try and expose. As to OM's X, my W says she has spoken with her almost daily and that they have become good friends. I don't really believe her, but I do know that she (X) hasn't called me back yet. My W stated that OM's X had left him for another man as well; if so, that would explain her reluctance to call and help me push the adultery thing!

Oh well, I'm doing okay surprisingly, no emotional outbursts or tears yet. It will KILL me not to speak to her in the coming days/weeks/months, we've spoken daily for nearly 20 years! However, I will take your advice and stick with the plan. NC with me, until NC with OM!

Hey ab, that sounds great, but it needs to be no more than 7-8 SHORT PARAGRAPHS! You are speaking to a fogged out, DETACHED wayward so it needs to be short, sweet and CONCISE. Here is an example from SAA:

My Dear Sue,

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing Greg.

With my love,
Jon

Too bad they weren't sorry ENOUGH to refuse to help her.

Ah well, blood is thicker than mud.


You will go through w/drawals from her. It will get better especially the darker you stay.

Be sure to tell your go between friend to only pass on core messages from your WW.

For example... She calls him and says, "I don't understand why ab won't talk to me. I think it is just awful that we can't get along for the children's sake. Will you please tell him I'd like to have the kids on Tuesday instead of Thursday. If that's alright w/ him. He's such a jerk!"

Your friend should only tell you this..." WW wants to have the kids on Tuesday instead of Thursday."

You need to learn to reply to her in as few words as possible.

No. Fine. Ect..

She WILL try to break plan B. So expect it. Stay firm. It will drive her NUTZ. And it will protect you from further harm.

The ache for the woman who was once your W takes a while to leave.

It does diminish with time.

You're going through the toughest time to go through this, which is the start.

She sounds like she already hates the silence, so you're doing well.

Keep up the good work.

Right now, she's MOCKING the Plan. Onviously, w/3 kids, we have to communicate SOME. I instructed her to text or email when necessary. When appropriate, I will respond.

There was only 2 or 3 yesterday, "Where's this?" or "Did u keep that?" But the last one mentioned me taking something to her dad's since ,"He's our mediator..." Actually, I only told her in the PBL that I would leave and pick up the kids from her dad's or her sister's only. I gave her a code phrase to email or text when she is ready to agree to it's conditions (NC)and work towards R.

"to Infinity" is a phrase we used to close out letters to in school and, even now, when signing Hallmark Cards to one another. She knows that she can TALK to me at any tim eI see that phrase on the screen.

One strange thing I noticed, she is now texting proficiently and using the same "text speek" as our kids and their friends. This is further proof of the fog she is in, not only due to the A, but also her desire for independence and a new identity.

I'm going to start a thread attempting to unite Plan B'ers everywhere. I know the first 24-48 hours wil be the most difficult. I haven't gone more than a day without speaking to her since I was 15!

ab, you gave her the Plan B letter?

You've done a good job. I may be wrong, but aren't you supposed to be NOT reading her emails and texts to you?

catperson is right. Plan B means NO CONTACT or it defeats the purpose. Any contact should be channeled through a designated intermediary and it should be only ESSENTIAL contact anout the kids or finances. The IM should be a neutral SPAM FILTER. Any notion of reconciliation should be negotiated FIRST with the IM to make sure the WS is ready. There should be no direct contact except in the case of an emergency.