Her parents and sister and brother and sister inlaw will be very supportive, especially sister inlaw I helped her save her marriage she was going to leave w brother. A close friend already knows and has told w she thinks what she is doing is wrong. W has already accused me of taking away her best friend, I said she is still your friend she does not like who you have become and what you want to do to the children.

I think the employer will be a problem because I don't think they have been using company property or time accept on wednesdays. But I am telling w boss who will be supportive. i have been thinking of using a whistle blowing contact point against om where internal audit investigate any whistle blowing. I think he may be stealing company time on wednesdays W does not work on this day and I think this is when they meet at his house. Internal audit would follow him.

I think you're right about the company and the whistle blowing. It may be complicated, but it will pay off. If you owned a company and two of your people were doing this, wouldn't you want to know? Eventually, the A will end, and you'll have two messed up people, who may be messing up work, and wouldn't understand why. Plus, owner is open to lawsuits et al. I don't know if you work for a major company (more than 100 employees), but they all have HUGE regulations about morals, ethics, etc. - probably because of lawsuits, but the rules are there nonetheless. We have to go to training on it every single year and sign off that we will not participate in shady practices. This sure fits, doesn't it?

GOOD! She sounds like a REAL friend.


Bro, do this one right to get the biggest bang for your buck. If you going to do this, do it right. What I mean by that is don't go and tell one of the affairees "friends" at work, but expose to an authority figure who will be FORCED to take action, even if that action only consists of talking to the affairees. Direct supervisors can and will DEEP SIX such a letter if they think others are not looking.

That is why a FORMAL LETTER needs to be addressed to the DIRECTOR of Human Resources with a cc to a key VP, along with both their supervisors.

It does not matter if you can prove they have stolen company time. What matters is that the proper authorities KNOW there is a problem and call them in for an interview about their adultery. They might not take any action outside of that. But that exposure will cause huge conflict when they know other people are watching them. Anything more is just GRAVY.

Same here. I have worked for 2 different Fortune 500 companies since 1989. At my last company, our Region VP, was fired upon discovery of an affair, and escorted off the premises by an ARMED security guard. He destroyed his career.

In current company, another man was summarily fired a couple of years back for having an affair with his secretary. Career destroyed.

The bad thing is that in my industry, word travels FAST. Everyone talks. And being a faithless adulterer is not a competency most good companies are seeking.

Bro, when you expose to the employer it is very important that you do it far up the chain of command. Your wifes immediate boss may not be enough. I made this mistake. Just the boss knowing did not make things uncomfortable enough for the affair. I think the whistle blower hotline is a good idea but make sure you also send a certified letter directly to several senior people. I would do that Friday so it arrives on Monday and I would call the whistle blower line on Monday or Tuesday when you get back.

The company may or may not do anything but that is not necessarily the goal. The goal here is to make life as uncomfortable for the affair partners as possible.

Your wife will be furious. She is likely to tell you that she was just about to give your marriage another chance but now.. forget it! Dont buy into it Bro, remain calm and say "I am standing up for our marriage and our family"

You also have to realize that this is not a silver bullet which will end the affair immediatly. It is a vital part of an overall plan (plan A).

Read about plan A again and again. Educate yourself, protect yourself and improve yourself. Love your wife but wage war on her affair.

You are awesome, b/w, great post!

Hi all

I have drafted letters and ready to post and looking forward to the weekend and then on monday I will hit the nuke. i am starting with her parents first. I am a bit nervous about all this but i will go through with it.

How effective is disclosure, at ending A as percentage?

Bro, I don't know the answer to that. It would be extremely hard to track. Most often, exposure does not end the affair right away, but hastens its death. We have had several affairs end the same day they wre exposed, though. If the affair is kept secret it can go on forever because they thrive on secrecy.

Bro, I hope I got you before you go off on the weekend trip. Be careful this weekend, remember your plan. You are going to be depositing love units, be fun be upbeat and lay off the booze if you think it will lead to problems.

As I told you in an earlier post, your wife is going to be sneaking off to text or call the OM. Dont let that ruin your plan. Be Mr. Cool for the weekend. Exposure will be most effective if she has no inkling that it is coming. Stay strong and DO NOT shrink from exposure on Monday.

Hi, just got back we had a nice time and I deposited loads of love units, however when we were dancing to some slow records I tried to kiss W !! We also ended up having R talk when I said the choice is between me and the girls or om, i didn't say anymore and left it she didn't say anything and i didn't push her.

I am going to see her parents in the morning first which will be difficult. Then I am phoning her brother sister and sister in law.

I am going to phone om ex wife, do I ask her for help to end the A and ask her to inform OM Parents ? I have not been able to find their numbers.

Don't ask for her help since she's not a family member, but ask her how you can reach the OM parents if you feel she won't forewarn the OM. Try to get out of her WHERE they live and see if you can find their # in directory assistance.

What about the workplace exposure? Are you ready to go on that front? That will probably be the most powerful exposure next to OM parents.

Also, go read a few pages on abandonedwith3's thread about his exposure to the OM parents. Also look at Runnerboy65, whose exposure has killed his wife's affair.

When do you plan on telling your kids?

i need to find a time alone to tell the children. As soon as the opportunity comes up. How do i find the threads you have suggested to look at.

Are you OK today Bro1?

Have you exposed?

Prayers are with you today.

TRUST ME, exposure is tough. You will be called bitter, vindictive, and pitiful for fighting for your marriage rather than just "letting her go!"

Some people will criticize YOU and wonder why you're doing this. WW and OM WILL contact you and make it sound as if you've done something wrong, rather than looking in a mirror!

I can't say that it has worked for me yet, but I do like knowing that I am at least doing SOMETHING and that they are in some way uncomfortable.

BTW, I'm in Plan B now, but I'm not finished exposing!

Good Luck!

Hope you hanging tough, Bro!

I have done it, W parents, sister and brother in law, and sister. All very supportive of my situation. W sister already new and had been told lies she is on my side now i have explained the truth and my plan. she may be a problem thou as blood thicker than water and said did't want to choose sides.

w parents gave advice as if it was Mel in the room with me "throw her out, make it hard for her, don't leave the house, end the affair"

w is upset with me that i went to sister, and very concerned on what I will tell children, I said the truth.

Sister in law as also be great she is going on holiday but will be back next week, she lives out of town but said she will travel up to speak to her.

W also threatened laywer and D and never speak to me again and she only knows about sister.

Me and W have just had loads of R talk and I got loads of fog babble, the best is its nothing to do with him I just want to be by myself its not been right for longtime. i don't want to fall out with you, i want to be friends, I need space.

I could do with some advice on love busters and what to say to her when she wants to go out with OM. she wants me to baby sit and I said I will not do it. Also advice on the rest of plan A and her emotional needs.

Also W sister says we should get someone to go round and see OM and tell him to back off!!! Not me thou

W parents are coming around on wednesady when W does not work and usually sees OM at lunch time, so to prevent him seeing him. Then they will confront her. If i asked they would see her earlier, but we thought it would be better to bust up A.

W said i haven't altered my behaviour over the last 3 months and tried to get her back. Is this more fog, as I have been trying.

How did your W find out you went to the sister? Did the sister tell her?

Ok, what about the workplace exposure and the OMW and his parents? Those will be HUGE exposures.


translation: STOP INTERFERING IN MY AFFAIR!! Don't let her scare you. Just picture the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons: "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

Don't stop now! Go for the FULL MONTY!! If she is going to be pissed off, get your moneys worth!

p.s. i would tell your kids SOONER rather than later, before she has a chance to spin the story to them and before they hear it from someplace else. They will hear about the fallout and will need to be prepared.

Om already D, I could say something to his ex wife who also works at the company, in different building. I can't find his parents but I will.

letters have gone to HR and VP. i have been looking at company policy and I don't think anything will happen. Also om works on company IT system and knows how to delete records of e-mail, came up in conversation with W.

i was going to speak to her boss at work who is, a good cristian and i think may be supportive, what do you think?

I need to tell my parents and children