Ok. I can't do it. It's hard to go underground when there are some many here who I can't help but hear from and keep up with.

I had a very interesting development in therapy. My therapist recommends the solution to my interactions with my ex to be approached by, are you ready for this, actions that describe plan B to a letter.

I even told her she is describing the Marriage Builders Plan B approach. Granted, in my case it isn't to store any love for the ex. It's intended to reduce the conflict.

But Plan B requires that i eliminate all sources of information for the ex, which includes MB. So what a dilema.

Thoughts? Recommendations? Ideas?

Final thought:

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"

The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

[quote] [Thoughts? Recommendations? Ideas?/quote]

Follow the advice...it is very sound.

This is essentially what I've been doing and it works. I just never sent a Plan B letter since there are no circumstances under which I would let that lyin' cheatin' theivin' SOB back into my life. It's why I'm still here at MB because I'm sure not going to recover my M. Since DS's wedding, I haven't had any contact with Wstbx of any kind and it has truly been peaceful.


Is this true? Does it really matter a hoot what info the ex digs up at least in terms of your own personal healing? If you aren't in contact with her, you won't know what she knows or what she thinks about it, other than whatever her lawyers dredge up out of here and twist around. I know WstbX learns various things about me and it's actually been somewhat humourous to hear when he's been digging for tidbits because he heard something but not the whole thing. In many ways it's empowering because my modified Plan B is clearly having an effect on him that can't be good for his A (must drive OW nuts that he puts effort into finding info on me).

I hear you. But she gets information about me through this site.

There was a stack of papers about a foot high that had all of my alleged posts from MB.

So she's certainly keeping tabs on my postings and reading up on my life.

I find it funny because I quit looking at her myspace page 2 years ago. I use to visit it daily, then weekly, then not at all.

Her? She reads MB every day to see what I've put up now.

You'd think that the MB message and principles would cut through that thick fog, but she's not interested in seeing the truth in what she did to our family, our marriage, and our children. It's easier to blame me.

Plan B is for you. Who cares if WW reads or does not read your posts here. Your are in NC so it doesn't matter what she does.

If you post here you are still dark to her life. You will not know what where who why when and how of her life.

I've been in a semi plan B for 2 years, but it should be even darker than it is.

My therapist says that I allow myself to be abused and hurt by answering back to attacks when they come.

She emailed me last night, aparently I didn't meet her "excitement" requirement over my son having a good day at school. I wasn't excited enough for her tastes that he behaved.

She's now ranting that my mom took them out of the daycare to spend time with them. She hasn't seen them in a year and she'd rather the kids be in daycare than with my mom.

Mom is having a blast with them today. She's having fun with them and they have been leaning on my mom and playing with her. It's good to hear her enjoy their company.

She'll get to see my daughter tonight, who said, "finally!" when I told her that my mom was in town.

Exww took them away from my mom her last visit because she took a conversation waaaay out of context. Next thing I know she's not letting me see the kids and my mom didn't get to see them.

So my mom is very happy today as a grandmother.

I had an absolutely wonderful morning with DD5 this morning.

I decided to go into work late and take her into school myself. We got up later than normal. She got a shower, dressed in a pretty spring time dress, and I brought her downstairs.

We sat and ate breakfast together and had fun talking and eating a giant fruit salad together. She's been introduced to tons of new foods lately and has liked them.

My mom and I then took her to school and walked her in to her class.

She was very happy to be with the both of us.

All three of my kids have thrown themselves at my mom. DS3#1 kept giving her kisses on the cheek. DS3#2 kept saying he wanted to stay with her last night.

It's good to see them spending some quality time with my family.

Ex has written me several rants in that time. She wants DS3#2 to "practice" being good in school and says I'm not coparenting and only thinking of myself by having him spend time with my mom instead.

So she'd rather they be in daycare than with my mom. She's instructed the daycare staff to report to her when my mom gets the kids. I spoke to the staff yesterday who gave me a very different account of things than the ex. Ex had me believing that they were passing info to her, implying that they "know my games and know I'm trying to get info on her or smear her".

Talked to the staff. Totally different account and story. They gave me the option of being called any time her mother picked the kids up and I told them I didn't think that was necessary. I'd be getting called too frequently if that was the case and I don't feel the need to be informed of such things.

It's intersting that she's trying to portray me as being interested in controlling everything when her own behavior is exactly that.

I don't know if this boils down to cultural differences or not, but blood is blood. I may not like interacting with her parents, but they are the kid's blood family and I have to respect that and honor it. She feels differently about me and my family.

She wants Darth WHNACG to question me for another few hours. Another great opportunity to throw away money.

For your own sanity, you need to do a real Plan B (going dark), as much as you can given all the legal actions she's taking. Absolutely don't respond to her attacks - send all correspondence through your lawyer or an intermediary. Is this possible? To not even read or hear messages from her, and certainly to not respond directly to her?

Is there documentation of the demands she's placing on the daycare staff? Would it be useful to go ahead and have them notify you when her mom picks up the kids, to have that documented?

Yes, it is very good to see them spending quality time with you and your mom.


You shouldn't even be reading this b***s***.


Document document document! But I'm sure you know that. {{{ pom }}} I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this.

It's human nature to accuse others of what you are guilty of yourself. "Methinks he doth protest too much" comes to mind.

POM:

Why are you being Deposed?

Your Divorced right?

And yes, your divorced exW gets to pay for the deposition, and I am sure she is going to try to find a way to stick YOU with the bill.

Why don't you have HER deposed? Sure it might cost you $1,200. Get a credit card with no interest for six-eight months and throw $50 at it a month. Heck, your interst cost will be small, but your amusement factor could be HUGE.

Think of the list of questions YOU can ask?

Want me to start? You can print them off and give them to your attorney.

Since she is reading here, she can formulate a response beforehand, but who cares? Obviously, these questions are kind of rough, but your Attorney can expand them into proper legalese.

1. WxW: How often did you bring the children around these OM that you were hooking up with while I was serving my country?

1a. What harm do you think that brought to your children?

2. WxW: After "replacing Daddy" with new OM, how often were the children exposed to inappropriate behavior that could confuse them to who thier mother was really married to?

3. WxW: How has your constant moving from new place to new place in the past three years made for a consistent home life for your children?

4. Would anyone else like to play?

LG

Pandas keep dying from excessive verb usage.

I'll state the facts and let others draw their own conclusions about what just happened.

My mother has been watching the boys today. She took them back to the daycare so she could pick up DD5 from school, take her out for an ice cream, and then bring her back to the daycare. It was probably going to simply be one hour and then back to the daycare so that my exww picks up the kids at her normal time of around 5:45 to 6:30 PM after work.

My daughter was looking forward to this.

I got a call from the school a little bit ago telling me that mom came in and signed DD5 out of school early. So she left work early and took her out of class early.

I don't think I need to point out that she doesn't normally leave work early on a Thursday and pick up DD5 early and before school was over.

Exww just texted me to tell me that she picked DD5 early from school after an alleged appointment.

Let me see if I have made this clear: She took her out of school early, before the school day was over, which is something she has never done before unless she was taking DD5 to an appointment.

So now that you all have the facts, talk amongst yoseves!

How do you interpret these actions?

How would I interpret these actions?

a) petty

b) childish

c) lame

d) all of the above

I would document with your lawyer that the one day in X years that D5's father's mother was to pick her up, the mother showed up to remove her from the daycare, which she only does X times in any given year; let the judge come to his own conclusions.

Man, I got a word for her- but I won't use it as she is your children's mother. Every time I think she tops it she surprises me and does something even worse than I could imagine.

I'm not sure why you need to even be deposed. This has nothing to do with your marriage- this is about custody of the kids.

pom:

Have you spoken with the Harleys about the use of your posts against you in court? That may not be legal from that standpoint.

Put a call out for graycloud. His xW tried something similar. I remember that, by the time it had started, I had likely posted all kinds of times 2 his thread.

A few years before I came 2 MB, I was on an email list (before forums like this one existed), where the list owner wanted 2 publish the best of the posts 2 his list. One of the members, who was quite the storyteller, threatened 2 sue if he did. It seems that by posting anything 2 even a privately owned email list or forum, you don't give up copyrights 2 what you post.

I guess the question now is, is your xWW planning 2 quote you out of context? Or is she planning 2 show the context - i.e., the discussions you've had with other members here. And if so, does she have everybody's permission?

ExMrsPom: You don't have my permission. I may elect 2 sue you if you use my posts in court against this fine American and outstanding father.

Anybody else?

-ol' 2long

ExMrsPom:

You don't have my permission either. Have you been printing out things that I have written? Have these things been entered into public documents?

How do you feel about using your children as pawns? How do you feel about depriving your daughter of something she was looking forward to? How did you explain that to her? Do you think that is going to improve your relationship with her, in the long run? Or are you lying to her to make yourself look good, and if so, do you think that is promoting her growing up into a moral, responsible, healthy, happy adult?

Pom: You DO have my permission to use my above questions to EMP, if you wish. Unless I AM Pom, in which case I grant myself permission.

exMrsPom, you do NOT have my permission to use any of my posts. If I find out you do, I will have to sue you.

My heart is bleeding for the pandas! Please, everyone, stop the madness and end your excessive use of verbs!

Ok. I really, really like someone in my divorce group. We've gone out as friends. I'm deathly afraid to tell her I like her.

She came over last week to have dinner with my mom and I at my house. She came with an open mind and had some ethnic food. She tried it, liked it, found out what it was, and then asked for seconds.

We've gone out to the movies together and have coffee once in a while.

Up to this point I haven't been open about how much I like her.

But she seemed to look at me a little bit more the last time we all got together in our group.

She called me and told me she'd really like it if I went to a single's group church function together with her and another friend of ours. She added, "I'd really like it if you could make it".

She's not a woman who sends out clear signals of "I like you".

She returns my calls and returns my texts.

I don't overdo it. I call her maybe once every other day and text her about the same.

I've been surprised when she says yes to going out and we've almost always had a good time. She just agreed to go swing dancing with me sometime in the future.

Do I just keep things safe till I get a better feel for how she feels about me or do I let her know? Or is she likely clued in and uncertain herself?

I've been waiting till all my court stuff settles before saying anything. She's someone I REALLY like a lot and I don't want to mess this up.

A little background on her: She dated a guy for 10 years since she was a wee baby of 18. She married him. He cheated 2 years into the marriage.

She dumped him like a sack of hot potatos 2 years ago. Divorce was official about 2 months ago. I've known her through my Divorce Care group since last September and went out with her on a friendly date for the first time back in February.

Since then we've gone to a movie together, dinner, a soccer game, coffees, and we see each other each week at our divorce group.

All friendly and nothing more than company but I want to hang out with her more and more.

I really find her attractive. Tall. Blue eyes. Brunette. Looks great casual or dressed up. My mom even commented on how great she looked naturally without makeup and thought she was a very nice woman.

Advice?