Agree, stop the blog. Your last post should stand.

Okay guys, once again, I've taken your advice...though I did amend it just a little for my own purposes.

I did post tonight on our blog, announcing that I would no longer be updating my situation for prying eyes.

I did feel it necessary to announce this intention to those who truly have been concerned and even encouraged by what was written.

There you have it..I don't think I can get much darker!

NC with me, until NC with OM!

Did you realize that by making your closing post you gave your WW another attention fix?

Think before you act. Ask yourself will this feed her ego? Will it show that she is getting to me?

No one does a perfect Plan B.

One last post isn't going to make or break anything.

How's everything else going, ab?

Is your WW still calling you? Texting you?

How are your children doing since you told them about their mother's BF?

Are they seeing a counselor?

Do you know if they talked to her about it?

A goodbye post isn't bad. I think it re-enforces what his message to her is. He's letting her know indirectly that she isn't going to know anything about his life until NC.

I realize that one way my ex stays connected to me is through reading these posts on this website.

Granted, I find it baffling that reading my posts for 2 years hasn't provided some osmosis of the MB principles and lifted the fog some, but so be it.

I can't control her desire to still keep up with the goings on in my life.

You may be tempted to go back and post, however, because the blog was a source of support and positive feelings for you.

MB is a mixed bag for me. I enjoy offering advice to men and women in your shoes (though I relate to the men more) but it also keeps me stuck in the muck a bit.

I've had others thank me for giving my opinions and have told me I've helped.

So you may be reaching out on your own blog to someone else and touching them in some way.

It would be great if you could make it private somehow, but not posting for now is a good idea. Dont' feel bad about a "goodbye" post.

Unfortunately, I agree with you all!

I do realize that I just gave WW one last glimpse into my world. However, I do also know that there were other readers of that blog that are truly concerned...even some that have found encouragement in what I have posted. I can make no apologies for saying goodbye, those writings HAVE been therapeutic for me in many ways!

Apparently, WW FINALLY decided to read the PBL Tuesday night. There was NC whatsoever yesterday, nor has there been any thus far today. I was forced to see her at a ballgame last night, but there was little to no conversation. In fact, she didn't even call our children all day yesterday, nor did she call to tell them goodnight.

She did attempt to be critical of me with our son, but he simply ignored her and refused to even tell her goodbye. He is very wise for his age, he sees through all of her deceit as much as anyone!

No calls, texts, or emails (she doesn't even have internet access yet at her new place). I am sure that, at some point today, she will go somewhere and get online. She will check her email, get driving directions for work, and, no doubt, visit our blog to see in what ways I have further attempted to "make myself look like God (her words to someone else)."

She will then become witness to the "anonymous" comments of her "friend" and realize that she has now lost yet another confidant. She will then attempt to blame ME for costing her another relationship. At what point will she realize that all of the things she has lost were consequences of her own foolish decisions?

I will remain dark and wait to see if she decides to agree to the conditions of the PBL. I know that it will be awhile, if ever, before she decides that what she MIGHT gain cannot possibly be worth all that this is COSTING her (the SURE things).

I will anxiously await the call from her "anonymous friend." I am curious to hear her new-found perspective on all that has happened. I will also be VERY cautious as to what I say in return, realizing that she may STILL be attempting to deceive me and remain loyal to WW. I highly doubt it after her last comment, but I can never be too careful.

If the past 20 days have taught me anything, it's that I can TRULY trust the words of no one!

We should ALL take a moment here and go to a posting by Lady_Cluless as to how Satan Works.

Extremely saddening to apply the first portion of her text to my WW. However, very easy to assign the second set to OM!

My ex blames me for her losing her friends.

They tell me that she never returned a call, never contacted them, never wanted to do anything other than go clubbing, wouldn't come when invited to stuff, etc.

They say that I reached out when I was hurt and confused and she didn't do anything. They were hurt by this.

But my ex finds it easier to blame me than to look at her own actions. She thinks that I just sat around saying bad things to her friends and doesn't understand that some of her old friends still tried to ask her to do things, and some simply couldn't respect the enormity of what she did.

But you'll get the blame.

Yeah, I know you're right. I will initially catch ALL of the blame for even the actions of HER friends!

But, here's the thing, all of WW's TRUE friends are Godly, Christian women who have reached out to her NUMEROUS times over the past 20 days in an attempt to show her the truth about what she's doing.

While she may claim to some that they have all judged her and turned their backs on her, she knows that it just simply isn't so. She knows that they ALL have called, emailed, and done all in their power to reach her, she just chooses to lie about it in order to distance herself from their (correct) version of reality.

One would think that, when and if she sees her way clear of the "fog," she would realize how much these ladies truly do care about her and have prayed for her. The wounds are deep and the scars will probably never fade; but, in the end, if she never accepts responsibilty for her own deceptive actions in this, R is not possible anyway!

Ironically, now her former friends are all still my present friends. If you don't believe me, check out the blog I revealed earlier. Read the comments below each posting. These people truly do care about BOTH of us!

If her friends are Christian women, she is probably suppressing ALOT of guilt because she does know better and she has to build this up to be a fantasy that is worth giving up all reason and good that she has been taught and lived probably most her life.

That gets exhausting. You can only do it for so long. Her natural knowing, her spirit will take over eventually and she will then be left with the puddle of mess that she has created. If she is able to get back on her knees to try and make it work with you, she will be lucky to have such a man that loved her enough to take this stand.

You have been amazing!!

I want nor deserve ANY credit for any possible R.

At this point, that possibility seems very distant and nearly impossible.

However, just as you said, I think I assume that eventually the load of guilt and shame will be too much to bear. It kills me to know that she may be faced with the consequences of her own poor decisions, but I can't save her from it!

BTW, I spoke with the Prsident of our state's Baptist Association today. I was assured that OM would not be working as a pastor in our state if he ever pursues that. They have added his name to the "black list" for when a church calls to request a reference!

Well done ... you are getting a measure of vengence (whether you choose to look at it that way or not) against the OM that many of us BH's wish we had the opportunity to do.

Thank You on behalf of BH's everywhere.

ab, I applaud you for your pro-active behavior throughout much of this, but I don't that has helped you in Plan B. Plan B has to be carefully and strategically planned so there is NO CONTACT, or the purpose is defeated.

You should never know if she agrees to the conditions of Plan B, because you aren't in any communication. You don't REQUIRE her agreement to remove yourself from her presence. This is about your choice, not hers.

You should not be attending the same sporting events, much less having a "little conversation" at them. Plan B means DARK AS NIGHT. No contact, no texts, no emails, no nothing. Everything ESSENTIAL should go through an intermediary.

Please, regroup here and get this on the right track. if you continue to break contact after you have given her a letter saying no contact, she will know you don't mean it, which will destroy your credibility. And the last thing you want to do is signal to a wayward that you don't mean what you say.

ML, You don't seem to get it. I am the coach of my children's baseball team.

I HAVE to be present, and I certainly can't FORBID her to come if she chooses.

There are no longer ANY calls, texts, or emails, and I only spoke to her once at the game.

The only comment made was in response to my 12 year old son refusing to "hug" her. She informed me that I had BETTER make him respect her...to which I replied, "Why, how can he possibly respect what you've done?"

That's it. I have not initiated anything AT ALL.

I'm all for Plan B, but I WILL NOT become an inmate in my own home, hiding from her so as to remain dark and not be rebuked on MB.

I assure you...she KNOWS now that I do mean what I say!

Another variant to her statement would be, "Respect must be earned, not demanded. Come on, son."

The relationship with her kids will be very broken for a long time.

I experienced the very thing you mentioned about her friends.

I lived with her former friends. They were her friends at the time. They tried to reach out to her and invite her to things, but her dates with other men were more important. Her friends lost interest in being with someone who didn't want to try being friends.

They stayed friends with me and she blames me for ruining her friendships.

They've told me that I was the one that stayed in contact with everyone while we were in England and I was the one who reached out to them all those years. They tried to reach out to her and she didn't accept their efforts.

The waywards will blame you because it is easier than accepting that everything that is happening is a consequence of their actions.

ab, I guess I DON'T get it but I don't claim to be the brightest bulb on the tree. I don't understand how you expect to be taken seriously if you tell her in a letter you will not be in contact and then see and converse with her 2 days later. And what does being the coach have to do with conversing with her?


See, ab, the best thing for everything involved is for you to be in a dark Plan B. Even if you have to get an associate coach and rotate coaching assignments and ask her to come to every other game. Plan B requires a complete lifestyle change with airtight darkness in order to be effective.

Ab, I know you are new here, but Mel is one of (if not THE) sharpest posters on here. You are fortunate to have had her take an interest in you and post to you.

What I bolded was UNCALLED for.

If you had asked, "How can avoid WW at the sporting events if I'm the coach?" Not only would it have been more respectful, it may have garnered some helpful suggestions for you.


Her demand should have been met w/ silence from you.

Your reply was another attempt to educate her. It was a DJ (disrespectful judgement)...it w/drew love from her...gave her another justification for her A.


Part of plan B is anticipating when your spouse will try to break Plan B and try to engage you. I warned you this was likely the other day.


When did anyone suggest that you become an inmate in your home?

Thanks for the vote of confidence, MM.

Ab, we seriously do want to help you here and we can't do that if we don't tell you HOW TO do Plan B. in order to be effective, Plan B should be totally dark. The goal of Plan B is to separate yourself completely from her abuse. An effective PB will protect you from being dragged into her insanity. It protects the remaining love you have for your wife and vice versa. Because if you remain exposed to her, you will resort to extreme lovebusting and could grow to hate her.

One very important thing is to leave a GOOD TASTE in her mouth when you go DARK. Your last actions are the behavior she will remember when she no longer has you around. So, the lovebuster you laid on her yesterday is what she will remember when you go dark.

A side effect of Plan B can be to pull the WS off the fence. That happens because usually the OP is meeting 1-2 top needs of the WS and the BS is meeting 3-4 minor EN's. The WS does not realize this, though, until the BS is completely removed from her life. Once that happens, the WS usually tries and tries desperately to get the BS back into the picture so she won't have to face the fact that her affair is not enough to sustain a relationship.

But when contact is intermittant it can give the WS a fix and/or give her new fodder [lovebusters] with which to demonize you. If she has ammunition to demonize you, then she can justify her affair.

Forcing the WS to face that realization and NOT giving her any fixes is what causes the affair fail at a faster rate. But, if you give her her fixes, she can stay out there much longer.

Almost every WS fights Plan B like the dickens. They HATE plan B because it is such a threat to their wayward lifestyle. So damming up all the holes and staying as dark as night will deprive her of you, and thusly cause the affair to desinigrate faster.