Sorry for the bite back earlier. I DO get it, but I guess I didn't realize that my situation isn't really ALL THAT unique.

Right now, I truly DON'T WANT to talk to WW. My last memory as well right now is of the words said yesterday after the game.

Again, sorry, I know you guys want to help, and I really am trying to stick to the plan...maybe I just hadn't fully grasped the whole "darkness" concept.

Don't give up on me...a week ago I was in the middle of my own little pity party, now I'm felling MUCH stronger and better equipped for the battle ahead.

Did you meet w/ your attorney on Monday?

If so, how did it go?

I did indeed speak w/ my attorney on Monday.

She is waiting to receive word from ADoptions in our State as to how exactly to proceed.

I spoke w/ her again today and we decided to meet again on Tues. of next week and file papers regardless of whether she gets an answer or not.

Again, trying to be proactive instead of reactive.

She felt confident that the signed, witnessed, and notarized preliminary agreement that WW and I came up with mutually would be sufficient until we found out the particulars from Adoptions.

I DO realize that I must take action, but I CANNOT jeopordaize this adoption in the process.

I could not bear seeing my precious daughter removed from my home and placed in different foster care.

BTW, this weekend will be my kids first OVERNIGHT stay at WW's new place. My son is adamantly refusing to go...do I have to make him? I have been told that 12 is the age where most judges allow the child to make up their own mind.

Obviously you have no legal obligation since there are no custody issues in place yet.

I'll leave it to the more experienced with PB to tell you what you 'should' do in order to remain in plan B.

None YET, we do have a written, voluntary agreement that she gets them only every other weekend and alternating Tues. and Thrus. evenings.

I do fear that, since she now has her own place, she may attempt to fight for JOINT custody...my desire is for FULL custody.

This may sound TERRIBLE, but my one trump card in all of this is the child I will be adopting ALONE. I can always have the upper hand in custody disputes if I refuse to allow her visitation with the baby. Unfortunately, I feel that I would be punishing the child for the actions of WW. How would she possibly understand her older siblings going to mom's without her???

I have NOT expressed this opinion to WW however, so I CAN still use this to my advantage if necessary.

aw3,

If there is no legal agreement, then there is no order. It is as worthless as the paper it's printed on unless it is issued by a court.

No, your son doesn't have to go.

Not only that, but she assaulted him the last time he was over there. So you can very justifiably say no.

Look, waywards play to our fears as men regarding custody. Nothing is official until a court says it is.

If he doesn't want to go, then you can't force him and she can't make him.

You little one is too young to understand or care. She may have feelings about it 2 or 3 years down the road, but your son will be a teen and driving and your other kids will be gone (if I remember correctly).

DO NOT force your son to go.

She assaulted him.

He can testify about this himself.

You are not as bad off in terms of custody as you think you may be. Having boobs doesn't automatically give her an advantage in family court. It would if your kids were young. But yours aren't.

Your son WILL have a say on his own and he can have his own attorney to represent him who must abide by his wishes and the courts really respect the desires of a BIA.

I know this because I'm in the middle of my own custody fight.

AB3. I have great hope that, because of your wife's Christian background, once the fog clears she will come to her senses rather quickly.

In order for that to happen you should follow the excellent advice of the veterans posting here about Plan B.

iam, I COMPLETELY agree! Conviction will do a MUCH better job at changing her heart than I EVER could!

Unfortunately, due to the geography of OM being 4 hours away, as well as the fact that he is a trained "listener," he has yet had to face the TRUE WW that I still love. I doubt there have been any LB's to speak of, since it is so simple to appease and sound concerned over the phone.

I fear that much of the exposure that I have done has simply pushed WW into the "ears" of OM.

Yes, at this point I do know that they have physically been in the same location 3 times, and 1 of those I was also present at. I do not know if they have indeed been intimate...WW has repeated that they haven't, but she wouldn't admit this anyway.

My current course of action is a RELIGIOUS PLAN B. I doubt that this is new or groundbreaking here at MB. Simply, I plan to remain dark and allow God to do His work in her heart.

All of the "preaching" in the world that I can do will serve no purpose! She is being "preached" to right now by OM and his insistance that he "cares" and "will ALWAYS be there for her."

WHO on this board lives near Livingston, NJ?

I just received a VERY inappropriate comment from the blog (which I AM NOT posting on!) and just wondered if anyone could help me identify the culprit.

I KNOW they were referred from MB.
BTW, I had the link removed, the traffic was overwhelming!

To whomever left this comment: YES, there are TWO sides to every story. If you had TRULY read the posts, you would have seen that I FULLY admitted my imperfections and regrets. However, NOTHING I could possibly have done would EVER justify a W leaving her husband and 3 children while in the middle of an A!!! If you could possibly think that ANYTHING would justify these actions, then YOU probably are the one who watches daytime talk shows! This is REAL life...I'll be glad to let you hear my kids cry themselves to sleep at night!!! I don't think anyone was FORCING you to read anything. I have found nothing but help and support on MB, but I'm now sure that there are bad apples in every bunch!

Okay...on to a different subject.

I just left all 3 kids at WW's dad's for their weekend visit with WW.

I think that I am just as upset about this occurence as I was when WW left.

NEITHER of the oldest two wanted to go, but they discussed it and decided it would be best if they were together.

My 12 year old still insists that he will GLADLY tell a judge, or anyone else that he NEVER wants to go back!

This will surely be a long and worrisome weekend, pray I don't go nuts!

I have made as many plans as possible for myself, just to keep my mind occupied, but I know I will be constantly wondering where they are...and who else is with them!

ab,

There are trolls on here at times, unfortunately. Take your link off. Pay that poster no mind. Totally ignore them. Stay focused.

I'm so sorry about the kids. That must be dreadfully hard on them.

God bless.

Unfortunately there are vile folks who troll these boards looking to cause problems. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened, ab.

They usually come from a message board that SUPPORTS cheaters.

They hate MB, b/c MB is a threat to their affairs.

Don't take what they wrote personally.

Just consider the source.

I don't hold it against MB...it was obviously from someone with no morals and questionable character.

...and, I had ALREADY had the link removed beforehand!

Well, apparently they are also not too bright.

They must have read your blog when you first posted it and it took them days to think up something "clever" to say.

Good possibility the WW was the latest, negative, "commenter" on that blog.

Just found out through a mutual friend that she (WW) had read the blog Friday afternoon at the old sitters house. No, we don't live anywhere near NJ, but the sitter uses an air card on her PC for internet access. I was able to narrow don who was on their and when, and deduct that it was indeed originating from her house.

Said she was very uncomfortable knowing that another friend was about to "turn" on her.

Oh well...

Does your WW know about MB?

I don't think so...I highly doubt it, she doesn't even have internet access at her NEW place.

I think I confused another myvzw.com view w/ the sitters...different IP addresses!

It appears a dark, quiet, lonely Plan B not only applies to WW, but also to here on MB.

My kids did survive their first weekend at WW's. Apparently, my son was less than kind, but made it through. Last night, at their baseball game, my son refused to speak to his mom, and of course I got verbally attacked because of it. I DID NOT speak back, I simply kept walking and trying to ignore the venom that was being spewed.

It might be best; but, from my current perspective...Plan B SUCKS! I know, I HAVE TO continue on for my own sake, but I really have had a hard time with this NC rule. Obviously though, so has WW, as she has attempted numerous times to contact me still!

Document when she acts this way in front of the kids.

Get eye witnesses. No court will think this behavior is good.

But who knows. My ex grabbed my shirt and yelled at me in front of the kids and she's gotten away with it.

Had it been me doing those things I would have been arrested in a heart beat and had restraining orders and everything.

Courts are impartial in paper only. You're a man. The deck is stacked against you despite everyone smiling and shaking your hand.

Document.

Ab, that's because you are not in a dark Plan B. If you were you would not be subjected to ANY verbal abuse. That's why Plan B creates a PEACEFUL place for the BS...out of the drama and away from the venom. If you do it halfway it'll be worse for YOU.