see SL... told ya!

we are HOT and HAPPENIN' BABES and don't you forget it!

I feel a spa day coming on....

Yup, I do.

mani, pedi, massage...

where's my day planner.....

mlhb

This is a good thread with some very interesting issues.

I agree with a lot of what has been said here...

I think that if a WS comes home there is going to be baggage... And there is going to be withdrawal... there is no getting around that.

I think the bottom line for the BS is; How much of a risk are you willing to take? And how much more pain and humiliation are you willing to endure to try and save your marriage...

Ultimately I believe it's a personal choice based on many factors. What one person is willing to endure another is not.

When you are in danger of being harmed, at some point self preservation kicks in. A person can only take so much before they take some sort of action to change their fate and protect themselves.

I’ll put it another way: When a soldier is put into a battle his instinct may be to flee danger... or fight to save himself. (Self Preservation – fight or flight) A BS may only be able to take one more lie before they snap and go on a killing spree.... so... they remove themselves from the situation. (Hopefully...LOL) Someone else in the exact same situation may be able to take a lot more abuse before getting to that point.

Does that make sense?

oh, i hear you amazin.
i definitely just got to the point of snapping.
truly, one day i was just like "that is it, no more. you are out of here. period. gone. get out. find a place. good bye."

and i never looked back.

mlhb

I think this is PROFOUND..

ME TOO!!!!

I was corresponding with a good friend and children came up, and how they factor in to fighting. I have to wonder if I would have kept fighting past the first false recovery, had it not been for my very young child. I was hoping for him to have those family type moments in his mental scrapbook, of FAMILY Christmas mornings, and FAMILY camping trips, learning to fish with dad and mom, going to the local parks together, the monuments, the museums. Building family memories that WE ALL could enjoy.

THAT is part of the reason I stayed in it for so long, hoping beyond hope that PWC would slowly disappear and my husband would show up and assimilate back into the family AND marriage. His loss, and unfortunately, a FAMILY loss. I know that I can provide a great life for me and my son, and maybe better and blah blah blah. It's not the same. You can cover the truth over with a lovely smattering of frosting and put pretty flowers on top, but the loss is real. I don't like a sugar coating on life, just on my baked goods.

Thank you ladies! I think it’s true... a simpler way of putting it would be... I have a high bullsh*t threshold. Yours may be a lot higher or a lot lower depending on the situation. . . LOL

SL... What is PWC?



It’s so sad that a person would be so selfish to choose to meet their sexual needs with a POS OP over their own children...

However, when they’re knee deep into an affair I don’t think they can see the end of their nose... let alone see how their decisions will affect the relationship they have with their children 5, 10, or 20 years down the road. Just like an addict doesn’t see the destructive consequences of their actions... It’s all about instant gratification... Screw everyone else as long as I get my fix.

Hello Ladies,
I so agree with this:


I think they can't even see how it has affected the Now! My daughter is a prime example. She is 8 and she is so done with he dad, yet the courts won't give her that option, so she has to put up with the constant lies and the moron of a father who thought it best to "be honest" and tell her that he chose to be with his POS OW on Christmas, her birthday, just about every special occasion for 1 1/2 years and now she in her innocence or lack now of innocence is supposed to be brave and "love and respect" him????

Sometimes it makes me just want to vomit! We are in a modified Plan A, he is living with OW, but have no idea how to even continue the guise most days. I still love him and think that we could heal and salvage our marriage to turn it with God's mighty hand into something beautiful, but he is so lost in his sin and selfishness that it doesn't really matter right now. Good luck to you all

Oh, SL I agree with wanting the family moments for your children, etc. The thing that makes me really really made is that WE did not have those moments but he DID have my children have those moments with him and ow! I would ask him, even when things were bad, for the sake of the kids lets all go to the movies together, or this or that. Nope, he wouldn't do it. We even took separate cars to my daughter's dance recital! STUPID.

So what does he do when he moves in with OW? Oh, the play house with my kids. Rents a campsite for the summer and they go camping. They go on weekend trips together, to the movies, shopping, etc. And he thought it was A-OK to give my children family moments with a who*re but not with their own mother!

I am thinking at some point here my kids are going to need more counseling. He has them so f*cked up. And so does she.

And I think my bullsh*t threshold was pretty high when he and I were together. Now, pity the next man I am in a relationship with because my tolerance of it now is pretty LOW!

mlhb

I am so sorry MLHB. I feel you; I have been where you are. Your parental instincts really kick in when your kids are in danger of being hurt.

I saw a Tom and Jerry cartoon the other day. Jerry had a little one in diapers... at one point Tom spanked the little one... Jerry the mouse had enough and a change came over him... A giant roar arose out of the little mouse and he commenced to whip Tom’s Butt. The next scene shows Tom with a black eye and all bandaged up. Tom is rocking the baby in a crib and hand feeding him while Jerry watches over him.

A redneck way of putting it is... Tom’s stepping and fetching for Jerry.

Although this is a cartoon... I think it accurately describes how we feel as parents when our children’s well being is threatened. Sometimes we go from a mouse to a lion.

i love tom and jerry!

i am so glad they still show the old ones we watched as kids.

my kids love it too. cracks me up.

mlhb

Funny how we both get up so early... LOL

I like the old cartoons. Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Disney. I don't like the new ones at all. Most of them are immoral. Family Guy, comes to mind right away.

Looks like a can of worms has been opened!

I hear you, too, mlhb. It's a cryin shame how hard the WS will work to get the OP, and how little they'll work to save the one thing that means much of anything in this world, their family. Meh, whatya gonna do?

I'm know that I'm gonna move on, that's what I'm gonna do.

I love Tom & Jerry toons too! The Cat Concerto has got to be one of my favs.

Oh, Amazin, PWC is the nickname I give my WH. It came from that silly names thread that, I think, Pep started. It stands for Poopsie Waffle Chunks. Silly, I know.

eh, i am up early every morning to get a work out in.

i am hoping to teach some sort of aerobics starting next january. so i gotta work out work out work out! i need to earn some extra money so i can start building a savings cushion....

SL: makes ya just want to stay single for a really really long time don't it? I have had one relationship post marriage ending.. it lasted over a year. and he was not a good match either i later saw. no respecting of boundaries was the big one. honestly, it is such a pain to find a good partner that i really don't care at this point. my only thing is, i am 37 and i would really love to have one more child. i would do it up to probably about age 41 or 42 as long as my body is still cooperating.

enjoy the weekend. i am off to set up for our memorial weekend garage sale. hope to make lots of $$$$

mlhb

I've felt the itch off and on to have another child; PWC didn't want any more. His reaction to having the first one was bad enough that I didn't want to make our relationship harder.

I've told my friends I believe it would take an extraordinary man, at this point. I know how step families are, since I've lived it my entire life. It's more than a balancing act! You've gotta be some kind of Houdini

LOL... I remember that thread...


Work out in??? or Work in out???....LOL


A play on words that struck me as funny.

I need to keep going to the gym. When my wife and I split I was running pretty often.... I've slowed down quite a bit (Uhhh.. OK.... Stoped) in the last month or so... I need to pick the pace back up.

<------- One of my many nicknames...LMAO....

My co-worker gave it to me because she said I would disappear at work and could not be found....LOL


About 4 or 5 years ago my wife wanted to have another child... I didn't... Mainly because we were having too many marital problems and I didn't think it was right... Just a gut feeling I guess.... I told her mom about it ... She said she was crazy...

SL:

You are speaking of WSes who don't choose to work on RECOVERY, right?

It took an UNBELIEVABLE, MIRACULOUS amount of work for my H to RECOVER from his ADDICTION to the OW. It does and can happen.

Plus, I don't think he WORKED HARD to get the OP. Actually, I think she was quite EASY!!

I hope you don't allow PWC to lead you to become BITTER. There is GOODNESS in the world. There is a MAN out there who can LOVE you...really LOVE you...

Don't allow PWC to continue to have the POWER over you to lead you to PREJUDGE others...

OH, I'm not giving PWC any power. I'm simply expressing an opinion about wayward spouses. I'm not talking about spouses once wayward, who find their way home and bust their humps. THAT would be disrpectful of the hard work a repentent WS does. No sir. I am sure it takes a great deal of work to come back from infidelity. I did half of it, so I have an inkling.

Nope, I'm talking about wayward spouses who keep on keepin on.

And I do believe that a WS in a romantic affair, stemming from an EA works hard, WOOING the OP. I remember how much attention I paid to PWC when we were courting, all the efforts I made to be near him, talk to him, spend time with him, impress him. It's only EASY because of those endorphins. In the absense of those, it FEELS like work. Either way, it's still work.

I can't say whether or not I KNOW there is a wonderful man out there for me or not. I can only say that I HOPE there is. I see people find partners every day, but I see a lot of poor choices too. I don't PLAN on making poor choices.

Oh, I'm not bitter, either. I have my anger rise here and there, but it doesn't keep me from wanting a love for myself someday. I will consider myself very lucky if I get to have TWO loves of a lifetime. I had what I considered one, and I TRY to count my blessings that we had it good for a short time. It's early yet, in this whole divorce thing, and I don't plan on giving up on myelf.

"F"WS are da bomb, IMO.