You seem to be CHANGING, SL.

You sound more BITTER.

I have this thing about ANGRY DIVORCEES...not believing in LOVE anymore..because of their bad experience with that ONE PERSON...

I'm not saying that I don't UNDERSTAND it...

And I certainly haven't lived it...so can't EMPATHIZE..

But you know me and my belief in POSITIVITY...

You posted before I could respond. Check out my response.

Sorry..I missed your last paragragh..

WE'RE BACK ON THE SAME PAGE...

Luv ya...

I don't want you to confuse me speaking from my EXPERIENCE as being bitter. I'm certainly NOT. PWC was one of the WS's I'm talking about when I reference what a shame it is, what a great STOOPID loss.

I still care about PWC, I just don't want him in my life anymore. It's hard to reconcile that in my head and heart sometimes, but it's true. It would be EASY to be bitter. It's just not in my make-up to do that. I like to smile and feel it from the inside out.

IMO, PWC is an idiot, but it's just an opinion, not some deep seeded angry. He has given up a lot for how he FEELS, which is not a PERMANENT state. It's just not SMART, and I always thought he was more intelligent than all of this, but those FEELINGS can carry you off, if you let them.

I hear and understand what you are saying, SL.

I (and I own this as being MY OPINION), see DIVORCEES who GENERALIZE as being BITTER..

I don't experience those who focus on their own experience with their own spouse as being BITTER...

It's those that say: "You know how MEN are..you know how THEY all are"..as if this is true for ALL...

Ohhhhh. Okay. No. Not what I mean at all. ALL people are very different IMO, and all have something new to bring to the table. I try not to generalize. It happens. We do generalize here when we speak about the WS SCRIPT. It happens all around.

I don't lump WAYWARD folks in with random people. It's a specific subset of people, and it's an ever fluctuating populaton; one that I always hope goes the FORMER wayward way, but you never know.

Even all waywards AREN'T the same, in terms of their relationship choices. It's been hard for ME to talk of the typical wayward script, and not be living THAT experience. PWC doesn't SEEM typical, in how he reacted to withdrawal and replacing the addiction with a different one. Even Jennifer was a bit baffled. She gave me things to try and told me that Plan B may be in my future.

I agree. He doesn't seem typical.

I'm not going to try and dissect PWC's actions henceforth. Some I can write up as typical wayward and others I will just have to learn to accept and deal with accordingly.

I am putting the finishing touches on my son's Indy Jones cake for his party, then I've got oodles of work to do outside, and then probably a get together with my family tomorrow, and then a concert Monday night. It's a busy weekend, AND it's going to be good weather. Yay!

I'm happy, and I will continue to strive for that every day.

WONDERFUL!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR SON!!

I sooo remember those days!!

Savor and enjoy every minute of it...

SL,

Happy Birthday to your son. Mazel Tov on the good weather and most important.

This is WHY us newbies look up to you. You continue to live a life of personal recovery when those like me gets lost in the sadness.

I thank you so much.

What's the cake look like, besides Indy Jones? What kind is it?

When a marriage ends that should not be (like mine) you look at it like a new beginning instead of an ending. I got to go back to school which my ex never supported (and mind you he makes enough to support the whole family but did not want all of his income going to the family. He wanted me working and not going to school so we would have more money), I got to finally be me and who I wanted to be.

I moved forward not backwards at the ending of my marriage. And I learned so much and became a better person and I became better at so many things. I am very happy in my life.

And I do not lump all men into one category. That would not be fair. MY EXPERIENCE with men has not be stellar at this point. But maybe my picker is off. I need to work on my picker! But I am sure not all men are like my exes (exh and exbf's in general).

mlhb

I understand...and I think that's GREAT!!


I think that's wonderful. I ADMIRE YOU!!

I encourage you to talk to Browneyes! You would be a GREAT ROLE MODEL for her!!



All of this is GREAT to HEAR!! I'm sorry if it seemed that I misjudged you!!

It's hard to get to know people on this computer screen!!

i did not feel judged at all by you mimi.

i do believe in your philosophy that a ws that comes home and wants to do the work is much different than one who comes home and has no intention of doing it. i had a ws that was of the latter description. now, i could have kept working it, and doing more plan A, etc, but by the time i had him leave the life had been sucked out of me. i had no more to give and my love bank was in the wayyyy negative.

i took the barrels of lemons i was handed and i made a whole lot of lemonade. and i continue to make more lemonade every single day because as long as my ex is in the picture (and he will be because we share children) there will ALWAYS be a lemon or two i am handed by him with which to make a new batch!

some marriages cannot be saved, and some should not be saved.
and some have tons of potential left.

i sleep well at night knowing i did all i could to save mine. i didn't just wimp out and throw him out at the get go. i gave it 3+ years. not perfect ones, but did what i could do just the same. i am good with that. hindsite is always 20/20 and i see things early on in our marriage that i wish i had done differently. i see many things i wish i had done differently. but, i can't dwell on them. i came from a very messed up background and did not have a good road map for marriage. i hope and pray that i can teach my children the right way a marriage should be. i plan to teach them MB principles as they grow up since my marriage was not a good example either. and hopefully, one day, i will have a marriage that is the right way and they can see from that example too.

mlhb

***sigh*** the next chapter begins...

ex texts me last night (he knows i go to bed early, like by 9:00) at 10:40pm to ask if he can get the kids earlier than 8am! (it states 8 in our agreement on non-school days and besides, they like to sleep in on their days off) so, i am half asleep when i read it and am like "they are expecting you at 8" and left it at that. he texts me AGAIN at 11:30 (wtf? he KNOWS i am sleeping!) so i get woken up AGAIN and he is like "if i have to get them at 8 then be sure they are fed and ready to go" um.. duh! i ALWAYS feed them and have them ready to go because he NEVER wants to give them breakfast.

so this morning he gets here at like 1 minute before 8. the kids are all in a panic if they are not out their on time for him because he throws a royal fit if they are even 1 minute late. (poor kids have to walk on eggshells around him). well, my dd goes out and it is 8. i told her to tell her father that her brother would be out in a minute. well, he is yelling from the car "come on, get going, hurry up!" like an idiot. you can see the look of fear in my son's eyes as he puts his socks and shoes on. i said "doesn't sound like dad is in a very good mood" and my son says "no, it doesn't" i hugged him and kissed him and told him i love him and i said "do NOT let daddy talk mean to you ok?" and he said "i won't".. but what can he do?

he also, at that 1 minute before 8 when he got here, called my phone, my dd's phone, and my son's phone to say he was here and why weren't they out there yet?! a little nuts are we or what?

i sent my ex a text and said "just because YOU are miserable does not mean you have to take it out on the kids!"

so, because he is miserable and unhappy and grumpy and probably NOT sleeping the poor children are going to take the brunt of it. and i have no choice but to hand my kids over to him today so he could have his visitation.

they always seem to be the ones to suffer and pay when their father's life isn't going as he would like it to. pretty unfair huh?

counting down the days until we move for sure....

mlhb

UGH, mlhb

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It's so hard on us when our children hurt. I don't know if your text got thru his thick skull, but let's hope it jarred him enough to consider it.

((((mlhb))))

i know it didn't. he sent me a text back which i just deleted and did not read. no since in giving him the satisfaction of getting into an argument which is what he wants.

my poor son too. all he wants is his father's love and approval. his father treats him like dirt and yet he will sit here and say that when he is old enough to choose he is going to live with his dad. so sad.. he thinks if he lives with him he will love him more and treat him better.

that, of course, will only happen (his moving in with his dad) over my VERY dead body.

mlhb

GOOD.

You can't control him, of course, but I'm also not an advocate of holding your tongue when it comes to the children. I turn into a mama bear when it comes to DS, too, but, luckily, PWC shows him love. He seems highly compartmentalized, like nothing spills over from one area to the other, at all, so if his personal relationships aren't working out, it doesn't show in terms of his direct relationship with DS. I suppose that's good for DS. I just hope he doesn't learn from his dad that you don't talk about your pain and let it go.

well, my daughter NEVER wants to go when it is time to go with their father. Every night, the night before, she cries. Last night was no different. "I don't want to go mommy, I don't want to go"
And, I have no choice but for her to go. She HATES it over there. And now it will be even worse once he moves. I always tell her to keep her chin up and just pray that the time goes by fast. School days don't seem to be too bad because she has school to keep her busy. But days like today she will just think about me and being home with me and she will be sad.

He finally gave me his June schedule and I see he has no weekends off... WOO HOO! That means no weekends with him for the kids. My dd will be VERY happy about that. He is allowed 2 weekends a month thanks to my generosity. BUT, he rarely uses even one.

I am going shopping out of town today and then I have a lot to do when I get home. Must stay busy busy so I don't have to think about them with him or how much I miss them too :-(

mlhb

In all honesty, you didn't need to say this.


NOR...did you need to say this.

I mean...what is he going to do exactly if it happens? Bop him in the nose?


It sounds like these exchanges could be less stressful on the kids if they were on time.

Yes, I know that it's a nitpicky thing...but you have some control over this.

Start teaching them about being on time. Have them ready to walk out the door when he pulls up. Then he isn't tweaked and your kids don't get stressed.

I know that I am risking being flamed, so be it.

committed

Committed:

I see your point, trying to help the children to not get TRIANGLED IN is protective of them..best for their psychological well-being, I think.

I wish I had learned as a young child that I had NO POWER over my parents...and they both put me to work..on THEIR JUNK between each other...YUCK...