committed:
the kids WERE ready on time. HE was there early and was mad that they weren't walking out the door to him when the got there. He said have them ready by 8 and they were. He was there before 8. I ALWAYS have them ready on time. I am teaching them responsibility by being ready on time. Not much I can do nor them when he gets there early and STILL expects they will be ready. See, it is a control thing for him. HE purposely plays these games so he can have a reason to b*tch about something.

I understand what you are saying. I was simply trying to give my son a little pep talk when I said that to him. My son and I both know there is nothing he can do. I just hugged him and told him I loved him very much. And when I said the other comment it was after his father was outside yelling (before 8am mind you, which is when he said for them to be ready)and my son just looked at me with his sad eyes as he was literally scrambling to get his socks and shoes on. A child should not have to feel that way, like their father is going to beat the tar out of him because he was not ready... EARLY!

mlhb

mlhb,

Part of letting go is to stop trying to jump through hoops that you have no desire to jump through.

Next time just laugh and smile with a big wave .

All blessings,
Jerry

oh it will be wave all right Jerry.. a very prominent one finger wave!

ok ok, not really, but I can fantasize can't I??

mlhb

IGNORE my most recent post about TRIANGLING.

I FEEL SAD for your kiddos...am praying for them TODAY..

I empathize with how they must FEEL...

My father could be MEAN...when I was little...and it HURT...

i feel sad for my kids too mimi.

HE is evil. My ex is pure evil. I hate that my kids even have to spend any time with them. He manipulates them, he lies to them, he messes with their heads. OW would lie to them as well. He and her both used to spend tons of money on them to try and BUY them.

I pray every single day for a hedge of protection around my children. That is why we are moving. I have sold the house and we are moving closer to my family to get away from this mess.

He can also be very very cruel to my children. Especially our son.
My daughter will cry when she goes over because she misses me and he will send her to her room and tell her not to come down until she has stopped crying. He would tell her he didn't want to see it and he would tell her it was making ow feel badly that she was crying over missing ME her own mother.

You guys have no idea how evil this man is. If I could revisit custody I would in a heartbeat. The courts were only going to give him 2 weekends a month and that was it. I very stupidly did not think that was enough time for the kids to have so I offered him more than that. I now wish I had not.

mlhb

Your other post indicates he was 1 minute early...



nevermind....

you want to remain entrenched in it..

The payout must be pretty good.

committed

am I missing something? It appears as though you have a hair up your hiney because MLHB is upset about the way her STBX treats her children.

MLHB...revisit the custody agreement if you are able to. The least amount of time they spend with a-hole, the better.

and you are entitled to your opinion committed.

as i said, i can't wait for us to move so that we can leave the nonsense behind. it is only 20-30 minutes away but i guarantee it will be too much trouble for him to make the trip very often.

the less time he has with them the better.

and the bottom line is, they WERE walking out the door at 8am just as he had requested. HE is the one that went off for no reason.

who knows with him. poor baby is all sad that ow broke up with him so everyone has to pay because he is miserable. well, my kids shouldn't have to. and if my protecting them means i am still entrenched than so be it.

mlhb

You know mlhb,

You're better than me cause I would have sent them out at 830am and, yes, probably would have used the one finger wave to drive home the point.

STOP trying to meet his DEMANDS! You don't owe him that anymore!

All Blessings,
Jerry

HUH???

What kind of a freudian leap was that??

all blessings,
Jerry

In our custody agreement it states that on non school days that he has them he will pick them up at 8:00am. So, that is what time I have them ready by.

A little history here: Back in the summer of 2006, one year after I made him leave and a year living with ow, he smacks me with a custody suit. NOW, there were a few reasons for this. First off, I had had him arrested when he got back from Iraq for a an incident of kicking in my front door and shoving me against the wall in front of our then 7.5 year old children, cussing me out the whole time. I would have had him arrested right then and there but less then a week later he was off to Iraq. I knew we were safe while he was gone, so I waited til he got back. Not long after that, IN REVENGE FOR ME HAVING THE NERVE TO HAVE HIM ARRESTED AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF and because he didn't want to pay child support, he tries to get custody of the kids. BIG fat joke that was, to the tune of 3000.00 to retain my attorney and go right to the very last minute before he would finally agree on things. Now, we had to be investigated by probation, my children had a law guardian, etc, never knowing or understanding why or what the h*ll was going on. Meanwhile he is asking our 7 year olds who they want to live with, etc.. which was manipulation.
Long story short, probation ordered a psych eval for HIM and that he only have 2 weekends a month. I feared it would go to trial and even though I knew I would win, I could not afford to pay for a trial. SO, I made him a visitation offer trying to keep things fair (because I am a f*cking idiot) and offered him 2 nights a week and 2 weekends a month, plus set vacation time and 2 weeks vaca a year, and set holiday time. Hindsite is 20/20 and I am a freakin idiot to the nth degree for giving him so much.

fast forward to now. He RARELY uses what I offered him either because he has better things to do or because his work schedule is screwy so he can't take them. Very rarely has them on weekends either. He is supposed to give me his work schedule 30 days in advance and NEVER does. In fact I JUST GOT THE JUNE SCHEDULE TODAY. So, I can never make plans with the kids on my own because I have no idea what his days off will be. And if I do make plans, then I get his schedule and we have made them on a day he has off, well, all h*ll breaks lose. He makes me cancel my plans with the kids so he can have his day. See what a f*cking control freak he is? He doesn't even follow the agreement! I told him from now on if I don't get a schedule 30 days in advance than he forfeits his time with the kids if we have made plans and he can call the police or do whatever he feels he needs to do. See, when he feels his control slipping away he retaliates and it is usually against me or the kids. I am telling you, the guy is a narcissistic sociopath. He was court ordered to get mental help!

***I can't wait to move, I can't wait to move, I can't wait to move....***

mlhb

freudian leap?

you lost me Jerry...

mlhb

btw, your spelling appears to be getting better...

hehe

mlhb

Don’t beat yourself up about your decisions. What’s done is done and leave it at that. While I was going through my first divorce my ex wife had supervised visitation.


To make a long story short... in the divorce she got the standard visitation... 1st , 3rd, and 5th weekends holidays... summers... etc... She didn’t use them. When she did see them it was a last minute thing that wasn’t in the agreement and she wanted me to jump through hoops to accommodate her. I did for a while then said no. When she would call at the spur of the moment I would say “NO! your visitation times are...”

In the divorce I could have made it very difficult if not impossible for her to see the kids. I didn’t. (And I’m glad I didn’t) Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Sooner or later they’ll come to the conclusion that she’s a mess and isn’t worth a damn. It won’t be long before my kids are grown up. I have no doubt that they will see their mother for what she is and be extremely grateful and happy that they grew up with me and not their mother. If I would have kept my ex from visitation... the end result would have been prolonging their pain by not letting my kids figure things out for themselves.

MLHB
Kids see the truth... if you’re STBX is being an [censored] they will see it. If he’s being ugly they will see it. If he’s not using his visitation they’ll see it. Your STBX is going to reap the rewards of his ways sooner or later. Pray for God to keep his hand of protection over those kids. And you love them with all your heart and make sure they know it. (I’m sure you love them... )

oh, i pray for a hedge of protection around them every single day.

and they do notice all ready amazin.
they ask me "why doesn't daddy take us all the time he is allowed to?" or "all daddy does is sleep when we are there" or "all daddy does is yell all the time" etc...

they know.

i guess he did talk to them a bit about his sitch. he told them he would stop talking to them about the move (but not before driving the knife in one more time by really driving home the fact that my daughter would not get to see her friends anymore and my son would not get to play with his friends on his sports teams anymore. such an evil a**). then he told them he was going to be living elsewhere but that he and ow were going to continue to "date". that they needed to take a step back because they missed a few steps on their dating process. (do you f*cking think? hmmm...maybe forgetting they were both already married when they started dating? maybe forgetting that "we should get a divorce first" step?) whatever. whatever. whatever.

my kids are home safe and sound now for another week.

i hate that it has to be this way.

mlhb

I know you hate it... and I know it's painful to see. It goes against every fiber in your body to trust that God will protect your kids.

Especially when it's so visible to you that they're in pain because of their father.

I feel for you.

((((((MLHB))))))

actually, it does not go against every fiber in my body to trust that God will protect them. I KNOW he does. BUT, what God does not do is go against my exes free will. SO, my ex can exercise that free will and be as much of a jerk as he wants to be and he is really good at that.

i just wish i didn't have to send them into the lion's den every week. that is what i feel like i do. without choice, hands tied by the visitation agreement i so stupidly made so generous.

i appreciate your kind words.

o/t are you currently in the field now? active duty?

mlhb

I'm on active duty in the North east.

Interesting Amazin!

You and MEDC should hook up!

And in the latest news:

THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

My ex has decided NOT to make the divorce difficult like he originally planned. I am sure due to having his mind on other issues he has decided to drop all of the nonsense of trying to get ME to pay his attorney fees and just sign the papers! WHOO HOO!!

I am signing amendment papers today and then divorce papers as soon as I get them in the mail. Should be final in anywhere from 2-3 months (only because the judge here in my county is really slow at getting them done).

No word of fighting me on getting all of the profit from the sale of the house and no word on fighting me moving! It will FINALLY be done.

I am very thankful.

mlhb

((((mlhb)))))


hey sweetie...just caught up on your sitch. You are doing so amaingly well. And you've had your STBXWS pegged for a LONG LONG time now. So, when he ticks you off, just reach in for the inner GODDESS of yours and shine to the whole world.....lol.

Anyway, sorry to hear about the kiddies (and I can TOTALLY relate about the kids complaining after they have been with dad....mine where the same way....I could say more BUT I don't need anything else to set off my anger today.... ;)). I continue to pray for you and them and just think in 3 months or so....


not2fun